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I’m sure each of you, regardless of your religion or if you have no religion at all, has heard one very strange spiritual piece of advice at least once. Be in joy. You must be in joy. Rejoice. This call exists in Christianity, Judaism, Islam, and Hinduism. Buddhism also speaks of inner joy. For thousands of years, people in different parts of the world have somehow returned to this same state. But for a modern person, this advice sounds a bit inapplicable to real life. What joy could there be when I need to earn money, solve problems, deal with relationships, and worry about my kids? How will it help me? Will it open the right door, bring money, or solve my problem? And that is what I want to show in this video. Joy is capable of opening very real doors to money, relationships, solutions, and new opportunities, and, above all, to reach the life we put off every day until the next wish is fulfilled. Because if we only experience joy the moment our wish is fulfilled, there are only a few days , or sometimes just a few hours, left for the joy itself. The rest of the time we wait, wait, and wait. Once I earn more, meet the right person, solve this problem, or get the kids settled, then I will finally start living. In this video, I want to show you how to stop wasting years in this waiting, how to get more from a completely ordinary weekday than we sometimes get from a long-awaited purchase or victory. And most importantly, not to become someone who gives up on big desires, lowers their standards, convinces themselves to settle for less, and walks around in a daze. On the contrary, how to become, alongside joy, a person who wants more, acts much more freely, and if something doesn't work out, doesn't spend weeks dwelling on the defeat, but looks at what else can be done, who to talk to, where to go, what to try differently? A person for whom such basic joy provides extra energy for all of this. And that is exactly why opportunities start opening up that we simply don't notice because of constant dissatisfaction with our lives. By the end of the video , you will be able to see what exactly you are substituting for joy, why even a fulfilled wish stops being fulfilling so quickly, and how to regain the ability to enjoy ordinary life without giving up the big dream you want to create. And at the end, I will give you specific practices you can start using today. When I heard this "be in joy" advice myself in the past, I perceived it something like this. Nastya, you mustn't be ungrateful. You have some life dramas, while people are actually starving out there. Look at how much you have. Start rejoicing immediately. I heard something completely different. I was being scolded again for feeling the wrong way and not coping with my life well enough. I can't appreciate it , I can't be grateful. And later, walking this path of self-discovery and self-development, I found that I am quite a joy-chaser. And if you think about your own relationship with joy right now, you will most likely place yourself into one of two groups. Please write in the comments which group you identified with. The first group has a serious internal restriction on joy. There could be any number of explanations: how can I be joyful if someone around me is suffering? How can I be happy while my important problem remains unsolved? How can I relax and enjoy myself if there is still so much to do? Perhaps it's an even deeper feeling that is often not even conscious. I don't deserve joy at all. It doesn't necessarily have to be phrased in such harsh words. But if you feel that joy is not something simple and natural for you, accessible at any moment, then 100%when you are told, "Be joyful, rejoice." You want to at least be harshly rude to that person. The second group—I partially belong to it too—is people who are focused on obtaining as many good states as possible, on constantly being in some kind of uplifted, inspired mood. We need experiences, trips, new places, purchases, food, events, funny shows, people, anything at all. These things are not the goal. The goal is our good, cheerful state of mind. You always need to go somewhere, organize something, or wait for something. And when there is none of this, which is very important, or it stops working, ordinary life suddenly seems empty, kind of boring, just not right. You need to go look for and extract this very joy and fun all over again. Moreover, these groups can perfectly coexist within one person, in one situation. I forbid myself from joy because now is not the time or I haven't earned it, and in another, I desperately try to obtain it. Give me an experience, a purchase, tasty food, a trip, or the attention of a loved one —that quality kind I want—anything at all, because I am empty inside. And this ban on joy and the endless chase for it always brings us to the same point. We wait for life to change first , and only then can I feel good. I want it so that after this video, it stops being a rare reward for a life that turned out well, so that you can want more, move toward it, and at the same time not devalue everything you have right now today. To begin with, we need to understand exactly what we are being offered when we are told: "Be in joy." In Christianity, we hear such calls: always rejoice, pray constantly, and give thanks for everything. Here, joy is connected to prayer and gratitude. In Islam, it says: "Let people rejoice in the bounty of Allah. That is better than what they accumulate." In Judaism, for example, there is the question: who is called rich? The one who rejoices in their portion. The Bhagavad Gita speaks of a person whose joy must be found within. In Buddhism, joy is often linked to the renunciation of desires that tear us apart with passions and bring suffering. And this is something I really want to argue with, because I followed that