I went to an old girls school I really struggled a lot I hated it the whole way through struggled a lot with bullies it took me 5 years to get into military and I didn't pass my aptitude test and then I passed the aptitude at which point I had a letter in the post saying well done you've been successful you're joining in September I really want to be a Commando helicopter pilot I dreamt about it my life revolved around around leading up to it and every day during the course like this is the only thing in my life that matters right now I wanted to past more than anything but I think looking back it made me into am today today's guest on the debrief then the accolades are too many to name right here and now but serving ro royal naval officer yes serving Royal Navy Commando yes yeah there's loads I'm telling you we're going to do brief of this one properly let's go Lily how are you great great and thanks for having me great to be here no thanks for coming so listen I'm going to I'm going to do what I do with all my guests I'm going to take you right back to the beginning where you all started and all that sort of stuff and then we'll bring you through and then we'll look where you're going all right so where did it start for Little Lily where was you what your what I grew up so I grew up down the road in Virginia Water um I know very very lucky up bringing very very hard working dad my dad worked nights for really what do your dad do he Wholesale Fruit and veg back in before supermarkets like so supplied the whole of London nights for 45 years wow really so he was like he was up at the crack of as Spar F and absolutely just nailing it every day six days a week every all year round so yeah really lucky to have the upbringing and the dad and then the mom full-time mom yeah um stay together all that sort of stuff stable background then yeah super super stable like still together now um M was it's not often you hear that either do you know what I mean it's nice yeah it's super I think obviously they had their difficulties and they've stayed together for me and my brother to give us the kind of the sa older brother younger brother older brother he's 32 does he look after is he is he like an older brother no I don't know we were we were super close as kids uh really close um he's quite sporty as well uh but he's I I say I would say he's the academic one in the family very much so loves reading into the books and you have an argument with him he's like I'm G to get the Google Scholar article out and show you exactly um and now he he works in London in a highflying job doing really well um there and I'm just like I'm going to go travel and okay so let's talk about your schooling then where did you go to school I went to school in Ascot um I went to an old girls school uh from the ages of 10 to 15 was that boarding was it no it was day school but I I really struggled a lot there um I hated it the whole way through start to finish I had struggle a lot with bullies um really what was it what was the line of the bully I I was bullied at school as well I just didn't fit anywhere I went no no what was the sort of like what was their torment it was I was really into my sport yeah um really driven I wanted to play netb I was playing netball across hockey county level Regional level I did Athletics and P VA like for me school was about Sport and being really good at sport yeah and nothing wrong with that by the way yeah and um I wasn't smart but we'll come we'll come back to that and um I just think the girls didn't like me being part of them and they were very wealthy School e chonic equivalent to eaten school and um like I didn't kind of fit in you were outside of the click yeah my dad my dad was and remember one of the one of the parents I wouldn't talk was that the fruit and veg thing you well yeah one oh he's a bar boy yeah he very much boy's daughter exactly exactly and like one one of the parents were like oh you're the you're the CORE blimy family you're the really I'm so proud I'm so proud of my dad and my family yeah absolutely I'm rightly I just didn't I just didn't fit in at all um and I left but I think looking back it made me into woman I am today like I very much I don't follow the pack um maybe not the military is maybe not quite the right place to be but I carve my own path I don't I don't really want to be like anyone else and I think that's a product of going to that school and not wanting to be like being set out the one side but still being determined enough to do something about it and not just give up yeah yeah exactly exactly and so about college in that so you went through school you didn't like it had enough of that did you go to college I went to sixth form just so you take more school yeah yeah yeah enough yet no no I'm still learning now 830 yeah um I went to R BL coat which was an all boy school and mixed in sixth form so this was my first experience of being in like a super male dominated environment and I never really left it since since that point because I I loved I loved SE form um I loved being that in that environment being around boys who want to play football at lunchtime um I went on to be head girl there and wow so what sort of stuff were you getting up to there um just I actually was in my kind of pole vating phase then um I wanted to go to the Junior Olympics um at that that kind of stage I studying for as levels a levels yeah and then towards the end of a levels I said to my dad I think I'd like to take a year out and try and make it and we kind of sat sat down like try to make it in athletics and I sat down at home and Dad just kind of remember him saying you know if you don't make it you've got nothing really to fall back on you've got no University um obviously we're we're we're here for you but he gently nudged me towards going to to UNI so um I left that that school and then yeah then went on to UNI what did you do in uni um I studied geology at Imperial in London um and I love that as well I remember being I struggled a lot with uh mental health and eating disorder in that kind of phase of My Life um and I remember uni being quite a lot of memories being tied back to that struggle um I loved uni what brought that on do you think some of you Haven to keep fit for the sport is it I'll take it the eating disorder to keep your weight down not to put it on yeah no yeah yeah as like 40 kilos 40 Kos my lightest I'm like 65 64 now okay um I don't know I think I'm super obsessive really obsessive personality and I don't know what sparked me in when I was about 10 I think the other girls at school was were talking about their weight girls were talking about going to throw up at lunchtime because they were were overweight and we were really young it was really really concerning that that I'm if it happened for me it's happening for for other other was going through that stage and that was a bit like oh she's really thin so that mean does does I am I am I fat then and like at 10 11 years old that was kind of implanted and um I was then just so driven so driven to be thin for the next 10 years but kind of trying to put a positive spin on this that drive and that mindset I've now still got that but I've managed to like harness it in something positive yeah I've said this to a couple of people before if you can drive yourself so hard that way you can drive yourself just as easily that way I mean you just got to take that that step to turn it around and that's exactly that's very much down to yourself like to be honest but it is once you've done that you just got to come flying out the other side you know what I mean ex you're hoovering up opportunity then is you exactly exactly it's ridiculous I'm really I'm really fortunate to have got out of it cuz when you're in there it's it's super it's super I kind of thought there's no way out at some points it's quite dark place and I hope that people listening today kilos you've carried heavier Burg now yeah I have yeah lot heav Burg yeah yeah yeah um but yeah I hope that people can see like it there is there is a way out of it and see that as it's actually quite positive trait that drive just refocus it into something like with a positive outcome and like you just said you're on your way end the ball's rolling that's a really kind of positive characteristic to have so you get yourself through uni yeah what do you want to do then you're still doing the sports stuff you or you stepped off the gas stepped off the gas a little bit Yeah so I went to UNI I tried to continue pole vault but I couldn't do it like I did before um having to go to UNI and travel to where my coach was there's a lot of commitment for these sports for young people is there if you're going to get anywhere near the top yeah it's got to be full time be on it yeah definitely um so I stepped off the gas I joined the swimming and water po team at Uni I started jimming loads um I wanted and then the key change I think for my life in uni was I joined the university Air Squadron okay um which I know Mandy Hixon also did yeah listening to her her podcast earlier um and I was flying at Uni so any basically any day you get off uni you can go and fly and get paid 40 P to go and do it would I know I know and I was like this is great and we were on a camp with regulars was that Chipmunks or something was it it was the gobor the one after aircraft after ship runks um and um we were on a camp with serving um