It's a robot. >> Hello. >> I have so many questions. I'm just there like >> I've learned you're not going to feel an emotional connection when you're dating for that tick box. >> I think one of the conversations that came up whilst you're on holiday was around type. >> When I watched myself back, it broke my heart because I thought, "Oh my god, Sa that affected you more than you realized." What is beautiful then? When you're in love, you overlook a lot. >> What was going through your head? Like what were you thinking? Welcome to It's Pretty Personal, a podcast all about sharing South Asian stories. Now, we love love on this podcast and one of the latest reality TV shows on Netflix is Love is Blind in the UK. Now, if you're unfamiliar with the show, then the whole idea is that 16 people go into these pods and they date sight unseen and they try and form an emotional connection with each other and they don't come out being boyfriend and girlfriend, they come out being fiances and the first time they see each other is as fiances. The show then follows them as they start living life in the real world where they start living together, planning their weddings and at the end we really do see if love is blind because we see them at the altar and whether or not they get married. And today I'm joined by Lover is bound UK season 2 star T S T S T S T S T S T S T S T S T S T S Roa. Hello. >> Hi. How are you feeling? Gosh, it's um a mix of emotions. There has been it's been a journey. It's been this was a year ago. >> Yeah. >> So, it's like I'm now reliving my whole relationship with the world. And but we've um we're here a year later now. So, this is it. So, we're recording this a day after the reunion episode has come out. So, how has the whole 24 hours been for you? Because now everyone knows what happens at the end of your relationship. >> The last 24 hours have honestly been surreal. So, I actually did a watch party and I thought, do you know what? This is the end of a chapter. It kind of marks the end of the chapter for me and Cal, but also the series in itself, but also the third part of it was it's a celebration. It's a celebration of the next part of my life. So, I had all my family and friends. We were all watching it together, but it was intense because it was a heavy heavy breakup. >> I guess also it being on screen and like people cuz people got really invested in your love story. >> I think it's because it was such a relatable love story. >> I don't think we've had a story like mine before. This means the world to me because I was just being me, >> which means you believed in my story. And I think this is why we've all gone through the highs of this relationship together, the lows of this relationship together, and that's why we're all feeling the breakup together. So, it feels like a bit of a mourning period today if I'm going to be honest. Don't know whether to be celebrate all the love of Paul or crying. >> It's going to be like a mix of emotions. I can imagine. But let's take it back to before the pods. >> Okay. >> How was dating for you? >> So, dating for me, even saying the word dating was such a taboo subject. I basically grew up knowing the expectations almost the unheard expectations as well. I knew who my family wanted me to marry ultimately. So forget boyfriend and girlfriend. There was no oh we would know what kind of boyfriend she we would want for her. That's that's not a thing. So I grew up very much if I'm going to have a boyfriend that's the person I marry. And I respected my family for that because that's all we grew up with. That's how they all were in their relationships. And I knew no different. I'm I'm doing life for the first time. So I basically started dating around what we would say the appropriate age. So you go through education. I did my A levels. You get to uni and then it's like okay you do uni and you come out. They're like so um so who you where's your boyfriend? >> And I'm like well what boyfriend? Because I was studying so much cuz you told me to focus on that cuz once you do all that then it just falls into place. So you're almost led to believe it's just going to marriage will just fall into place. the person's just going to turn up. And my friends would laugh at me at times and be like, "So, like if you're chilling on the sofa watching telly, he's not just going to knock up like knock on the door and be there." And I'm like, part of me kind of expected that's how it happens because I didn't know the process in between. I tried. I knew what was expected and I tried to date like that. I made sure it was background Indian. I was following my family. It was someone who was sick. I really tried um to the point I even went to the elements of cast. That's how yeah that's how much I was like I because I'm the eldest in my family. I wanted everyone to be proud of my relationship going forward because that's what was meant the most to me. It actually wasn't what I wanted or what meant the most to me I was going to put first. That came secondary. So I tried and I went through quite a few you know first dates here, second dates. So, we'll get to like maybe a couple of months here and there and I'll be like, "This isn't working." Cuz you're not going to I've learned you're not going to feel an emotional connection when you're dating for that tick box, >> for your for your family, for your relatives. And it got to that point where it was um last year, so 2025. Where we what year? >> 25 now. >> So, it's 2024. Okay. 2024. And I was 29 at the time. And I was like, "Oh my god, I'm 29. And I mean like what's going to happen? Um because we put that pressure on us about turning 30, which honestly is not a thing. I I cannot stand for the fact that life does not end at 30. If anything, it begins at 30 in so many different ways. So anyway, and then um I was seeing this guy and he basically ghosted me and I tried to drop a lot of barriers for him in terms of physically he wasn't actually my type at times. Um he wasn't at all. I was trying to see through personality. So, it's almost like I was trying to get in the head of what dating in the pods would be like without