Bao La Podcast is back with music for all our valued listeners. Today marks another week. Thank you for watching . Send my regards to Ken, and to Ngoc Lan. Hello Mr. Thuy. Hi Ken. Greetings to our viewers. Hello everyone. Ken said that since it's a podcast every week, Ngoc Lan follows it, and we read the suggestions and messages from you all online, so we learn from them. Thank you very much. An attempt to improve each program. One of the issues we might encounter, and one that's still a subject of debate or discussion among the three of us, is our tendency to ramble on about various topics. Ngoc Lan could address this before we continue, because we want to thoroughly analyze a topic that our viewers are very interested in. This program is for you, and the rambling is still ongoing, Ngoc Lan, because the issues that Thuy raises, Ken, or Ngoc Lan present are truly vast, and when we talk about them, it's based on each person's individual perspective and life experiences. Ngoc Lan listened to Ken's story, Ngoc Lan listened to Thuy's story, and then Ngoc Lan listened to her own story as well. Sometimes, when I'm talking about this, suddenly I have this thought in my head that I want it to go in this direction. But the story that Thuy brought up, or the issue that Ken raised, suddenly made me feel like there was something different about it, and I ended up getting involved in that topic , focusing on that point. Otherwise, if I forgot, it would sometimes lead me astray. So sometimes you'll see that at first we say we're going on road 405, then you suddenly turn left and right. You understand that these are the kinds of problems that occur when we tell the story, and Ngoc Lan also thinks that when we tell a story like that, each of you will have a different perspective. Some people, while teaching, may suddenly have other issues pop into their heads. Therefore, we will try to follow the path we originally intended. But if there are any discrepancies, please understand that because there's no script we've written down—Ken will say this, Thuy will say this, Ngoc Lan will say this—it's very spontaneous, so there might be some slightly off-topic moments. However, Ngoc Lan also hopes that you will accept and enjoy the program because the topics we present are all close to each of us, not something far-fetched at all. And everyone will encounter such things. It's just that we haven't thought about it yet. Or perhaps we think differently from one person, and instead think from another's perspective. Now we listen, and we will open up new paths for ourselves. But I have a question. You rarely see this format in the Vietnamese community, right? This podcast format with three people sitting together seems a bit new, does n't it? At that Thanksgiving dinner table, if you pressed a recording button, they'd be talking nonsensically, with all sorts of things popping up. So it's the same for three people, brother and sister, like a family sitting at a table eating together every week, and the conversation goes from here to there. Ken also hopes that those who listen and watch will comment because Ken also wants to know the opinions, because this is also new in the Vietnamese community, and Ken hopes to hear the community's feedback. For us, the topics we presented were simply too complex. I think so. It's impossible to discuss that topic in one, two, or three hours . Although we tried to follow the route, which was: if you're going on Highway 405, then try to stay on 405 and don't turn onto 605 or anything else. But the goal is that we must open our minds to ask questions and find answers for each and every person. The challenge for us here is that when we present a topic, I don't understand how the judges will interpret it , how Ngoc Lan will understand it, or how the audience will interpret it. I have my own problem, for example, I have my way of presenting it, my thoughts on the issue, but I don't understand Ken's, I don't understand Lan's, and I value the artificiality of the topic presented here. It's not news; we know how things happened, then that person died or something happened— that's daily news. You might be familiar with the idea that once it's over, you know what happened. The topic is vast, it's very difficult. So we hope you understand that, and if you see rambling, we also have a purpose; it's not just random rambling. That's the problem. If Ken veers off to a different topic, I'll try to pull him back to the main subject. But the fact that it sometimes goes a little too far is also part of the goal we're aiming for. For example, the topic you're hearing about today will show you just how terrible it is. Marriage. That's terrible. Marriage is a lifelong commitment where a single decision can guide your married life in either the right or the wrong direction. The wrong path we're referring to here is the brutal process of divorce. When it comes to marriage, I haven't gotten divorced. I've never been divorced. But the breakup thing, the breaking up with my girlfriend, happened several times. Have. As for the divorce issue, that 's probably the person we'd like to learn more from. Naturally, based on the experiences of everyone around us—our friends—and reading those surveys, over 50% of Americans get divorced. And in our family, so many people have gone through divorces. So let's find a topic, we'll find out what causes divorce, and finally, we'll find out if there's a solution so that if there's a decision to marry someone or something, everyone wants to be the one they want, no one wants to marry someone only to divorce them. So we're looking for a solution for today's program, and this topic is so broad, the question is posed to Ken Ken because Ngoc Lan has a wonderful married life. Actually, I also have a life that I thank God for. My life up to this point has gone through so many ups and downs, and my husband and I have been together since we got married, for decades now. But first, I'll answer this question with my life after the divorce. It's very beautiful, something that