military guys on their Elementary flying training which is kind of the start of their flying career and I just thought this is so cool all they do is fly do Fizz and drink like this this is not a job I want to do this yeah exactly I like I want to do this yeah um so that's kind of the spark that got me set really towards uh the military and I did I did CCF in that in the sixth form which I really enjoyed as only female in that and like thrived in that went to UNI joined the the uas um I did the after training Corp for a year as well okay um you f that I didn't like it because at the time ironically I didn't like being in the field so and going on to what I've done now yeah off me I know I know I just I hated I hated being cold wet and miserable and I didn't like their hardship at that time that that P and I was like going out on an exercise on my weekend on like some in some horrible weather and winter I did it I G through it yeah yeah exactly I gz through it and I just thought n I'm going to join the US and fly fly planes yeah so I left that and there also it's also the OTC was a massive unit the London unit's huge so I don't really ever felt like Phil I really click clicked off fitted in anywhere whereas the US is a lot smaller there were 40 Maxs in my intake and London us is also the biggest one in the country uh and then very quickly I made really good friends in us we're all flying all the time you're going on at all the time um you Adventures training yeah um and is you're not sh a just training no no no no most of it is in my own time I'm not knocking it for I'm jealous people like how do you get so much time off for at I'm like I do it my time yeah yeah absolutely um but um yeah yeah that was my spark to join up I applied when I was 20 I didn't get in so the wi the Navy why the Navy okay um cuz you everything's been Air Force for you so far isn't it really in terms of your OTC and all that sort yeah CCF was Army OTC was Army and then four years in the U the RF that University yeah yeah doing um it took me five years to get into the military um I applied when I was 20 um and I didn't pass my aptitude test um which as Mandy describes I'll go I'll go through it again for the purpose of of today an aptitud test is like it took me eight hours to do aptitud test because is just an aptitude test aimed at flying yes it's flying aptitude test yeah yeah cuz the one I did I was like that put in the boxes put the squares in the boxes and the circles in the C yeah um there a flying up to your chest it's eight hours um I think it's meant to take about four I was always last one in there I did it three times and I'm quite heavily dyslexic So reading the questions always took me ages the english comprehension part of it I was always like oh my God I'm so maxed um but I was I was managed to pass those bits I failed twice on um kind of you've got vehicle a needs to get from vehic get from a to d via these are the distances these are the speeds he's traveling and these are the fuel he's using me already I'm telling I know I know I work out how much F he's got left where is he now yeah and that's exactly what I was like in the atude test I looked these numbers I was like 30 yeah like I don't know pop up on this one yeah yeah yeah yeah the first two times I did it I was like crunching you got a minute you got a minute to answer every question yeah a whole problem and I was looking at this number trying to Crunch them trying to work out the exact number the first two times they failed on the same test both times I was like right and you can only do it once a year so I applied 20 like 2020 oh sorry not 2020 I applied in join in 2019 so I applied initially about 2013 um I failed then you had to wait a whole 12 months to again again so pred again 20145 failed in the same test as passing the overall pass Mark if you pass on if you fail on one test then you don't you don't get through and then I wasted another year meanwhile I was working for BP I left University I worked for BP for a couple years as a geologist which I hated the office life was not not what I wanted to do and it's quite a valuable lesson doing that because now it makes me appreciate my job quite a lot more that I'm not sure it does yeah yeah yeah yeah um then the third time I applied I was like right this is the thing I struggle with this is how I'm going to approach it and we look at the numbers and estimate and that's what they were they were looking looking for right he's using about that much fuel he's got about B this much distance therefore he must have about this much fuel left he put that in and then it's and that year I passed and I passed the flying colors of the last okay so my pot luck theory was right then yeah yeah a bit of that a bit of that and makes this got it yeah but the first two times I wildly wrong the force is it you know what I mean yeah M tricks yeah exactly um so I I end up passing that third time yeah but then I had problems with medical um I've got a a bunion on my left foot and they're like oh that's medical discharge and I was like I do a lot of yeah as a pilot they they I put this positively um they it's just a super hard medical you need to be they can't take the risk they can't positive about a bun yeah there nothing no they can't take the risk on on air crew because we cost so many millions to train if you got something wrong with you at the start there's the chances that it's going to amplify get I do get yeah yeah and I had um some lung capacity issues which really surprised me so that basically took 18 months to go through I had to go through to Chelsea W hospital and do a h lung capacity test blowing into a tube those tubes yeah yeah yeah yeah and they give you like some gas and it restricts your lungs by a certain percentage you blow again and then you keep blowing until you're less than 80% of what you started at and then they stop because it quite dangerous and you need to be able to blow out a certain amount of air with each increment of this gas um and I was like so far below the the the threshold and the doctor sat me down and just said look these results are so bad we're going to get you to come back again and do them again because they're abnor they're abnormally low like for a person you're as fit as you are they should not be this low Okay so meanwhile I had been traveling for about six months um I came back to do that to do that test and i' I'd H to plan hope to then join a few months later I was going to go traveling again the doctor was like you need to come back so this paperwork sits on the medic's desk for I don't know three three four months and I'm still at home waiting not traveling not really doing very much I wasn't no longer working from BP uh I left there I just I wasn't it wasn't for me um eventually showing up I say am I going to get another medical to do to test my like lung capacity yeah and um and they're like oh oh the papers are here on the desk oh we'll book you in next week I just like so three months I've kind of been sat around and like that's something I recommend people applying now if you're waiting a long time keep going ring them up yeah keep going I say this to young people all the time just keep going keep your finger be pain in the ass absolutely it don't matter does it it don't matter but look yeah it's not worth trying to be polite and just wasting time at home ring them up Chase it up so I I end up getting it again and the test results this time were worse and the doctor sat down he said this is really really odd but I'm not going to be able to recommend you to join um the Navy I come back around to why apply to name in a minute as a pilot yeah and I was a bit like okay I've been traveling for ages I had the best time in Brazil I like I'm going to go move to Brazil and teach English and cross and be a dive instructor and had this like rose tinted like Vision in my mind that I'm going to go out there and just give up on this whole idea of join join the Navy and then a few weeks later I had a letter in the post saying well done you've been successful you're joining in September into the Navy and I was like oh my God and I was at home of my own and I just I just started crying cuz I didn't want to join anymore and I don't know why I was upset but I wanted moved to Brazil with this Roose hinted life and I wrong Mom and Dad I said I've been intercepted into Navy and Mom and Mom and Dad did not want me to go to Brazil they sent me up to my brother who lived in Scotland at the time to go on a cycling weekend with him so he could he could lecture me on how not to go to Brazil he he's very sweet about it we had a really nice weekend at the end of the weekend he sat had a brief had a brief from Mom and Dad sat down the end the weekend and just said look Mom and Dad are really worried about you you've got private school educatione from a really good University now he wants to go to Brazil to teach English like it's not really the path that they they're not they and my dad I think found it really hard to tell me that because he didn't want me to he didn't want to tell me what to do with my life um and my mom found that really hard as well um and in no way ever have they said we want you to do this but this was one the time when they did it through my brother and at the end of that weekend George sat down with me and said let's f a CV we sat and write a CV and I was I was really as was thread is I was like I