path, and at some point, as my desires decreased, my joy became less and less and less. I will talk about that later in this video. So, what do these quotes have in common? When we are told to be in joy, we are not being encouraged to be excessively merry, to experience constant pleasure, to always achieve great results, to win , or to ensure that there is never any pain or unpleasant moments in life again. This means that it is, after all , a different state of being. Yet, we most often start looking for it in exactly those four places mentioned above. And the first substitute for joy is fun. I feel bad, which means I must urgently cheer myself up. And what always used to annoy me is that if there is a person nearby who has this unhealthy attitude toward joy and fun, they, seeing me sad and dejected, start shaking me and asking: "Why are you so sad? Why aren't you having fun?" That is, there are even people who don't allow others to not be in a state of joy because they themselves are very uncomfortable with it. Write in the comments if you have such colleagues or friends. So, feeling bad means you must urgently cheer up: go to a party, watch something funny, turn on music, or go somewhere. And I don't dispute that fun can indeed change one's state for a short moment. But if there is a constant emptiness inside, fun does not cover it up. The people have left, the funny video has ended, the music has turned off, and we are once again alone with that emptiness. And by the way, the American internet is now very taken with a trend called "funxing," which literally translates to maximizing fun. People are intentionally adding more play, movement, adventure, and funny activities to their lives. And there is a very sound grain of truth in this. We are so used to living with such serious faces that sometimes we just need to be shaken up a bit. But "fun" is, after all, just merrymaking. It can open us up, let us exhale, and bring back interest. And then the same old question arises: what am I living for when the entertainment, this fun, this excitement is over? Therefore, the joy spoken of by ancient sources is 100%not this fun, not amusement, not a pastime. The second thing we confuse the joy we are told to seek with is pleasure. Had a tasty meal—good. Lay in the sun— good. Went to the sauna, bought a cool new thing, had a massage. Wonderful. We need bodily pleasures, rest, beauty, and comfort. But pleasure ends quickly. And there are times when you can't afford any of that. And if we try to find our fulfillment, our main background fulfillment, through pleasure, we constantly need more and more of the next portion. And preferably an even bigger portion, another little piece, another purchase, another video, another episode of a show. But absolutely any pleasure, after it fades, if we lack this quiet fulfillment of joy in our lives, leaves us feeling twice as empty as we were before we temporarily filled ourselves. The pleasure is over. I want more pleasure, but I don't know where to get it anymore. Because filling ourselves with pleasure and feeding ourselves is limited. Even if we had all the money in the world, and we fed ourselves from morning till night with food, saunas, and everything else—satiety sets in, and at some point, we can no longer experience the same pleasure we did when we lived in scarcity and finally got our hands on something tasty and pleasant. The third thing we confuse joy with is success. This is a whole separate trap. Any success, any achievement, any new level of income very quickly becomes the norm. We don't even have time to properly enjoy it. Yes, I did it, I achieved it. Here is my medal, here is my merit. Yes, now I have it, yes, what I wanted so much has happened. And that's it. After a while, our perception, our human desire is structured in such a way that eventually we look at this as the bare minimum. And what we want, what we crave, is some next peak. And we are not there yet. With children, notice, this trap is especially visible with children. We have a child, and at first we think, if only the baby were healthy , then if only they studied well, then if only they passed their final exams, then if only they got into college, and then if only they met a good, worthy partner. And just imagine, let’s set aside the fact that things don’t always go smoothly for us, but let’s assume it all happened; we were very worried, but it’s done. They met a worthy person. Now, if only everything goes well for them—and it is going well—then, if only the child is born healthy; and then they are born, and the cycle starts all over again. Our joy is instantly transferred to the next stage. The good thing has already happened. We didn't even get to experience it because we started worrying about the next point. And the fourth substitution is the absence of pain. If only I didn't have this anxiety, didn't have such complicated relationships, didn't have these health problems, grievances, or financial troubles, then I would finally be in joy. At some point, a person isn't moving toward anything at all. They are just constantly trying to crawl away from something. For me, this became a very clear example 10 years ago. It was the absolute peak of my rock bottom. If I had been asked back then, "Nastya, what would you like? What is your most important desire right now?" I would have honestly replied that I wanted my husband not to be so gloomy, harsh, cold, and distant. Can you imagine? My entire desire was built around the negative. I didn't know what I wanted to create. I didn't know what I wanted to feel. I didn't know how I wanted to live. I didn't know what I wanted to give of myself, to build. I wanted another person to stop being a certain way, because then, I thought, I would feel good, and I would be able to be in joy. But if I only think about how to patch up my pain, I'm not moving toward joy; I'm moving