even knowing I'm going to be on it and I really went for the personality with him and I it didn't work out and that was that and I thought oh god like what am I going to do next and then when the opportunity came along with love is blind I thought this is perfect because I'm at a time of my life now where I do want to date with my heart I want to see who's actually meant for me cuz I don't know like I've at this point I've not fallen in love because I've dated the right person. I've not gone in with the right intentions then. I thought I was I thought, you know, putting your family first is the right intentions, but not when it comes to the heart. So, that's what led me on to onto Love is Blind. >> I think everything you're saying is so relatable and I think so relatable to so many girls out there. Like even listening to you like saying like I grew up with very much like these cultural expectations of like you have to date a seat guy or they have to be Punjabi or they have to be X Y and Zed. and really similar to you actually like I didn't date during uni because I was told like education, study, all of that. So then when I came out of uni and they're like okay so where's your boyfriend? I'm like what boyfriend? Because you told me no. And also I think >> I wasn't able to build those skills during uni and during that age to >> like actually date. Like if I was a guy I would be like yeah you're my friends and I would just friend zone them like really easy. But I wouldn't ever allow myself to like date date if that makes sense. Because I'm like, "Oh, I'm not supposed to. Oh, I'm not allowed." And then it really puts you in a box because you're not able to explore. You're not able to kind of figure out what it is that you want. >> How do you know what you want? >> Exactly. And I think like it was only after university when I actually did start dating, I'm like, "Oh, I like this." Or, "Oh, I don't like this or this works and this doesn't work." But I don't think we're ever really allowed the space. Whilst I think in South Asian culture there's such a big emphasis on marriage. Yes. For everybody. But it's almost like the two don't make sense because we're marriage is supposed to be like this really big thing that's been very hyped up for >> us especially girls at a very young age. But we're also not taught the tools or how to have a successful marriage or how to actually find the right partner. >> And what does marriage mean to everybody? That's a big thing because if I go back and start asking my grandparents what like even my nana gi if I said oh naji what did marriage mean to you and you married my ni we could probably say well well you know I got told we have to settle down um whereas for me now if somebody asked me what does marriage mean to me I'd be saying well marriage is you know you're falling in love it's that person you see spending the rest of your life with building memories traveling together and building a family and building you know anything together in life but together. Whereas I think if I ask my nani, oh, why did you marry Nana Gi? He she would be like >> because I probably got told to. >> And it's like that's not what we're here for. >> It's not we're not it's not a contract for anybody but our heart. >> And yeah, I think everyone defines marriage in a different way. Like it's like your best friend for life. Like it's genuinely your bestie. >> Yeah. I think one of the things that I've also learned is that your partner is my friend actually said this and I literally keep this like to my heart where it's like that is going to be the one family member you get to choose. >> Yes. >> And they are going to be with you some really tough times. >> Yeah. >> Your ups, your downs. >> Yeah. And I think like that's really important for someone to able to see like all of you. I almost want to say getting married is not to find a husband, it's a life partner. >> Yeah. That's what I would say it is now because back in the day, you know, women were basically told you are going to, you know, run the household. It's very much correct. They didn't go into education. They weren't even given the chance half the time. >> We were given the chance to get educated. So now it's like, so if you get married, it's not to be at home, to just do the housework or anything like that. It's to have your own life, have home life, have your marriage life. It's so much more in between. So I think it's more redefining marriage. I think that's what we need to do in our generations. We're telling everyone actually no this is what marriage is for us at this point in our lives. >> Yeah. And where was that switch for you? Because you said that you've also been dating with like that kind of family in the back of your mind, culture at the back of your mind. Was there like a specific moment where it was a switch where it was like no I don't want to have this tick box. don't want to think about culture, religion, all of that, and just start dating them for a personality. >> Do you know what it was? It was my um cousin's wedding. So, it it actually took my um my mom's sister's son. So, he's my first cousin, bit younger than me. It was his wedding because we grew all grew up together. That is now in my close family, the you know, that small circle. He was the first one I thought and he actually did an arranged marriage. >> Oh, >> yeah. And when I was at his wedding and of course I'm going to support my family, I was like, "Oh my god, this is is this what's going to happen to me now?" Because everybody was asking me, you know, "Oh, he's got married. What about you? Cuz I'm above age- wise hierarchy. >> You should have been first and now you're sat there having a bit of a, you know, a party and they're looking at you like, where's her husband?" So that for me, I thought, what am I going to do? So when I went on to the show, that was a pivotal life-changing moment for me. But not everybody will get the opportunity to be on something like love is blind. >> But it's what I learned from it is date openly. Let's have these conversations at home. What it is with our I think our generation above us and well actually