don't want to work in London in an office like I've worked for BP and George was like you work for corporate company you haven't worked for a small startup it's really fun it's really like he was doing that at the time and he like kind of made me sit down and write my CV with him and we sent it off to loads of companies like Angel angel.com or something at the time and I again was just really really annoyed this was before I think I had had my I'm not sure I'd had my Navy application my Navy accepted or not at this time anyway that kind of coming forward a little bit I run mom and dad and said I've been intercepted into Navy and Mom and Dad were like oh my God that's fantastic that's great when you starting and I was like I don't want to start like I really don't want to start I want to go to Brazil I want to live abroad I don't I feel like I don't belong in this country at that time I still want to move away when I'm older but see Al or something but that's that's another story um and Mom and Dad said said you need to think about this you've been applying for four years you've you you finally made it in and um in the end I basically settled for I'll join as far I can I'll defer my place as many times as I can and go traveling get it off my chest and I see as much as well as I can and come back to the Navy uh the following May so I'd been I basically had a year I had a whole year traveling um had an amazing time I ran the AFCO and I said can I ask to defer my place um the guy who was managing my application and he was like you can't do that it's really really rare that you do that and he's like I put it forward for you but it it probably won't happen in the meantime I'm still really upset I'm still like oh I don't know I'm going to set this a place or not got an email back saying your place has been deferred to May 2019 and I was like great two days later I played to Ecuador and mom was like can you not just wait like two weeks so you can pack and get what you need and I was I was like 19 at this point or how I 22 or kind of early 20s and um I was like there is no time to waste mom I I'm going to Ecuador this is what I'm doing I when I get to Ecuador I'll plan where I'm going and I had the best time the best time and it was even better because I knew I was coming back it wasn't a thing that um yeah you weren't having a try and you you have the sword over your neck all the time of having to try and make S work you know if it all goes PE Tong you just go home didn't you exactly use all my money from BP every penny I had was spent on that trip yeah yeah it was was brilliant and then I came back and I joined the Navy in May 2019 and then I passed the aptitude at which point I could have done used those same scores for the RAF because I passed for both and I just thought I'm on this road now I'd like to continue with the Navy these are the and I kind of convinced myself that I want to go senior service I want to do the deck Landings all of that kind of stuff that comes with the Navy and then I continued and obviously that's kind of why I'm I'm in the Navy today okay so you joined the Navy you got where where's your training for the Navy so training for the Navy is at Dartmouth y um V Ro Navy College um I love my first term there very much it was like super novel really good fun and then I met a guy and started dating him and he had been in uh the military prior and he had didn't enjoy Dartmouth at all this is quite a valuable lesson for me there in my early Navy careers cuz we love to moan we love to drip it bonds us doesn't it yeah yeah um but if you got nothing to moan about the say wrong exactly exactly but this guy really brought me down I think in my in my second term sorry if he's he's listening to this um but it taught me a lot going out with him because I let his thoughts completely dictate my mood so if he wasn't enjoying I was like well this is also like I'm also not enjoying this this is rubbish and looking back I'm like actually now if something's rubbish or like something's a bit miserable I kind of stand back and go is it really miserable or am I just joining in because yeah am I just dripping because everyone else is dripping you're right yeah and some people just some people drip for the sake of Dripping but are actually enjoying it I was Dripping and also finding it really miserable so now I drip as well but actually my actually quite good um so that was quite valuable going out with him and moving forward to be like okay am I actually am I actually finding this miserable kind of stand back this is a pretty cool job like we're we're we're always we're always doing something cool so I I got through the back end of darkmouth I got out of that fine um you can also you can also compare it back to am I with BP still sat riding a desk clut you know what I mean and that's yeah you know I always look back my very first job was washing up and then I've got a job in the factory yeah and I always look back to to these geeses in the factory that were just trimming plastic all day like you know what I mean yeah how was that I know I know and my parents when I was really little super naughty at school they used to say if you don't study you're going to be um sell balloons at thought Park that that was their that was a threat my whole childhood if you don't work you're going to go to the thought Park we live just down the road on sell balloons and now it was like I'm at at Dartmouth and M was like you could be at VP sat at a desk just scrolling through data and I was like yeah this and now that's why I say that that experience is Super Value that I had a BP because it really makes me appreciate yeah what what I do now um so you're in your training yeah you're enjoying your training at what point do you fin your training and where did you go when you've done that okay so you're talking about Flight Training yeah the Flight Training cuz your your your career sort of like all over the place it all over the place I want to talk about the Commando stuff for sure cuz I I love that but you know what I mean I want to know how you got to there get there yeah yeah so I finished dmouth in December 2019 um and it's taken me five years to get to where I am and I still not finished flying training still in flying training so this is where I think my where are you now where are you based where do you work out of um yovel okay yon yon kind of like weirdly in between jobs at the minute but um can I ask what air frame I'm going onto F the Merlin okay to the helicopter Force I to go I had to go in the wild cat simulator down I stacked it l front all right once it's up in the sky easy like I mean trying to put it on the floor no chance not for me yeah know it is hard the Sim is hard I find that hard when I first start how' you land this thing repeatedly St yeah it's good fun it's good fun um so it took me five it's taken me five years there's it should take three um but there's massive holds so between each flying course flying courses are TR service you do grading at yon yeah to check that you have the aptitude to fly it's it's about 12-hour course it's changed a little bit now but for me it was 12-hour course just to check that you can fly you have the attitude the aptitude to to fly yeah after that course you go out into it's called a hold and you go into the Navy and you're put somewhere or you choose to go somewhere where you think you can have output then I'll go back more into what my holds have been that's been the majority of my career really then you go into your next flying course which Elementary flying training at cronwell and that was about 10 months on the gr prefect great fun 30 hours in a little turbo Turbo prop fix wi aircraft go solo and that that was brilliant um come at the end of that I go into another twoyear hold waiting for my next flying course which was rotaries rotary training at shawbury RF shawbury um so after EFT you get streamed Jets or rotary um I wanted rotary just because for me I want to be 50 feet hands- on I don't want to be 35,000 feet anymore like I think back in the day with the Harrier uh it would have been really exciting but now with the f35s it's you're just so high far remov yeah I've met you know I met I met someone years ago was doing fast Jets yeah and moved moved back to a crew job on a on a C130 because he's just I'm on my own all the time yeah do you know what I mean I've sat up in our broth I've got nothing do you know what I mean I'm on stood too I want to page you for half me life yeah I know and and nowadays you're managing a computer um and that's not yeah it's so intelligent that the F35 um that it's it's so so computer based so I I want to go I want to go rotary so I go to RF strawbery I've just spent the last 18 months there um doing basic and then Advanced rotary training and then um six weeks RF rally doing a search and rescue course it was amazing really good fun and now I'm waiting for my next flying course and the next small hold fortunately for a few months um and I start on the Merlin and the commander helicopter force in in January so looking back to the first hole I did um 20 is lockdown actually so what was that 2021 something like that yeah there yeah I know um 2021 I worked on 815 squadron at yton yeah and the wild cat Squadron um but as a whole over there you're kind of just doing odd jobs um you're you can do a lot of backseat flights which is really really cool really