toward pain relief. And as long as I have such a false goal as pain relief, joy, unfortunately, is inaccessible to me, just like in all the previous points. And if you recognize yourself now, if your desires often sound like "if only this wouldn't happen,""if only this would end,""if only I didn't feel this way anymore," I have a separate series of videos for you about our desires. In them, we analyze how to get to what you actually want and why all sorts of affirmations, visualizations, and attempts to force a result might not work. And how to work with our desires so that they start to manifest easily and with joy. Follow the link in the description and get the series of free lessons. But we return to joy. And here, we must talk about despondency as that terrible sin. Now let's talk about that which distances us from the sought-after state of joy that various spiritual sources recommend to us. From this perspective, we can look at the call to "be in joy" in a different way. What are they not telling us here? "Have fun, get as much pleasure as possible, constantly win, and never suffer." We are being told: " Get out of a state that is essentially the opposite of joy." And that state is despondency. It is no coincidence that I began to speak about it. If we want to understand exactly what kind of joy spiritual texts offer us, it is useful to look at what they call its opposite. Despondency is not the same as sadness, fatigue, or a day when we don't want to do anything. A person can cry, can go through a difficult period, and yet not be in what is called despondency in religious and spiritual texts. They are still capable of seeing help, seeing love, seeing relief, seeing the next step. Despondency begins where, no matter what is given to me, I can no longer receive it. I cannot enjoy it. I cannot appreciate it. I cannot rejoice in simple things. Mentally I understand : yes, I have a roof over my head; yes, my loved ones are alive; yes, I am alive myself; yes, I am more or less healthy, I do things, I go somewhere, I have food, opportunities, people. But inside there is a complete void, as if the ability to appreciate what is given to me each day has simply rusted. And on this emptiness, naturally, there grows a quality of perfectly noticing everything that is wrong. This is wrong , that didn't work out, someone looked at me the wrong way, there isn't enough money, I'm at the wrong age, and the world is sliding into who knows where. It only takes unfolding one such thought, and within 5 minutes we have gathered 10 more reasons to be dissatisfied with our own life and devalue everything around us. That is precisely why in spiritual traditions despondency is classified as a sin. But here I want to return to the word "sin" its original meaning. In Hebrew, in which the Bible was originally written, the word "khet," sin, is related to the word "khata," to miss, a miss, to make a mistake, to not hit the mark. In the Greek language, into which the Torah was first translated, this meaning is preserved. The word for sin shares the same root as the word that carries the meaning of a miss, a mistake, and not hitting the target. So here I suggest to everyone who periodically feels despondent to get rid of the interpretation that I am in this bad, sinful state. And if you look closer, you will feel that we are most repulsive to ourselves in this despondency. So, in spiritual texts, there is no message that says: you’re already feeling bad, and now you also know you’re terrible, a sinner, and that God doesn’t love you. They say to him: "Listen, buddy, when you feel this way, it means you have veered very far from the goal. This state prevents you from obtaining that for which life was given." And if sin is a miss, one immediately wants to ask: "Where exactly were we supposed to land? What is a person in despair missing out on?" "From ancient spiritual texts that describe the essence of creation, the purpose of creation, human nature, and the essence of our path in this world, we know a clear formula: the Creator is absolutely good; He is perfect benevolence. This has reached us in the form that He is love. So, the Creator is good, and the goal of creation is to delight the created. This means that our craving for joy, for pleasure, for growth, for beauty, for love, and for ever-greater desires is not a mistake or some base part that we should be ashamed of. We were created this way. We have an inherent desire to receive good from the benevolent Creator, who created us for this very purpose. And here, everything we discussed before starts to come together. Why is despair a miss? Because good may be right in front of a person, but they are unable to receive it. Why doesn't amusement save us? Because it provides a brief change of state, but it does not return the ability to enjoy, to sincerely enjoy and rejoice in life as a whole. Why do pleasures end? Because a single object, a car, an apartment, a boyfriend, some status, or a sum of money cannot fill a desire that is constantly growing along with that person. Why doesn't success satisfy? Because what is achieved always becomes ordinary, and we look again only at what we do not yet have. But they, those people on social media who are jumping around, they have a problem. It’s not that we want pleasure. The problem begins when we see only what we receive, or if we don't receive anything, we look at our empty hands. And most importantly, we lose sight of the One from whom we receive everything . And we lose what we already have from Him today, despite the fact that some little car, apartment, or loved one might be missing in our lives. We look at the gift and do not notice the Giver . That is why a purchase very quickly becomes just a habit. After a while, the person of our dreams reveals certain flaws and daily habits that start to annoy us. We also get used to a new income, and then we need