many people wish for. It's amazing. Yes, I am very satisfied with the divorce in my life. Yes. Many people might find this contradictory, but I, and probably my father, aren't the kind of people who should get married because we spend all our time partying, always wanting to have fun, always wanting to be out and about with society. There are also newcomers who always say "brother, brother, brother" before they dare to eat pork ribs outside because it's boring. That person, that person, my ex-wife, is a very lovely person. Yes. He is a very great person. Yes. My only regret is that I didn't fully understand who I was before getting married. Whose fault is it? It's my fault. It was my fault for claiming it was me. But I have one good thing: I chose someone to divorce, someone very safe, and someone to raise the children with while I co-parent. It's very peaceful, there's no conflict or chaos between them, it's very calm, there are many people who are friends, still friends, still going on trips with the kids or whatever, the co-host is very gentle, yes, it's very good, I'm very proud of my co-hosting life. So, please allow me to follow the direction Can took before we move on to another direction. That is, I want to delve into the story of why it's so beautiful. What made Ken's divorce, which he calls "beautiful," possible? This is a bit funny. The person I knew before my ex-wife, I knew her for 5 years, and we argued almost every week, three or four times. We were together for 5 years, we were still fiancés, and when we broke up, I just said "okay." Then, after our 5th anniversary, I just hoped that if she was my ex-wife, she would be a good ex-wife. In my marriage thinking, I was thinking about the person who came along, hoping that she would be a wonderful ex-wife. Because, yes, I've experienced the same suffering as the first person. And she said that if we lived together, it would be great, but if not, then her personality would be... well, it would be... okay. You stubborn, thick-skinned dad. No, no, I'm not stubborn. I just love to have fun . Giddy. I'm eager but I don't like someone, or maybe I'm just interested in having fun. What does that mean? That is to say, I want to find out what the decision was made to hire that person. To be the one to punish a friend in the house. No, I've wanted to have children since I was 14. Yes, I've always wanted to be a father, but being a husband is a completely different story. That's the kind of thing where I'm always playing the role of a father. Yes. She didn't think about what kind of husband she wanted or how to make him a good husband. Yes. Yes. I didn't think about that. Was that the reason for Kha's divorce? I think that person is the most important thing in my story, in my narrative. I'm very picky about the person I'm looking for; I'm very selective. YES. She said she'd never met anyone before . Maybe someone new recently. The person who recently arrived. YES. What are those conditions? Knowledge, brother. Okay . I need knowledge. Knowledge comes first . Yes. YES. Is it necessary to be beautiful? YES. Are not. I think that's what makes men attractive; it's the knowledge they possess. The book reader, the movie watcher, the music listener, the person with assets. Yes. No, it's just knowledge, sir. My knowledge is about changing the knowledge that's most important to me. Yes. Nothing beats knowledge. Yes. Many people have different standards. For example, Ken says that knowledge is important, but perhaps Ken is someone we've seen in many programs who likes all sorts of things . I like every field. So Ken wants someone who can understand him, who loves him, someone he can talk to about everything. Therefore, Ken knows too much. But there are also people who meet those criteria that Ken uses for selection. But there are also people who just want this to be read by Ngoc Lan, and they're looking for someone, but how do we do that? Worse than them. Much worse than them. They have to portray that he's the kind of man who's kind of patriarchal. They must have some kind of admiration from their wife. And if that wife, during the courtship period, might have been someone she studied with, attended the same school, or was the same age, etc., then things started to change when they started working—changes in job, status, finances. Then, at some point, the husband begins to realize that he is falling far behind his wife. The natural feeling is that there is no happiness anymore. They wanted to assert their rights from a distance. Then that wife might also lack tact. Well, I also realize that I can control my husband, but he's with so many talented people outside, and yet he's so incompetent—it's like he's being flicked from nowhere. There are many ways I've been searching for, the way I've been looking for all these years. Ten years without living together, probably about 60 years, not 10 years, 10 years, 10 years, 10 years, but until I made a decision and I wanted to find out what period of time Ken felt, "Oh, that person, I do n't think we should live together." From the beginning, we talked about this issue. From the start, I said, "Oh, what if we don't get along later?" Then, "Okay, let's live together." Because at that time, I had also gone through a lot of relationships. There were hundreds of people, I knew a lot, I said it a bit strangely, but it sounded like that, I knew a lot, sir. So when I looked up the time when Shadle was down around 36 years old, I knew it would be difficult for me to get married and stay together until the very last moment. How old is your boyfriend/girlfriend? 14 14, right? 