exciting at that early stage and I was like I want to go wild cat back then because I held that scon and it was it quite exciting um but then lockdown hit and the the EXO of the scon said what are you going to do for the next year and I was like I'm holding with you and he was like no no no you're going to go home and you're probably not going to come into the Squadron for quite a few months and I was like oh right this is right obviously right the start of Co when no one knew what was going on yeah yeah yeah yeah so I kind of went back to my cabin and um it's essential only W it so if you're in a olding job you're not a cenal are yeah exactly exactly um and I was like you know what I'm going to get on to my next goal so I've got this thing right this is been my career so all over the place cuz I set myself once a year goals and 2020 was at darkmouth that's why I'm 10 miles down the river Dart 2021 in lockdown I was like you know what I really like to compete for Great Britain and I'm going to do it in triatlon and the gyms closed I stopped my CrossFit and I just went full-time PR much Elite athlete Tron because I wasn't being employed at work because of lockdown and I had all this free time two hours of exercise a day wasn't really a thing in Somerset um there was nobody on the roads I just cycled and I ran um and I swam occasionally in a river um and then the end of 2021 I went to ended up going to European championships of Great Britain in the age group traton team so basically my first H was full of just sport um fulltime for atlon because of lockdown um and then I went out I went out of that um and it was great because going back into that hold there were few orphans on Camp so I wasn't allowed to go home mom and dad were really like sh shielding mom's quite asthmatic yeah um I wasn't allow to go home at all they were really really strict on the rules were the rules and I was like fine I'm going to live on Camp with my Camp orphans and we just there were like four of us who cycled every day I mean we were cycling 100K a day I was running a minimum of 10 miles a day uh like my mileage was ridiculous I lost loads of weight I was eating so much but I was doing so much F burn up the calories so and it was super nice weather like the whole summer and we get in from a cycle that a run and then some be like you play tennis and you play tennis until it gets dark and it was just such a good it was such a good life I was so I was really fortunate some people went through obviously really tough times in I was really really fortunate that um I had the opportunity so then I go to Cranwell um I go on to my um Elementary Flight Training there come out of the other side of that was really good fun um 40 hours in a go prefect wizzing around solo navigation um just teaching all about airmanship and flying a a fix Wing that that cruises at I think it's was 120 knots so come out of uh EFT and go into my next hold and I went to pool um and worked with Marines there in the um kind of Kit specialist Wing bringing in new kit and equipment for them big credit card hopefully yeah yeah um and I really enjoyed that I really it was an IR opening a cool place as well so there's some cool people down there so yeah really people um really Inspire really inspirational people a lot of people you had on podcasts um like they the people who inspire me and a lot of them will never be afford of this platform like I've got here to share their story but have been such a big inspiration to me and like by by observing by observing some of those people I come across down down at pool and other boot necks and other people have come across the military I've been able to apply some of those like basic observations to my own efforts which resulted in all arms um so whilst I was at pool I said to them I said can I go I've got another year with you at least until I go start at shawbury can I go and do all arms and my boss there said yeah yeah sure let's ring your line manager my like flight F flight line manager and check with her and her Fe her kind of comeback was you can do it but remember why you join the Navy you join the Navy to fly you're you're neighbor officer like getting worried now AR they a little bit people have tried to stop me a lot along the way and I'm very much like I Liv in my best life yeah yeah absolutely lead me to like my own my own part yeah um and I I appreciate your concerns but this is my 2022 goal yeah the swim the GB and then all arms Comm yeah so I spoke to her and she said go and do it and this was in like the back end of 2021 we went skiing at Christmas and I was still kind of dly ding over and I was like I don't know if I want to do this I it had been back in my mind since joining the Navy I I I saw some boot necks of dmouth and basic training and I was like you're really cool and I had like at the time I was always really nervous around people with green Lids I like that's that's super hard course and it was really I didn't know much about it I was like so much respect for for still do have so much respect for bootnecks and everything that they do after um after Limon it's not just about absolutely that's that's the means to that's the that's the entry isn't it the entry level you know what I mean yeah so I had in my mind and at Dartmouth we did this like two day exercise on Dore and I creamed in hard a bit like OTC I was like I hate this I hate being cold wet and miserable my admin was so bad like wet and dry I was like and there is a fair amount of soldiering to be done on the I done the Comm course myself but there is a fair amount of soldiering to be done on that course yeah and I mean I came from the Infantry to do it so the soldiering side of it wasn't so much of a deal but yeah yourself coming from the sort of like flying world and probably not as used to to being face down in the dirt world yeah must have been a bit of a yeah yeah yeah exactly exactly well I'd always I'd always been outdoorsy dad has always taken us on skiing trips winter activities holidays and summer we used to run after school as a family um my my brother my me and my dad all the sports I done so I was really into being outdoors but the uncomfortable of being in the field I didn't I didn't like it uh dmouth also I didn't know how to look after myself so I think that made it really miserable I didn't know how to do wet and dry I didn't know how to pack my Burgen properly um so it was actually really miserable I didn't know the basic skills I thought n I'm not doing all arms that sounds ridiculous after two days in the field I almost cramed in and then the idea came out again and I was like you know what I might do it and then again something else popped up and I was like no that's that's that sounds too miserable and then I went to pool and I started um dating somebody there and he just said what's the worst that can happen you show up to the start line this takes courage to show up to the start line as as You' be the only serving female from the Navy to do that at present there's only been a small Handful in history turn up the worst thing happen is yeah you break your leg and you don't fly anymore but I kind of trusted my body enough to that wasn't that wasn't really ever a doubt of my my mind that I would get serious here and doesn't touch would unfortunately I didn't um and I and Christmas came around 2021 we skiing and I just thought I'm going to do it so I'd asked everybody to do it and I hadn't committed yet cuz I knew we were going skiing for quite a while and we got back in January just said I'm going to do it I'm going to do it and I was meant to be going away with the snowboarding team for another like four or five weeks and I said I'm really sorry but I need to go home and train so I gave myself 10 weeks to train which it looking back he needed a lot he needed a lot longer than that but I think with the history of CrossFit had a strength from that the upper body strength from that yeah then I'd done a year of trelon so super fit from that then I just topped up 10 weeks of massive overtraining to just be like get your resilience up work really hard in the gym my partner took me out in brdw worthy Woods in January on a weekend together going right where's your jungle nuts in in your bivvy and I was like what's a jungle nut and he was like oh my God right okay this is how you put up a bivy it was real it was real get rid of that yeah this on yeah it was real a real nauy really basic stuff i' never been in the field on done green stuff yeah so um he kind of spoke me through the real basics of of that and then I started the course in May May 2022 odds for the beat up course so a little bit of background of what alums is for those those listening it's a 16we arduous infantry course and it's used to train members of the Navy the Army and the RAF to become what's known as trained where we have kind of the skills the fitness and the I guess the robustness to support the fighting units the war Marines on the ground like not Ro Marines were they're in the supporting yeah that's right supporting kind of Realm um and it because it's a four-week beta course at 2924 CLR 2924 the Army regiments and they they um assume prior green skills CLR assume you're in the Navy and you don't know anything so I went to CLR and it was was really good really good beat up a lot of Fizz a lot of this is how you pack your Burgen this is how you put up a bivy I was like this is