two generations above us is because when conversations are so uncomfortable like love is uncomfortable, dating is uncomfortable, it almost is like we feel like we're doing something wrong. So if they made those conversations comfortable for us where we can openly respectfully talk things through then there's going to be a mutual respect because then they feel like when they're guiding us we actually will take it on board. We're gonna be like, "So, if you're telling me, let's say, um, oh, Soba, like maybe think a little bit about the family." And I'll be like, "Oh, why?" You're now you're going to have that mutual respect for each other instead of it being like, you know, you have to hide it, then they say their thing, and then if it doesn't work out, it's like, "Well, I told you so." >> That's the bit we need to get rid of the I told you so. Because you're almost creating that distance now in your household because of that. But what? Because of love. It doesn't add up to me. Everyone deserves love. Everybody does. Me going into this with an open heart and mind allowed me to fall in love for the first time. And that feeling when I look back to it, like it is emotional because it's like, wow, I want that moment again. And that moment to last the rest of my life because nothing matches it at all. It's such a happy place I never knew existed. And you don't get that from any other place. You can be so close to friends and family. Like there's unconditional love there, but unconditional love in a life partner, that's something else. >> How did you find out about the show? >> I applied. Yeah. So, it was a strange situation, but I was um on the phone to my friend and her ex had turned up to my gym and he had messaged me, which I didn't know he even had my number. He's like, "Hey, it was great to see you at the gym. I think you were there." And I was like, "Oh." So, I obviously messaged her being a girls girl. like, "Hey, just to let you know, like I think he's joined my gym just in case you're ever around so you're aware." So, obviously, she's gone into this whole like, "Oh my god, he's this, he's that." We're having that conversation. So, I literally put on loudspeak and I'm on my phone just scrolling through Instagram. And I'm like, "Yeah, yeah, no, I agree." Cuz I'm like, "You have your therapy chat, so you need this." Then I saw the advert. I think it was on my stories and it was like, "Oh, like you know, you can apply. Love is fun." And I thought, "Yeah, why not?" Cuz I love the US one. I think it's the most amazing concept ever and the amount of success stories there. I don't know in a moment I just it was a flash of a moment and it was like it felt like the right thing to do and I applied. >> What was the application process like? >> It's thorough. So you have to go through a lot of um questions about yourself, your past, a lot about dating history as well. Um a lot of personality checks. They go through everything because they want to make sure they cast the right people for this because at the end of the day, this is a dating show about marriage at the end. This is not just >> have fun, see how it goes. Like this is like no, this is serious. >> And going into the pods, how was that? Oh my god, so exciting. >> I think as a viewer like watching it, I have so many questions. I'm just there like >> go for it. >> Okay, so like how long were you in the pods like all together? It was approximately about two weeks. >> And then how many dates did you go on in a day? >> Oh my gosh. You date everybody initially. Yeah. And that's when you start building connections and that's when things start to as you build connections that's when dates get longer with certain people and and that's how it develops. >> So then like do you get to choose to be like oh I'm not feeling that person or oh I'm not feeling that person. >> You personally choose you know you'll you'll know and then eventually that person won't they won't feel the mutual feelings. So you won't end up seeing that person again. Was there like a time limit like per date? >> It was done where it gets longer. So, and it kind of goes with your comfortability and at a good pace as well. So, you start off, it's almost like speed dating at the beginning. You date everybody. It's like the quick questions and things like that. And I went into it saying, "I'm not going to date a northerner because my dad's northern and I was like, "Dad, I'm not going to lie. Absolutely love you, but there's certain aspects of you, you know, like you get a McDonald's." He's like, "Damn, the McDonald's is like £8 now." And I'm like, "Is this a northern thing, Dad?" "No, it's not. It's just it's just my dad." Um, so yeah, I said that and obviously Cal had a northern accent and I actually fell in love with this accent. So, yeah, it's very interesting. Um, as it develops. >> How was it like dating that many people in such a short amount of time? >> It's It's crazy. I have to say the first day is crazy. You're in this pod and you're like, "God, it's it's so quiet." You walk in and it's like pin drop and you're like, "Am I in a TARDIS?" like this is but it's amazing because it really makes you focus on that voice and it's a different way of communicating because I always say I love to talk but I'm very closed a little bit until I'm comfortable but in that situation I didn't really have the time to be like that I was like okay I have to go all in I have to be open I have to be vulnerable but culturally growing up we don't do that we don't bring up come on my parents divorce that's still a taboo in my family and I'm having to open up with this guy who potentially could be the one or not be the one and be vulnerable. And that was hard because I've grown up very much like you keep everything at home. You walk out of that house, you're a unit. That's how it is. You smile, you you put the front on um despite what you're going through. Even days where you're having to argue with your sisters and your mom, as soon as you walk out, yeah, smile, you're all good. Because people are watching. There's a lot of judgment in our in our families, in our culture. And I keep saying