17 to 36, there's no relationship. Up to 32, I don't have one, no relationship, I don't have a boyfriend, I don't have a fixed person, one person not fixed, one person not fixed, it's not that I do n't have a boyfriend, I have a fixed person, yes, no, I 've known someone for 4 months, 3 months, yes, yes, but in those 3 or 4 months, it was continuously for three years, six people, for example, within that timeframe, but each person was like that, compliment, I thought about it. Ah, let's see, let's see, what does that mean ? That means my mother poisoned me. Oh no, it's not my parents, it's my mom. My dad and mom always say, "Take it easy." That's a good choice, right? Choose carefully. Choose carefully. But you're being a little too picky. YES. Too meticulous. Knowledge is knowledge, and it's not difficult for most girls, sir. Knowledge is important, and the more knowledge you have, the more beautiful you become. She's beautiful inside and out. The knowledge is simply the kind of knowledge that speaks strongly about that person. Oh, when I walk into a room and have someone next to me, someone knowledgeable, I feel very powerful. It's so strange. Many wealthy people feel that being with a model is like a model walking into a room, a room where they can all stare. As for me, my standard is that it's very quiet. Everyone knows who that person is when they walk in. YES. That person has the most knowledge in this room. At that time, I was the one with so much power, it was too difficult. It means Ken has an admiration for someone who is knowledgeable. She admired him. Yes. I admire and love knowledge, and only when someone surpasses me will I feel truly complete. Yes. I am someone who loves to learn a lot, and I also want a partner who is very knowledgeable . So, going back to the issue of me getting married, back then I didn't think about it, I did n't think that I would probably never be able to live with someone . I think it's in my subconscious. Yes. But I did a thousand other things besides just Ken. Well, this is the truth, and that's what I think is why I'm in this life with the person I am. I was robbed when I was 18, and even before that, for reasons I don't know . When I was 16 or 17 years old, I secretly vowed in my heart to get married. Back then, I was really going out and meeting all sorts of people, but when I thought about marriage, I suddenly realized that seeing my parents or family, the divorces in the neighborhood, might have been a factor. But in my mind, and later when I talked to many other people, they shared the same opinion. They said, "Oh, just marry one wife. Why? One wife is already dead. Besides, having multiple wives is even worse." One woman confronting another has been going on her whole life. So I think that's why. So, right from a young age, from 6 to 67 years old, nothing at all. And you can spend your whole life traveling and having fun, as you'd like to praise, right? So, if you think that marrying someone means spending your whole life with them, then going out and dating girls is just a way to see if they could become your wife. If she were to become my wife, I wouldn't have such demanding requirements as needing praise for her knowledge or anything like that. For me, it fits all the boxes and that's enough . YES. So, I guess that's why that person endured it; that person also likes music like me, also likes painting, also likes art, also knows how to eat, knows how to speak, and is also beautiful. That's also something very normal. There are other people who are just as interested in beauty as Ken. But this is just my personal experience. That's how it is for me. So those things eventually went in that direction. Also, part of my belief is that once I marry someone, that person is the only one in my life, so I have to be accommodating and yielding, right? It's not like, suddenly, "Oh, we're getting a divorce, we don't like each other anymore," or something like that. I won't let that happen and cause the two of you to break up. Luckily for me, my spouse shares my viewpoint and will bring up additional details to help avoid divorce. But now we're talking about divorce. And what was Ngoc Lan's perspective when she married him? Ngoc Lan doesn't have any opinion at all. No, it's just going with the wind . Well, maybe it's because Ngoc Lan grew up in a family where her parents were a bit financially struggling back then. The difficulty lies in the fact that you ca n't, for example, go out with friends, or stay out late, etc. But for me, I think, oh my god, at that age, when I was in high school or college, I saw my friends going out and having fun, and every time there was something like camping or something really difficult to get permission for, I just wanted to get out of it, to get out of it. That's the first thing I wanted . Then, when I went to university and started dating, it just felt very natural . But then it comes down to deciding how many people to pick . Wow. Actually, for example, before saying "I love you," it's just that love is like this. But in small things, for example, sometimes I have feelings for this person or that person, but that's just a one- sided thing on my part. It's just a student's crush. But then again, if I say yes, I'm in love and dating, then it's one person. Then came a time when I didn't know whether it was luck or something else. When I was in my third year of university, my family went abroad, and all I could think was, " Wow, if I go now, I'll just be stuck in this vicious cycle." So, I decided to stay. I didn't go. If I stayed, I would escape this oppressive environment. And so I made a huge decision: I decided not to go to America, even though I had my plane ticket, my flight, everything was set. It felt like a very heavy burden. But unexpectedly, although Ngoc Lan's father was very strict, he loved his daughter very much. Hearing that, I decided that if I stayed, I couldn't be alone like that. If my parents are worried, they'll only feel at ease if I stay and get married. YES. Yeah, so it's like you just meet the person you love and then get married right away. So, how many years had you known your husband at that time? Probably 3 years. Okay, that 's fine then. Three years passed, from the first year in the family until the third year of marriage. Oh wow. So, in the end, he only loved Ngoc Lan. He loved many people before, but I don't know. I do know, but I'm not one of them . So, it's all over now. But as Ngoc Lan once shared, oh