what I need take it back to scratch so I can learn everything properly yeah the basics the basic this is how you build your webbing real really basic stuff um I just find it super ifs every day speed mares all the time and I was like this is hard like the Fizz was really hard bottom field was really hard fireman's carries Hazard drags all of that um getting wet in the the dunking Us in the tank every day it was summer um just to build that just all of those little things just help build that resilience that was required to get on to through the course so after the end of the 4we beat up we do a pcpa pre Commander physical assessment which is a full day of tests blip tests pull-ups press UPS bottom field CL carries uh if you pass so I think about 200 or so went onto pcpa I think um and then 40 started the course okay how many females just me just you just me so there were on the beat up I think there were four of us a girl that's on my beat up um was injured with with shin splint and then two other girls were on 24 and 29 one of them couldn't make it to top of the Rope so it wasn't put on pcpa and the other one got injured and there's there's always girls that I hear start beat up and they're like we're going to have four goals this year and I was like let me know if they make it on course and that's when it I I start to think right if I I I I if the girl's on course I do try and message her on Instagram and say if you need anything please ping me a message because I had support from Jen who went through a few years before me and I R Jen when I failed a test on all arms said Jen I'm really struggling can you help me with my mindset or can you help me with what you did at this point and that was so amazing to have Jen so I do try and message the girls if they get on course yeah yeah super rare that they there I think there's been like one or two since I've passed in 2020 there was one not so long back I was down there last year I think there was one yeah there was one she was struggling with the monkey bars actually on the on the bottom field okay yeah there there's always something that catches that same with everybody male or female um so uh 240 s of the course and then it's a 12 week the all ARS itself is 12 weeks it's one week on Camp learning kind of skills for the field um the theory behind like te attacks troop attacks and loads of Fitness loads of bottom field yeah as you as you know and then one week on in the field so one week on Camp one week in field uh putting the skills into more realistic environment common that first week is it the first is the first one would common yeah first one Comm yeah nav just running around would Comm legging it between checkpoints um and 92 I did mind sorry 92 okay yeah yeah I think we had a whole L of nods on that excise with us and definitely on dartmore I met one of them at a trig point he was like Mom do you know where we are and I was like no mate but I'm going I'm going this way I've got I've got I've got 30 more minutes in this direction yeah I'm really S I can't help you um and uh so yeah one week on count one week in the field uh on repeat six times and then the course culminates in eight days on D Moore and then the four Comm tests so the 9 M Speed March endurance course ton course and then the 30 miler and the 30 m once you pass all of that you and your your green green lid and become a war Navy Army or RF Commander yeah um so that's kind of the outline of of the course itself and you enjoyed it best thing I've ever done best thing I've ever done um hard what did you find the hardest thing I was going to say what did you find the hardest on there it's the hardest thing in my life I've ever done and I think that's why it's the best thing um the hardest thing for me was the psychological side of it and the selfin juice pressure that I put on myself I think I wanted to past more than anything like anything at all from January then I started training I was like I'm going to do this this is my 2022 goal I really want to be a Comm helicopter um I really don't want to go Pinger so there's there's um you can be a pinger down a cool there's no disrespect to them it's Maritime flying over the sea hunting for submarines personally I wanted to be command helicopter force it was much more my character and I was like if I pass this course it should hopefully secure me that there no guarantee but I was like hopefully they won't put the only serving Commando as a pinger um so that means you can have troops in the back you can deploy with them so I mean that yeah p I can work directly yeah the jokes yeah and if I passed the course I was like right that's going to secure me the job that I really want for the rest of my career that was a mass driving force massive driving force also was this challenge this personal reward this this hardship that I was about to put myself through um and the hardest thing I found was that self-induced pressure like I I I dreamt about it I I put on as much weight as I could for it I spoke about to everybody like my life revolved around around leading up to it and every day during the course like this is the only thing in my life that matters right now um and that is what it took for me to pass like 100% commitment and like dedication to it and that came with a drowning amount of self-induced pressure at certain points in the course for example I found I did find yumping really really hard I think because we're physically built different but expected to carry the same amount of weight and perform to same amount stand same standards as men it does require I think a little bit more resilience at times a little bit you need to dig a little bit deeper and I think where perhaps lacked in physical strength I've gained in like mental strength and mental robustness and that was more powerful at times when it got really hard I was like I can do this like this is where my mind's going to get me through this my body is hanging ping you know that more than more than more than anybody yeah um so one of the hardest parts on course for me I I remember yuming one at C bridge going this is the hardest thing I have ever done and I remember saying it to myself going I don't want to forget this moment cuz I want to be proud that I've got through this and that was just like one one snapshot I remember it so well the hill we were going up um and the guys are walking past and stride out fish and I was like I can't stride out you can't kind of stride out as as a female cuz so many hip injuries so many back injuries I would kind of shuffled my way along tiny little steps all the time but the I failed B of pass out which for me was a massive like oh my God what did you find on the ropes oh okay so it was it was it was mindset for me that day um and as I knew I could climb the ropes I had passed them a couple of a couple of times which is what made it more stressful that I've only passed his ropes a couple of times before you could build that pressure on yourself H it came 100% you know you've done it but that thing that says you also know that you haven't done it it's like a count I call it the counterbalance you know what I mean because if you know you could fail it you could fail it you know you should pass it so you could pass it but you're in the middle aren't you do you know what I mean yeah yeah yeah absolutely Hing yeah the day I I just stood at the bottom of the ROP so I looked up and there were so many people come to watch all the officers from the feed units have come to see how their students would get on and I and I just felt with the Ponyta on my back on my on my head I felt like I was watched in the end of the day no one actually cared and look looking back no one cared if pasted or not but I felt at that time I was like everyone here today will notice me I'm going to contradict that slightly because having been down and watched a couple of courses there's been women on some of the courses I've looked at I take an interest outside because it's it's it's different yeah do you know what I mean so like I wonder how she's doing so I would be looking yeah I'm going to be honest I would be looking not to don't want to put other girls off to say look we're all staring at you because we're not you know what I mean but there is an interest there for sure you know what I mean yeah and I had I had text from random people in the military down at pool who I wasn't really particular friends with halfway through going how are you getting on so I knew people were following my progress um so I stood at the bottom of those ropes that day and I was so aware of everyone watching I just had this overwhelming sense of dread and pressure that I wasn't going to make it I looked up I said I don't I don't know today I don't know and like the PTI was like to the top climb as they always did every session I wiped my hands on my legs and I grabbed the rope and I work my way to the top and as always I like massively slowed towards the top like really really slow the PTR is like fish you're always too slow you never make these ropes cuz you're too slow I was like I'm not trying to go slowly and I'm not trying to be S up this right I want to get to the top and down as quickly as I can just a foot from the top and I lifted my knees for the last shift and my hands just slipped lift my knees again and my hands slipped and like the ptr's like come down Fisher and I descended this rope my hands my my forms