twice as much. And after the success we’ve spent years working toward, we almost immediately set a new goal and feel unsatisfied once again. We had enjoyment all this time, but there was no connection to the source of that enjoyment. And that is why, again and again, we enter a state where we have no joy, no fulfillment, no satisfaction . We are unsatisfied again. And if we spend too much time in this lack of joy and lack of gratitude, we are overtaken by that very misstep called despondency . And often, from such a state, various depressive conditions and the like develop. So, the way we can manifest joy in each of our days, in each of our actions, in every little pleasure, or even when we haven't received it yet, is to constantly seek a connection with the Giver. When I begin to perceive my breath, food, body, loved ones, the ability to do, create, earn, think, set goals, make plans, choose, and want more as a blessing that comes to me precisely from the Creator, by His grace and His profound interest in me, I start to perceive everything I have in today's day in a completely different way. And I do not follow the path of some ascetics or Buddhists who renounce material life. Instead, I begin to become capable of receiving much more from it. Which is exactly what the Creator intended for each of us. I can eat the same food, walk the same street, hug the same child, return to the same house, which in a state of despondency seemed simply hateful, and experience much more than a person who has satisfied all their desires right today. Before, all this everyday, mundane satisfaction was just a background that was taken for granted, and I felt I was lacking so much. But now, behind it, the Giver is revealed, with whom I can be in grateful contact, in contact through gratitude. And then a simple thing gives me more than just short-lived satisfaction. Through it, I feel a relationship, love, His presence , a connection with Him, and the miracle of everything I have in life. I can do so much within it. This very connection provides that spiritual joy mentioned in sacred texts, which does not end with dinner, a vacation, or the initial excitement of a purchase. Moreover, it does not mean that a person no longer cries, gets tired, worries, or experiences states where, oh, I’m tired, I don't want anything, I just want to lie down. But even within a difficult period, such a person is able to maintain a connection with the source of life and see His help, care, and support, which will never end. He feels love and is ready to take the next step. Even if it's after resting a little, lying down, and feeling sad. And now it becomes clear why joy opens all doors. When we live from a state of total lack, we look at the world like someone from whom something is constantly being taken away. And after a rejection, it’s hard to try again. I cling to people because I need to try to fill myself up a little through them and receive love and attention. And every result determines whether I will be a person who can live this life with dignity. That is, with every ordinary material action, it's as if we stake everything and lose everything if things don't go our way. But when I feel that I am already receiving a vast, full, rich life, being, of course, in contact with its Source, who lovingly chose everything—everything happening around me—and gave it to me as a puzzle so that I could find my way through my negative feelings, hurts, and grievances, and find the way to Him . And when I live in this state, no rejection, no defeat, nothing that didn't work out for me takes away all the good that is already there. Moreover, I still want, I still act, and even if I might get upset if things don't work out, I don't lose my whole life along with one rejection. And from this state, of course, I notice many more options. I talk to people more easily. I can be grateful to them and appreciate them, and through that, become a more pleasant person. A person people want to work with, want to go to , and be a client of. I can ask, suggest, or try again. One door closed, so I look for where I can go next. That is why I don't want to give you a list of cool, fun, pleasant activities right now to treat yourself with and briefly lift your spirits. You can find that on the internet yourselves. All the following practices will do one main job: restore the capacity for this simple spiritual joy, the capacity to receive blessings. We will learn to notice what has already come into our lives. Not to breeze past the good in two seconds and not to separate the gift from the giver. Psychological tools are present here too, but they will serve precisely this main spiritual task. Then fun, pleasure, success, and the fulfillment of desires cease to be surrogates for this original joy that is prepared for us. They take their place and become different ways to enjoy life without losing its Source. The first practice is to remember the Creator right at the moment when you are feeling good. You've had a delicious meal, gone for a walk, stepped into a warm bath, or perhaps you're watching an interesting episode, completely captivated by the plot of your favorite show. And are you truly interested? Or someone said something nice, asked how you were, helped you, took care of you, or showed you warmth. Usually, all our attention is immediately sucked right into what has just fulfilled us. What a good show , how interesting, what a wonderful person, how much they love me, how happy I am. Try instead, right within that moment, to recall the source of my fulfillment: the Creator. Right now, through this food, this walk, this story, or another person, He is personally giving me something good. You can simply say literally one word:" Creator. "Well, to yourself, of course: Creator, thank you for what I am receiving right now. This does not exclude thanking the person to their face and