my god, I got married at only 20 years old, still in school, and had to face all sorts of treatment. But luckily, God gave me the ability to keep quiet about things, to not say anything, to not say anything, to not say anything. I wouldn't ask, "Why are you guys like that?" or bring it home and tell people about it. It just went on like that, gradually. It was n't that there were storms, but in Ngoc Lan's mind, there was this thought: when I saw couples living together in misery, I thought, "If it's that miserable, then they should get a divorce." And I also thought to myself, "If I were in that situation, I wouldn't let myself fall into that situation." If it were, I would still accept the idea of ​​divorce, not thinking, "Oh, it's just one husband and one wife, if I divorce I'll be laughed at." But luckily, luckily, it was just me... It's not that I've fallen into those situations; sometimes it causes problems, but I'm sure I'm not the talkative person. I don't want it to happen, it doesn't naturally escalate to that point. It shouldn't have escalated to that point, so it's over now. So there's no such thing as it happening in the past thirty-something years, thirty-something years, but I've never said no in those conversations. I've never said "no," I've never brought that up to talk about it. Yes. So, according to Ken, what's the reason behind divorce being such a terrible thing? It's too big. But we want to get to the root cause that led to this destruction . Which Ken Ken did you bring up that led to the divorce? It's not Ken's business, but Ken in general... Special case. Now you have to go in the opposite direction . Yes, I think there are two things I want to share. Firstly, I read the comments, and many people said I'm fascinated by Vietnam because of the male- female dynamic. YES. I want to say that I have never forgotten someone from Vietnam. YES. Just recently. YES. Previously, no. This didn't exist decades ago. Never. Yes. I will never forget it, even though I've been back to Vietnam so many times, sometimes as many as four times a year. Sometimes I never, ever take someone out to eat . What are the reasons for not meeting the eligibility criteria? There are two reasons. There are two reasons. Firstly, I don't like long-distance relationships. It makes me miss it so much, I'm so tired now. Now, that 's the first thing. And the second thing is that their level of knowledge is incredibly vast. Yes, yes. Yes, even among the Americans here, I sometimes find them lacking in manners, but in Vietnam now, there are many people who are more than qualified and knowledgeable than me. And that's why now there's someone, roughly speaking, who has a boyfriend/girlfriend in Vietnam. Yes. That's why I thought that during all these years of developing my mindset, I was looking for someone with sufficient knowledge, but the American culture was n't enough for me because it lacked Vietnamese culture. But Vietnam doesn't have Western culture. That's because I was in a situation where I knew a lot of people, but there wasn't anyone else like me who possessed those two valuable qualities and such strong cultural values. Then I started learning Spanish for about 7 or 8 years, and while I was learning Spanish, I met Mexicans. And when I started French at university for two years, I began meeting people from France. Because I kept in touch with people from France, each stage of my life has its own fascinating and complex aspects. It's incredibly complicated, especially since I also spent a year in Japan, and it created so many different situations. Yes. That's a very special case for me, but when we're talking about working together, how can I find out the reasons, motivations, and financial aspects? YES. Huh? Already. Isn't that pitiful? Let the baby sit here. The baby is sitting here. No problem. Oh my God. Do you love me? Okay, let's continue. 1 2 3 4 5. The main issue here is that I want to find out the reasons that led to this strange phenomenon. YES. Yes. And there are some cases I know of that are very small, yet people are willing to let go of everything. But there's a bigger issue: either he went back to Vietnam to get married, or she found another boyfriend. There are cases like this, ladies and gentlemen, that I know of. My friend said that if he had understood how to resolve disputes and conflicts when he was younger, he wouldn't have packed his bags and left home. YES. After finding out that his wife was having an affair with someone else, T asked why. Anh said it like this: My ego is too big, my waistline is too big, so when I think, "Oh, the person I'm in love, suddenly, out of nowhere, that person marries someone else," it means they consider me too superfluous. The man couldn't stand that. But then he thought about it again, and he said he hadn't been willing to reflect on his own situation. He's always out and about, and his wife is at home... she's told him several times that he should become a police officer. YES. Then, around midnight or 2 or 3 in the morning, they're all gone . Often, the next day would pass without her knowing what had happened, and she might not even know if he went out to have an affair with someone else. They talked to each other, but he was too busy, and she was at home taking care of the kids and all sorts of things. Finally, by chance, she went out and met someone, and after talking to him, she suddenly realized that this person was a perfect match for her. YES. She had a lot of free time, so she secretly went out with her husband, but she still loved him, only because he didn't provide her with what she needed. Later, her husband thought about it and realized he was willing to quit his job as a police officer. I find those children hard to believe. Yes. What did he mean by "just say it"? It's a pity that after a while, when I sat down and thought about it, I might have reconsidered, but during that time, I would never have given up my job as a police officer. I think that the issue of divorce has millions of reasons, just like there are