completely burnt out so quickly I hit the buttom he was like get back to block and I just thought oh my God guys absolutely this meant everything to me I know it's like I know it is such a small thing to other people and I haven't been Employments I haven't saved lives I haven't done anything like that but for me and this that point in my career because it was something I wanted so much I was really really gutted so we went on to bort and burrow for 5 days um on our exercise there this is an absolute lick and then we came back on Friday they're like you got to the botton field again now yeah I got to the botton field I had maybe I don't know you know know how much sleep you get in the field in the summer on the summer as well with not much Darkness few hours sleep at night if at tops and then um I um had a rerun on Friday and then it was just me I sat remember the hour PRI telling myself like you can you can you can I spent the whole week in the field like visualizing way going to get to top like really dark Thoughts with like a gun to my my partner's head if it wasn't going to make it to the top that was one way like I was like how maybe if I treat it that way that will convince me to get to the top and then maybe if I just think about the technique whereby I had like hands knees Push Pull hands knees push pull all techniques like I'm going to make it yeah went the bottom of the ropes looked up and I thought you're going to do this you are there's no doubt you like and that's and that's what it took that mindset of that like you are going to do it and that's the only way I got to the top and I just went my made to the top same again I was like super slow and I was like I'm slowing down I'm slowing down I'm half a foot from the top and I lifted my knees I grip the Rope between my legs as you know I got like proper lock and I was like I got this pushed out reach a shackle I was like fish and stop and it's just so much relief so much Rel I sended down and then did Boton field the fan carrying a regain fins I knew I could do all these things and carried on with the rest of course um so I found that whole process of that week really it was so close to being taken away um something I wanted so so so badly but to come back from that shows for me shows a mental mindset that's that's insane do you know what I mean that's like I think it's something we all share cuz a lot of people and I've seen a lot of people rap these sorts of courses they do rap they just they just wrap their tits in that's it done you know what I mean yeah and the fact that you managed to go out for another five days come back and then sort like on your own almost you know what I mean other than the Carries On Your Own go right I got to do this now you know what I mean and get amongst it yeah yeah I think I think shows incredible incredible mindset I think that's what we learn on that course and we all share that that mindset I think um which is something that I really have liked earning my greenberry that's what the core wants and that's why you get a green lid yeah that's why they don't just try come over the counter to anybody yeah you know what I mean because that mindset isn't just the mindset of how you get yourself around that field it's how you conduct yourself on operations yeah and that's what they looking for yeah you know what I mean the fact that you're going to be able to keep going and you're not going to be a drain on everybody else and that you can make that bar and Beyond cuz you're going to go further Beyond you know any any any lid you get on your head once you get to your unit you're going to go surpass that many times yeah absolutely and there there's a point in the in the field when the DS rarely spoke to us as as you know hardly interact with you and one of them walk past me on exercise we just stepping off I think full Burg and everything and they walk past it's the only time they spoke to me and he said Fisher we've never seen anybody with as much determination and mental resilience as you keep going and I was like oh my God and this was like week eight and I was really suffering like I got four weeks left I know and that's that point the course got really hard for me because I lost the day-to-day wins at the start of the course I was like I'm still here can you believe it like end of the day I was like my my partner's like I'm still on course like I can't believe I've made it and then week eight comes around I'm like I really want to get to the end now I really want to get to the end and then he walked past me and said that and I was like I really needed that I can I can do this and then s a mountain in front of me you still got your commando test to do still got my Comm test I know still got the sunny Bridge still got the final X to do all the unknowns of everything to come um but that was really nice that he that he said that and I'm glad that they recognized that and I think that's a a big thing that got me through that course was just that perseverance and that determination I really want this yeah absolutely um yeah very proud moment where did you get you where did you did you receive it in the D in Plymouth right okay um so we we started o Hampton now and we run down um cuz they've gone back to the original Woods haven't they to give for the for the berry praise now haven't they o I don't know so not so I've got mine in the field I don't even know where it was it was end of the 30 mile was in a field it was it Princetown was over the bridge yeah yeah we don't do that anymore so they went back to now I think now they do it what's the unit in the Old Woods is it 42 around the backa somewhere near 42 I don't know there's a Woods anyway Commandos we screaming at me now you you know mean same with me I'm go to L sorry anyway yeah yeah yeah there's a nice picture of it in the mess there yeah mean anyway yeah so I ran R proud moment no even even you can't remember where it was yeah um we ran in we ran on to the camp and it was it was a really really proud moment just a massive weight of my shoulders my partner was there waiting for me just L on the corner of a building and I W and I and I ran in and we weren't meant to have any family there at all and um I knew that I next achieve instructor and I looked at my partner I looked at my the aeve instructor and he was like really and cuz our partner is um serving yeah um he was allowed he was allowed in and I said can I go and see him please Stu and he's like come on take your shirt change your shirt so you don't like a honking mess and then then run over to I run over to him I give a massive hug and I just thought it's over yeah that like the pressure that I put on myself like this massive weight of my shoulders had been lifted and I was like hopefully now I can be a CHF pilot I've I've achieved this goal that I've set myself and I've gone through so much hardship and personal hardship that I that i' experienc ever experienced and that reward for that is I don't think I'd ever experienced again and I don't think it's something you experienced in civy Street um because in civy street it's all under your control I think all the Tron I've done everything I've done in the Alps and stuff you can like you can sleep you can plan your route you can eat for appro rely it's all it's all kind of with within your control yeah this is you're going to get half an hour sleep and you're bringing again some 14 hours and you're like God you're going to carry this much be oh by the way by the way you're going to sleep in a ditch know you're not going to bed you got shell scrape your GH caring the 355 radio and that's GMG and like you know it's sure you can manage there you go yeah yeah uh that was a really tough that was a really tough day we um on we on sleep deoration on on exercise on Sunny bridge and the we were regrouping to set off again for a day of yumping and the we were reassigned our roles and I was just like get my Burg together as always ready to step off with like my own kit and the chief sh do was like Fisher your trop signaler and at the time didn't really register and the previous signal came over and put the 355 ra at my be at my feet yeah yeah yeah yeah and all back and I looked at it and was like are you for real like I could hardly carry my own kit let alone that I said to my tro I was like am my section I said guys I don't think I could do this like that's ridiculous and they said well you have to it's your turn and I really respected that about that course because there was no your where the greenber you perform of standards and there was there was just like I was like God I got to do this and I I puled my Burg onto my back and I I torn my i t my bicep the week before on the tarine course I remember going like wincing at that every time I picked it up I slang my weapon over my shoulder and I stepped off with my section and I just remember walking into the distance and then we just patrolling so you got 10 10 the man in head's about 10 meters man behind 10 m and I just cried silently to myself and was just like that overwhelming sense of pressure that I told you about that I was like drowning me at times like this and then it got to that point where the pain in your shoulders doesn't get any worse and you're just like okay this is just how it's going to be the pace slowed down to like slow Patrol pace and I was like actually you can do this and you will do this just make it to the next Rock