expressing your joy to them, but try to perform this action internally as well. Remember the One from whom both this person and the very ability to feel and accept their warmth came into your life. It doesn't take much time. One second is enough. Sometimes you get pleasure from the thing itself and simultaneously renew and revive the connection with the Giver. If you do this for a few days or a few weeks, you will see that your ability to feel joy and enjoy life will begin to return to you. The second practice, which I used very actively when there was a lot of real despondency and dissatisfaction in my life—I was suffering, I had overwhelming emotions, but I had already started this small work of returning the Creator to the main place in my life. And I did the following practice. The practice I described to you above worked for me from time to time, but you need to build up experience to remember the Creator again and again. But even if I didn't do it, in the evening before bed, I would tune in to remember—thinking as if in the Creator’s presence—the good things that happened during the day, and what I had missed or forgotten , that His presence was there. Daniel Kahneman makes an important distinction between the experiencing self and the remembering self. The experiencing self is the one we talked about above, which lives all day, minute by minute. And if we didn't remember, didn't give thanks, just enjoyed it for ourselves and immediately forgot about that pleasure, then the remembering self is the one that later assembles its own version from that. of what my day was like in general. And from this, the whole feeling of what my life is like as a whole is formed. And this version is not an accurate record of everything that happened in his studies, in the studies of Kahneman and his colleagues. The memory of a single lived episode largely depended on its brightest moment and how that episode ended. We often treat an entire day much worse. A difficult conversation happens in the evening, and we immediately say," What a horrible day. "Even though before that we ate, worked, smiled at someone, got messages, earned money, saw a beautiful sky, and achieved things, all of it was lived, but it didn't make it into our short summary version of the day or our life. Therefore, in the evening, take this opportunity to rewrite your entire day with the help of this memory. And so, day by day, rewrite your whole life. In the evening , go through this day once more together with the Creator. You can ask directly:" Where did I receive something from You, Creator, and didn't notice it? What did You give me today? What did I miss? Help me see it and appreciate it. "Don't try to make those lists of gratitude. I don't like that at all. I'm generally too lazy to write anything down. Remember it from the morning. I wake up in the morning, I walk, oh, I'm walking on my own two feet. Rejoice in that. Then there’s some food, tasty coffee, a beautiful autumn landscape outside the window. Linger on it. Here I was helped, here I was heard, here I was able to eat calmly without any fussy thoughts at all. And here I was laughing. I didn't notice it back then, but now it folds into my memory layer by layer with warmth. For me, this method has been both a powerful anti-stress remedy at the end of the day and a perfect sleeping pill. Sometimes I would start the morning and the day like this, and then I’d wake up in the morning and realize I had only reached about lunchtime. And then I drifted off so sweetly in very pleasant sensations. And after such a practice, it is always much more pleasant to wake up. And you wake up not with anxiety, but with thoughts of the One who gave you today's new day. And the third practice is to give any other person that little joy, that simple joy, that you yourself would like to receive. It is impossible to stop chasing joy if we are always thinking only about who, when, and how should give it to us. Therefore, as part of this joy therapy and these exercises, try once a day to ask a question, or you can even ask in the morning:" Whom can I make a little happier today? "If you know that gratitude is very important to someone, thank them. If attention is important to someone, text them:" How are you doing today? You live your ordinary life, you went somewhere, took photos with your children, with your husband, with your friends. Send our relatives, our parents, who are always waiting for us to reach out, a photo of yourself, or send some funny video or a joke that will cheer them up, that will delight them with your attention and the fact that you are sharing something with them. Buy a little something for a loved one at home. Just offer to make them some tea or bring them a glass of water. One small action that will bring joy to that specific person is enough. And check your intention here. It's very easy to do something nice for someone and immediately start expecting : "I made you happy, now it's your turn ," and we become dependent again on what other people give us. Before this small action, you can tune in, you can even ask the Creator directly: "Creator , I want to pass on the goodness that I receive from You. Help me to do this selflessly." And the person we do something for might be very happy, they might just reply with an emoji, or they might not react at all. And that's it; we did something nice for them, and that's all. Because we wanted to take part in the joy that the Creator gives us, without expecting anything in return. These are the three questions. If you start asking yourself these every day, just as a game, I don't know , as a test or an experiment, you will see how your potential for spiritual joy begins to grow. And if you want to learn how to properly use the desires that will certainly grow out of this new, pure, bright joy, follow the link in the description and get a series of free lessons. Yeah.