millions of dishes on this earth; there are many forms and many reasons. There can't possibly be a reason for it. I think it's vast. Yes. For example, I know a lot about divorce. They lived together for decades. He has never been back to Vietnam for this matter very often. Then, all of a sudden, I thought there must be something behind it, right? When the two of them returned to Vietnam, he went to get a haircut, but he didn't have kidneys, did he? I go to the hair salon and I like the hairdresser. He went to get his hair done, and the hairdresser was in her thirties or forties, but somehow, even after coming back to America, he still has feelings for her . When his wife found out about it, she suddenly abandoned everything she had shared with him over the years. She stormed off, demanding a divorce and throwing his things out. So from then on, she kept him, and she meant something like that, but maybe if the two of them, or especially here, she would just sit down and talk, about men, now I ask you and me I ask you and me, what do you think about compatibility, about loving each other, about how much percentage, how much truly loving each other for the rest of life, until the last breath, how much percentage, that percentage, I don't have that number, that number, but from Ken's question and the story that Thuy brought up, Ngoc Lan realized this: marriage is not a prison, meaning that once you're married, there are some people, some wives who keep their husbands like something else. Well, the husband is the same way . It means that when you go out, you're not allowed to compliment that girl, or look at that person. The husband looked at his wife and wondered why she was talking on the phone with a male colleague after going home, or if she was slow. That means it's a prison. That's what Ngoc thinks. It doesn't have enough space for each person. So many people keep saying, " Oh, why did you let your husband go back to Vietnam alone?" When those people asked that question, Ngoc Lan already knew it meant failure . It means they don't trust their husbands. They were like a plague, they were saying, "Oh my God, if I go to bed like this, I'll lose my husband." It means they're not giving that person any room to breathe. But, sister, it's really hard to keep your husband. It's water. The difficulty lies in the fact that, as they say, a kite needs a string, but sometimes you can let it fly up and sometimes you can reel it back in. However, if you don't have that flexibility, it will be difficult. Ngoc Lan thinks back and feels lucky to have the space to breathe. Ngoc Lan gets to do the work she likes. Ngoc got married and went to work all the time. Many people said, "Oh my god, you're always traveling like that, won't your husband get jealous?" Or, "My husband needs to go back to Vietnam to visit his family, sometimes for two or three weeks a month." Some women said, "Oh, aren't you afraid?" Ngoc Lan didn't listen to any of them. Now, I'll ask you right away, "So, what if he has a girlfriend?" Ngoc Lan thought, "If, if I found out, my first feeling would be that I would be hurt, I would be hurt in every way." But then maybe we should sit down and talk about what it is, what the cause is, and whether we can salvage the situation or not, instead of just making a fuss on our own . In that case, the fault might lie with me; I might no longer have the energy to attract the other person, and it depends on the situation at that moment. But if it's someone I no longer have feelings for, then Ngọc L thinks that's all. Because this topic can cover so many tasks; it's vast and boundless. Many people look at the way Ken went about it, where people get divorced but still maintain a close relationship, co-parenting their children, or even if they don't have children, they become friends who can still talk to each other. They said it was a really good thing. But in reality, besides Kandra, is there any colleague at Ly Do Saigon TV who has ever told me the story that sounds like something out of a movie? What does that mean ? This girl is still very young. She said, "Oh, I have to go home today to look after the kids." Her younger siblings asked, " Are you my blood relative? What's your relationship to me ?" That means this person's parents divorced, the mother remarried, and the father remarried. So, that's it, this girl lives with her mother, but the child of that green-haired guy was brought here and left to stay. At this house, it's always watching, always watching. And they treat them like family. So I think wow, it's really cool, and it still happens. They don't have a surname, they treat it like two families. This girl is the child of those two people, so now she's in the middle, and the children from this side, her father's illegitimate child, her mother's illegitimate child—they're all gathered into the house. He's the kind of person who praises the kids and calls them "little ones," but he really loves those kids. Then the other two didn't have any problems either. Ngoc Lan thought it was a really good breakup. But not everyone is treated that way; most people look at each other like enemies. Mostly. Why so? I think that the reason for the divorce is just the group's opinion. One of the two of them is being too selfish. Selfishness here means that if he doesn't do what I want, then everything is fine. YES. She didn't do what I wanted. Back when I married her, I thought she was beautiful, she was this and that, but now she doesn't take care of herself anymore. On the surface, when I returned to Vietnam, I found a truly amazing girl, a "rainy day" girl. I can't be with her, I can't sleep with her because she's no longer here. But he still has enough energy to go back to Vietnam and sleep with other women. That's his business. That old-fashioned tyrant was the only one who actually existed. What I'm presenting is based on what I've seen in the past; taking photos was quite good. Oh my god, the engineer is making a toilet to print money into. But deep down, this guy is really a country bumpkin. Oh