make it to the next tree make it got to take a step at a time you can't you can't be thinking right I must still able to keep going tomorrow because tomorrow's not here yet yeah exactly just make it to the it was literally make to the next Rock when it Mak the next Rock okay I've won next Rock I did that all the way to the harbor area and the Chie shter came up to me in the harbor area and said I'm so glad you did that that and you had to do that because now you've got the respect of the troop because up until now I hadn't carried the gpmg or the radio um or like any of yeah people are going to be looking in on stuff as anybody not just a female you know if you see a guy who's not pulling his weight or not being given the kit soon you know what I mean maybe you'd have an officer there or something you'd be like hang on AE how come the rup ain't had that yet you know what I mean you would be yeah and looking back as kind of with an outside of view a bit more mature I wish I kind of said you want me to carry the radio earlier on but I didn't know my body's ability at that time and I I was still learning that mental resilience and I kind of should have stepped up as an officer and said look I'll take that for this this section but it was given to me and I was like oh holy and then I and I did it and it's fine and we moved on but that I learned a lot from that from that experience no it's a great it's a great great experience and like I say you've come through it on the other side what what that brings with it now yeah you know is phenomenal yeah so you done that right so right now you are still hoping to become a Commando pilot yes what what's your next moves what have you got going on so I start on 846 in um January which is thef it's away from here yeah what you doing in between times come on you must got I that you're not climbing the mountain or something yeah making your life more difficult than is already so I do a lot adventur training yeah um I've been really really lucky I finished Valley in August and I haven't done any Adventures training in the whole of my six or five and a half years so far um and a lot of people you meant you meant to be entitled to 5 days a year okay no one ever actually gets that cuz you was working your you're away and I got to end Valley and said right I've got until until I had I've got I've had a few quite a few career courses so I've had like five weeks of career courses so I had a tiny hold career courses tiny hold Christmas so I said in these little holes can I just smash at and my Live manager was like I guess so CU you you can't really have a an output in in an actual job cuz you're only going to be there for two weeks worth it yeah um and I've just been not climbing Tru of course man lead of course up in Scotland or all in the Lakes nice uh yeah um I took a week's leave um I'm now on this two week weird two we section where they've said go out and make yourself useful um I'm at yo in the learning Development Center and I said can I go schools CCF units otc's University uh ER news University Ral Naval units uh rnrs War Navy Reserves and give talks um because it I find it really rewarding and I think the younger generation need to see a female in this role to believe that they can as well yeah absolutely I I say this so many times I do quite a bit of you stuff myself and I always said you can't be what you can't see yeah you know what I mean so if you don't see it you can't be that's simple as bust you I mean and role models are few and far between in school I would say nowadays especially just like your state schools because teachers are teachers and they stick to the curriculum and that's what they have to teach but outside of that they don't get nothing yeah they don't get nothing at all yeah so their options are limited because they they they don't they don't know it's out there yeah absolutely and I think females in particular need to see females succeed in order to believe that they can as well yeah of course they do I think a lot of a lot of I said that on the on the social media once to somebody some guy who was trolling me and he was like why do why do girls need to see girls succeed I was like because as Mandy Hixon said 66% of the population male or female don't don't believe they can do a job unless they see it just just like you've just said yeah and females in particular I did the alarms course because Jen had done it before me and the trail blazes before me did that and I was like well if they can do it I can do it and I saw a few boot necks who were who and it is opening up that world as well you know I've Just Seen A young girl go through um go through PE company yeah you know she she's she's passed she's got she's got her lid there she'll have her wings hopefully soon she can get her jumps in and all that sort of stuff you know I mean it is opening up yeah yeah massive deals made of the SF World being being opened up for rightly so past the course in you go you know what I mean I never have a problem with that do you know what I mean somebody old and bold go not in my day not so what it's not your day anymore do you know what I mean let get on with it yeah regardless regardless of gender regardless of whatever prove you can do the job job you got one absolutely simple ab and that's a message I said in the school yesterday I said if you can prove you can do the job you can do whatever job you want it doesn't matter of your agenda so I've got these next two weeks go around schools and I'm I'm loving it um it's it's so great and a little girl said to me yesterday she's like so why are there no females in your job and I was like I think it's because people I don't go don't go around like this enough yeah and show you that you can do it it's so positive as well I always I always learn just as much as I'm teaching when I work with kids it's just so you know it really is the enthusias that some of them bring the the way that they sit there npct I've been working with them the military preparation training College young lad's writing everything down I'm saying yeah what are you doing must remember it all what are you doing wow but it has a massive I'm so glad you're doing that it has a massive impact on their lives it really does really really I'm really I've got I think like 16 schools the next two weeks and the ones I've done the last two days have been so rewarding and the kid just sit there like you say just glued to you yeah and I'm like you can do this like you take a few props to take your lid and all that sort of stuff well I wear my I wear my uniforms I'm I'm doing a Navy time so not the cookout it is today yeah yeah exactly time is it big time you could get one too you know yeah yeah I went to um the Waring warming Cadets yesterday um yeah they're brilliant they were brilliant there a lot of girls there a lot of girls in there and I was like yes there's a lot of interest there in the Army Cadets have a lot of lot of females yeah amazing interest I said to all of them I was like don't don't forget your role models to the rest of the school like girls be looking at you and think they can join the the cadets and you're looking at me thinking I can join the Navy or the Army like that's how it works that you guys from here come into my place and Inspire the ones after you like like Jen inspired me ABS you know yourself now from serving there's so many people within the services have been through that environment before they got there yeah loads and loads and so many of the guests I've had on here Billy biling and you so many people I've had on this show have been in the cadets yeah in some capacity Melvin Downs boom all those sorts of people like that's a spark isn't it too yeah of course it is it's outside of school so I find people that do activities outside of the school curricular tend to go further not because of any other reason the fact that they've got the stick ability to do something voluntarily yeah you have to go to school yeah so like at lump pit you have to go to school you don't have to go to Cadet if you don't like it Go phone so you know for a start you've got someone who can actually stick something out because they want to be there yeah and take a bit of hardship on way football rugby dancing tap dancing swimming whatever the activity is if you can stick at it and apply yourself outside of school when you don't have to be there yeah that's a massive qualification on its own for me yeah I agree and then you start lumping in things like the DV and all that sort of stuff you're all over it isn't it yeah yeah absolutely absolutely and it's it's yeah so rewarding to to be doing that so I've got that the next two weeks um he skiing for six weeks let's talk longer term then longer term longer term you've obviously got some training to do in April which hopefully be successful with yeah right y um so longer term I have a six years return of service after that um I don't know I would probably look at this point in my career to I think there's more to to life I think for me than the military and I'd like to go out and go into TV and media move to the apps set up a Outdoor advention Company would be a great thing to do um like mountaineering ski touring kind of thing ice cling um keep doing the talks I don't know there's there's you're phenomenally fit right did you ever find out what the deal was with your lungs while the capacity wasn't working on the initial test so I think it was because of hey fever season so really okay so yeah yeah so it's been bugging me because I'm thinking you must have a capacity you must you you must are a lung you L the head and hair a lung so yeah I think it was ha with season um and I get it but I didn't think it affected me that bad I used get Ry nose um in the season and I it obviously musk St my lungs so I tried to do this lowy test and it was I never noticed it I've trained all through season I always like I'm fine but that's the only thing put it down to because my Medicals since lockdown have been pushed to Winter because they weren't doing Medicals okay in the he of season well and then now doing the winter like no drama things are working okay of what you're achieving in your life yeah exactly so and and all arms was all in h this season so I was I was fine there as well but yeah I think this test particular was just so sensitive I don't know but that's the only thing I put down to because now I'm fine with it and it's in winter so so you own eventually you got you've obviously got to return your service you've got to do this that and the other you've got some goals you've got to you've got to achieve yeah on the out media wise what would you like to do media wise I this is I'll get a lot stick for this um come on um I don't know there's no females in the Jason Fox world is there no there's no you're right there's a couple um Victoria pedon is doing doing quite a lot for for females in that World um there's a few adventurers um like Bear Grills kind of I love the outdoors I love the all ARS kind of things and I would like if the if jity came to to go into that world and I'm trying to be careful how I how I kind of pitch this um cuz I'm not kind of thinking I want to leave the military if I get six years time want to stay I'll stay and absolutely yeah like maybe like to go to May m operations team and do some Commando stuff with that there so many options that if I get to six years and think this is awesome I'm you're a fantastic advert for the Army you know what I mean almost to the point that if you don't go on and have a career outside where you're visible to the community it's wasted in a way not wasted but yeah yeah it deserves to it could be there and it could be great do you know what I mean and it goes back to this inspiration thing for me yeah that you actually maybe your fulfillment in all this is what you bring in in in completing other people's Journey or getting them on the way to I find that really rewarding these talks are so rewarding I think the media thing yeah for me might be maybe I'm seeing that as that thing as I can reach a bigger audience it's a way to do that and I realize I know I I got backed into media by by by circumstance I never wanted to be here but now I've realized that it is incredibly influentials I'll give you an example so I I was on a passing out parade bear was leading the front Rank and I'm inspecting the last Rank and a young l i see wants to talk to me and he says Phil he says Phil he says I got to thank you what for son he says uh he says uh he said four years ago he said my dad sent you a message on Instagram and asked you to do a video message to me because I was underachieving at school and I did I remember doing the message I was like come on son do sort yourself out by the way thought were forces and he said look he I'm I'm passed out Redberry on his head wow you know going to the parachute Reg I was like I started welling up I'm like geez and that is worth more than any paycheck I could ever be given by anybody and I care what anyone says you I mean and that is where you are you you are such an inspiration to people you could actually be you know the light in people's tunnel that they're actually striving to find now and don't even realize it yet thank you thank you that's that's that's really kind I get the school yesterday when the teacher said she said that talk you gave to the kids will be a pivotal moment in their in their lives yeah and to be that I was like you don't realize how powerful it is I've started to realize how powerful it is yeah you know what I mean and it's not something I banned about so much you know I certainly don't talk about it on my social media yeah but when you get the messages and you all start to get the messages from young people and I get loads of messages from young people going watch this video and that's why I've changed my mind about this and S and you're like yeah yeah it's incredible yeah I get I get a lot of the my daughter my daughter loves you my daughter's hero and I just think oh this is so this is why I do it yeah and then equally get the trolls unfortunately that you all get always get the haters yeah yeah and they and annoyingly they shout louder they do shout a lot louder than those positive messes but I do sit back sometimes and think I don't like everyone so why should I try and get everyone to like me all your followers are not fans no that's that's for sure I'm living in your head rent free do I'm living in your head I don't even know I don't even care yeah that's that's a good one just going I've got skin it's that thick it's like a way at like you know what I mean I'm like I don't care anyone you know what I mean yeah that's that's the best way yeah yeah so the inspirational piece I think moving into media and TV I think would be really rewarding and I'd really enjoy that if that doesn't work out the Alps is second home we've got van go down there all the time F out there for weekends quite regularly yeah beautiful where where about you go we go to Sham a lot sham we know the mountains really really well um we're driving to the dolomites this Christmas for for the first time out there got brand new brand new van which which was good but what kind of van you got I've got got s r and part's got a Mercedes Sprinter his is really Posh so take I've got a Transit custom which is done in the back really nicely done in the back you know I mean but I love it that's my payoff that's my yeah I can go anywhere at the weekend or you know what I mean further a field when I want to we drove our Transit custom we had last year to to Norway I drove it to novices last year for with the more Marines and it broke down the way and it was pretty terrible minus 36 they didn't like it but a for sand for found on roadsides and yeah yeah I broke down so many times one year the AA actually followed me on Twitter just in case pre positioning yeah H so um yeah the Alps is Alps second home I'd really like to move there and the I kind of always forget to say this if the B and rescue pilot out there would be would be insane I think if if I want to move out there and Adventure Outdoor Adventure doesn't work out or they're always screaming out for Pilots over there even for these people who are using Wings suits Pilots out there there's always there's always hours can be picked up if you got the right ticks in the Box for sure absolutely I think we've looked at I've been into the shaman um searching rescue face but how do I become a helicopter pilot for you and they said you need to be fench citizen Bears out there every year jumping you know I mean that would bees it insane I messaged um Nims die last year just like he get back to yeah he did replied and he was like you know I always need a helicopter pilot for jumping and stuff so when when you leave hit me up and and we we could always hire you but I don't know if that's kind of something I want I want to have I'm not no no he follows you don't he does follow you he does follow me I did message him couple years ago oh thank you um I don't know I think the reward of search and rescue in in the Alps would be insane like you could I could do cool I could if I could potentially do really cool stuff for jumping and Adventure but search and rescue with somebody in trouble in the Alps really skillful flying you've got yeah got the wind you got the turbulence you got the snow proper alley flying so that's um if that would be really amazing if I try and get my foot in the door I'd have to learn fluent French there a lot of um Hoops to jump through i' have to get through the being a British Citizen and all of that but um that would be if I want to if I really want to continue helicopter flying after these six years you have got so much to do in your life you haven't got enough time to be talking a big fil have you what I mean that's ridiculous there's a lot I want to do and there's a lot I've done I'm super fortunate and and I put it all down to my my parents to giv me the the upbringing and such a a plethora of skills and sports I sound like wonderful people they really do I I love the hardworking element I love the fact your old man's gone tell you what I'm doing that do you know what I mean fruit and veg yeah bit that yeah yeah yeah very much yeah yeah yeah super fortunate super fortunate up Bri and then they've just put me on a path to to to carve my way listen you are carving your way out you're doing tremendous stuff I've loved having you on it's been really good fun I hope you'll become a friend friend and a friend of our family in the show all right I'd love to see you again and know what you're doing and keep up the speed we can do anything for you we really will and just keep doing what you're doing because you're a marvelous person thank you thanks very much really really thanks for having me cheers take care all right