well, I'll just have to put up with it . I could tolerate his country bumpkin ways, so I married him. Because his family is quite well-off. So, the couple got married and lived together for several decades . But when things got better for a while, then suddenly he lost his job, and since he couldn't find work, she started criticizing him, saying he couldn't do anything at all, while her friends' husbands were doing well, they were independent, and she got better thanks to her marriage. Now she looks at him with contempt, disdain, and that's how the distance grows wider and wider, they're no longer close, and they criticize each other about everything. The problem is, it's very difficult. In the 2000s, if you're 25, or 23, or 25, how do you know yourself, how do you know others? It's also difficult because two people who know each other don't have a deep understanding of life. In their youth, how can they know so much? They get married and then divorce. I see that divorce is more common than staying together, so there's more praise and criticism than divorce. You could say it's a problem in many communities. I think it's a big issue. Secondly, there's living together. For example, you're right. For example, if you're together and unhappy, then most people are unhappy. But I think there's something else: I think people need each other. And if you get married, I think that for 3 years, 10 years, 30 years, you live with each other, and it's about nurturing your souls . It's through overcoming difficulties that we can truly grow as individuals . That will be the second topic. How can we stay together? YES. Because I think the issue of whether or not to divorce is a real problem. But the most important thing is that I learned lessons while lying down. Because we hope that this program, as well as future programs, will help those of you who are in a situation where you can neither stay nor leave, or where you are bound by certain things and don't want to let go, and you can't let go because you're stuck in a rut. Then you should ask yourselves: what is holding you back? What can help you overcome your selfishness? Let go of your ego, find a way to let go of your ego in order to accept what he has to offer. Because nobody is a saint. Everyone has flaws. Many people have many other flaws as well. He sleeps soundly, snores, or something like that, or is in a bad mood or something like that. How do I nurture that relationship from the beginning when I was young? Like, when I was young, I didn't get to know each other well enough, and I didn't even know who I was anymore. Looking back now, I'm saying, "Did I make a wrong decision?" This is no different from going to a casino for me, right? When I was 23, 24, 30, even 30, I didn't have enough life experience. Now I understand that my lack of life experience has made it hard to correct my mistakes, so I can just say, "Okay, okay, I don't want to live with you anymore." Because divorce is absolutely necessary; there's no way to fight back anymore. Yes. Mr. Thuy said that people get divorced because everyone has their own selfishness. Well, Ngoc Lan thinks it's not entirely true because the issue of divorce is so vast and complex . It's truly vast. Well, sometimes people like Ken say that when they're young and in love, they don't know what kind of person they'll become later on. When I was 20, I didn't know what I would be like at 25, or at 30, or what kind of person I would become after some major event in my life . Then those things lead to conflicts with one's spouse. Well, sometimes it 's a big deal, but sometimes it's a small thing when two people get married and neither of them has children yet. For example, that's the case, but when a child is born, the issues of raising and educating that child can cause conflicts that lead to irreconcilable differences . So, it's already a divorce, not to mention other issues, like when you first fall in love, everything seems so beautiful. Often, after a fight, everyone just goes home and stays there for two or three days. But once you're living together, oh my, it's not just a matter between the two of you. Today, the father-in-law says something, tomorrow the mother-in-law says something, and all those things have an impact. So there are so many things. But the important thing is, as Ngoc Lan said the other day when talking to a psychologist, they said that many marriages that last as long as Ken said are not truly happy, but they endure each other because they haven't dared to let go yet . They get divorced when the internal push is strong enough and the external pull is strong enough to break free. Sometimes, the question remains: "Oh my God, if I leave, if I leave here, who knows, maybe the person I meet next will have the same path, or maybe it will be worse? Or if I leave, suddenly, many people will say, 'Oh, my wife, my child, another man will come in and abuse my child,' so I have to be patient. Staying here means there are many things besides selfishness. The main reason for divorce is the inability to forgive each other." YES. Yeah. But in my situation, I don't need to forgive my ex-partner. K's picture is so beautiful. No, there are many people like you. People are not selfish, nor are they the kind of people who do anything that would cause unforgiveness. What Ken meant was that he was aware of other people's divorce experiences. Yes. Similar to that case. Correct. Yes. It also has many great things about it. They entered into a partnership where nothing was highly valued; they placed great importance on living life to the death, like Catholicism, and that was fine, I'm used to it. So, please forgive me for that selfishness. So, going back to the question of what causes the most divorces ? I'm in love, but I'm unhappy, so I have to avoid getting carried away. If he has a girlfriend, she has a boyfriend, then it all boils down to unhappiness. I think that if you break it down into percentages, it 's like financial data. If you click on a computer and research this, it's a small matter, right? No, it's not small at all, sir. It's not small at all. Oh my God, finances are so important. So, according to Ken, why? Because he doesn't earn enough money, she earns enough for the two of them to live comfortably. Or maybe he's too rich and takes her money to go partying, or sometimes one person doesn't want to spend money and the other feels they have enough. Why not live a life that's fun and where you can enjoy it? A person throws themselves into making money. Yes. Then they get too engrossed in it and don't bother using it. One person looks at the other person who does nothing but spends too much money That's a lot too, brother. The financial issue is the most important thing. I think financial problems are what cause so much unhappiness. Yes. And here in America, those of you in Vietnam, or even right here, will see that in America, materialism has become a huge topic, especially in Hollywood and many other productions. When getting married, they should sign an agreement beforehand stating that his money is his money, and her money is hers. Well, you have a point. The South has that kind of thing, but Vietnamese people don't... no, no, no, they're not used to it. Now, Vietnam has it, but it's only just now. Now, women in Vietnam who are influenced by foreign ideas are earning more money than people here. So, the foundation of divorce stems from that, right? Well, somewhere along the line . That's because we no longer trust each other. So, you've already brought up the issue of money, right? Wait, but, but, but, but, if we learn the history of marriage, the history of England, the 1400s, that's when merital law began, the Victorian era began. Marriage law started in England, and from there it opened up so many cases that we see today. That's a different episode, a different story. YES. When I sat down and analyzed it, I realized that the issue of marriage is ultimately financial. The foundation of a marriage is all about finances. The Catholic financial system only came into existence after the Catholic Church enacted laws; it wasn't like God came down and said we had to live together. No no no. From within the legal system, it's something new, something new, something new that influences Catholicism and other Christian religions. Conversely, as we might think, it's not like God forces us to live together. In those times when Israel was in the past, it was like heaven and earth, and in the next episode, we will be able to talk about the reasons why we are together, and there is no reason for it. If we follow that direction, as we have said, we will overlook selfishness, we will overlook jealousy, and we will learn to forgive each other. Those are the issues we are talking about, the directions that come from the most trivial matters. Ngoc Ngoc L thinks there are some divorce cases that are very absurd, and because of that absurdity, it can strike a chord in the heart that the person hasn't thought about yet, like touching that spot and thinking, 'Oh no, this ca n't be done,' and so they separate just because he doesn't like my parents. YES. Ngoc L thought, for example, that in Ngoc Lan's thinking, it all boils down to money, finances, or whatever else, but Ngoc Lan just lumps it all into one thing: empathy. If they could empathize with everyone else, including their spouse, then it would be okay. The rest is why I can't accept this, I can't accept that, I can't accept anything about them. That's empathy. But now, sister, your husband says, 'Oh, now that we've saved 1 million, we should go back to Vietnam and start a company because he sees a promising future and insists on returning.' Can you understand that, sister? There's no way I find it difficult to talk about it; in my own family, I've seen so many similar cases, so many of them. Yes, that's why I said, for example, that if someone doesn't sympathize now, it's because I can't accept his reasoning that he should take that money back to Vietnam to do something. But then there are people who will think, "Why ca n't we allow someone who wants to do something they like to do something they want to do?" These are the times when I was 28, then 32, getting married, and I couldn't possibly predict that when I was 50, my husband would have a dream of opening a company in Vietnam. At that point, Ngoc L said that if you have empathy and understand that everyone has dreams, then you will accept it. But if you can't accept it, meaning you don't have the empathy and understanding of the other person's feelings, then you'll just dismiss it. I have a sister-in-law who is absolutely wonderful. It's probably because of personality; everyone has a different mindset, but I think that's the reason why she's so compatible with my older brother—he can do anything he wants . She accepted everything, but when asked about it, she said, "Oh, that's just how he is. He's so mean." She did n't talk about forgiveness at all. But is he any good? As for my brother, well, I don't dare say anything about him right now. But there are some things that I think other people would n't be able to tolerate if they married him. But is he talented? There are many things. But I think, I think it would be difficult for any woman to endure this . Then this person is special, but they understand him, they accept him, so they can live with him. I see that when she lets go of everything, she says, "Oh, my husband is handsome or not, it's okay to me. There are flaws I accept, and there are handsome things I also accept. Nothing is terrible to me. I think living like that is happiness, finding happiness is very easy. He, he, living like me, is unhappiness until he dies." Because you see? Too many suitors, but still end up alone. But sometimes, for him, a wife like that is just someone he listens to and agrees with. Why would he need to find someone else when, to him, such a wife is simply wonderful? So the two of them just relied on each other to live their lives. Then Ngoc Lan said that people have their own space and they respect the other person's space. And when they respect that space, that person has the right, for example, if they go out today and meet a very beautiful woman, and she says something like, "I can tell the other person about it," and the other person listens and tells them about it, even if it's sunny or rainy, but in the end, they still go home. They listen, but on the condition that they go to another house. If they go to another house, it becomes a huge deal. Would that person accept forgiveness? So, in the end, I'm going back to the question: what is it that's so big in life that it could lead to divorce? That's the question of what I can tolerate, up to a certain point. Knowing that he sleeps with other people, whether I can accept it or not is another matter; some people can accept it. American culture is intolerant. Vietnamese culture is 5050. Oh, that's strange. Is American culture all about being full? American culture is 100%. He slept outside of the relationship, he was with some kind of American wife, and no, not even an American, would forgive him. Anyone who gives birth here, I think that's something that can never be forgiven. While it might seem that American culture is very relaxed when it comes to Asian culture, it's actually quite acceptable. Yes. While my mother-in-law is a man who has been married for generations, I know that right now, there are men who are three or four years old, buying each woman a house, a mansion. He's rich, but he doesn't have Vietnamese culture, he doesn't have anything at all. When asked, I still love him, it's not that I'm with him and I don't have money, I truly love him. I accept the fact that he's from a certain generation, European culture, what's with the gender differences? Europe is different, but America is difficult, America is like that. When you hear Europeans and Asians, Americans say, "Guys are crazy." America looks at Vietnam, America looks at Vietnam, and Europeans and foreigners say, "Wow, that man who sleeps around outside is Ly Dien." I think that's only in Vietnam, but now it's over. Now, I don't think a Vietnamese woman living in America would accept a husband like that. I don't know why, but I know people will have many reasons, depending on the generation, brother. It depends on the generation, but mother... I'm okay, no problem, no problem. My mom has absolutely no problem at all. Yeah, yeah, keep the balance between pride and showing off . Just keep the balance between pride and self-respect. Yes. YES. So the issue is why couples who have loved each other deeply for so many years suddenly get divorced, leaving many people stunned. It's not uncommon for couples to separate within the first two or three years of marriage; some couples even live to be 40 or 50 years old and still separate, which is quite surprising. Those are many reasons why Ngoc Lan thinks everyone will start reflecting on their marriage. As Khe said, the chances of finding true happiness are very slim, very slim indeed. Those who are happy until the end of their lives often tolerate each other; are you, too, tolerating each other? The most beautiful thing is that I was in a 55-year marriage, where the woman was better than the man, and a few months later the man died too. It's the most beautiful, the most beautiful. That's great. Like Romeo and Juliet. Yes. When I arrive, I'll talk about how people can live together for 40 or 50 years, not just 2 or 3 years, right? This, this... I guess I have to go to my room, I can't talk about this topic. I don't have experience, but I hope Ken will at least have some thoughts to help him if he decides to take another step. Oh, some people don't get divorced once, twice, three times, three times... I think in this life, in this life of mine, I don't know many people, I don't need to know many, at least I know now. That's enough for me to have some thoughts so that if I take another step, I know what I'll do, right? It's complicated, isn't it? I know, it's very complicated. My conditions are incredibly complicated, so why would I set those conditions? I'm not setting conditions, but that's just how my life is . YES. This means Ken is someone who doesn't want to have a marriage certificate to tie him down, but Ken is someone who likes it. Yes. But even so, I don't want anyone else to suffer . What's important is that they are willing to be alone, even if it means praising themselves for it. Yes, I'm willing, but I have two children, and I have a very nice ex-wife. I'm not enough. Now, if you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, that's okay. Yes, the person I admire is someone I can talk to all night long, discussing all sorts of topics, and we don't even need to live together. No, no, it's not necessary. We're definitely close in age, like soulmates, and this age is just too tiring, man. Oh, I'm so tired, I'm really exhausted. See that, ladies and gentlemen? See? One, I already want to die, let alone. Two, if we're just getting to know each other for fun, then it's okay anytime. Yes. But I'm not thinking about marriage anymore. Yes. If the opportunity arises and both sides agree, I'll be open, but I won't look for it anymore. So, if you're watching this episode and find yourself in a situation where you think it's unacceptable, then try watching the next episode. Because we're going to discuss what we can do to save that marriage. Based on our experiences , and the experiences we've seen in many families we know, we've observed various aspects and environments that contribute to how we can live our lives with our spouses. Please continue watching, and thank you once again for your viewership. Okay, if you like it, there's a like button, then subscribe, and also introduce this program to others so we get as many comments as possible . Ngoc Lan said she would read it continuously. Thank you for the compliment. Ngoc thanks you all. Thank you for watching. See you again in the next episode. Thank you, sister, and also thank you, brother, for reading. Please remember to leave a comment. Thank. Bye bye. Sincerely yours. H