families cuz it's it's a lot of the relatives sometimes it's them who bring the judgment and it's almost like okay now I'm about to put myself out there and on a public platform but I'm ready for this because I'm putting myself first and that's basically I went in so so open. >> Before we touch on your relationship with K I also want to touch up on the friendships like how is it living with the girls making besties? >> Oh my god 100%. So there's like 15 girls 15 boys. >> Oh yeah. >> And obviously you're from different walks of life. Um, you're from so many different parts, different jobs, different everything. But it's almost like a sisterhood cuz you walk in there because you're all there for the same reason. And oh my god, I've made some besties for life. Like Ashley is literally like my best friend. Like that girl is like a sister. And we're so similar in so many ways, but I never would have met her if it wasn't for this. And I've got so many other friends like Ba, Katisha, Anu, so many. And it's like when you see our personality, sometimes you think, "Oh, they're going to be friends." But there's a lot behind the scenes you don't see as well. Um, but the sisterhood's amazing. It's almost like you trauma bond and it ties you together for life, but then you end up in the real world together and it it really is a test of friendship. So, you were dating to find love, but you were also finding sisterhood in it and it was it was beautiful. You could honestly rely on each other so much. I also think like dating in the real world like you obviously have like your friends and then if you're going on a date and you put it in the group chat like I'm going on this date today and then afterwards you did like a little debrief and you're like >> ours was the lounge. The lounge was debrief time. The lounge was the pros and cons time. The lounge was our time. >> Was everyone quite open with who they were dating or were some people kind of like very like cards to their chest? >> People took it differently. There were some girls who felt more comfortable not really being so open and I respect that because we were doing this all for the first time. It's an experiment for a reason and I went in there and even I felt like that because I was like oh like if I start saying how amazing somebody is then someone be like oh let me just let me see what it's like talking to that person. So I kept it very close. So it's just me and Katisha and mainly me and Katisha B at times too. It was just us would talk. We would rely on each other if it would tell us each other the ins and outs of our dates and I felt safe like that. >> And then you did find love in the pod. >> Yes, I did. >> With Cal. How long were you talking to Cal in the pod? >> The whole time. >> And then your date just got progressively longer and longer and longer. And when did you feel like Yeah. like he's the one that I want to come out of this with? >> It was very early on. It was very early on. It was almost like a feeling and I can't even describe the feeling. You just know it's almost like this I keep calling it the butterflies. It's not the anxious butterflies. It's this exciting sort of warmth in you that I was like what's going on here? I was like >> like a giddiness. >> Yeah, basically. And I was like, do I need a busker? Like what is this? But it was honestly surreal that I could feel emotions to this person and I knew from that cuz I knew I've not felt this before. This is something special. And that's what I kept dating Cal because the more and more I'd speak to him, the more and more I was falling in love with him. >> And there wasn't anyone else that you had a connection with in the pod. >> He was he was the one. >> He was the only one. >> I I did have other connections, don't get me wrong. Like, you know, you always have your top five in your head. Um I'm really good friends with Demila and actually we were talking about this um yesterday and he was like, you know, you were in my top five. I was like, yeah, you're in my top five as well. And it's like we've got such a good friendship out of that. Once you got engaged to Cal and you had to see him for the first time, did you have an idea of like what he would look like? Oh god. So at this point I'm all in. I'm like this is my person now. It's that final piece of the puzzle to see him and I tried. So okay, so my type growing up was I want the Indian Zachron and I kept saying that and it honestly has been this sort of in my back of my mind and I was thinking oh my god what he doesn't even look anything like what I'm picturing. I knew obviously his background so I knew there was going to be some element of mixed race there. I tried not to picture but I kept thinking he's going to be this Bollywood actor. I don't know what it was in my head. I just kept thinking this is I think that inner girl in you where you just have that hope but when I saw him I was like oh yeah I was like yeah and I think this is why I was so taken back and I don't think people realize like on a platform like that our chemistry is going to be different. I have to be respectful as well. I can't just run up to the guy and like jump on him because I don't need family and friends to see that cuz also I wouldn't really do that anyway. That's that's not me. Um so you could just see I was so taken back. It was so surreal. I was like this is actually happening cuz this this is my person. This is it. Like oh my god. >> What was going through your head? Like what were you thinking? >> I just thought this this is it. Now honestly it was like the this ultimate moment of everything in my life has led to this moment. and it's about to be something special. That's how I felt. And I was so taken back. I was just happy to be in his company. I didn't feel like I had to even be all over him because it felt like we're we're us. We're good. We're we're about to we might as well walk life together now. That's how I felt. >> And after you got engaged like in the pods, you went on holiday. >> We did go on holiday. >> I think one of the conversations that came up whilst you're on holiday was around types. And there was also a lot of discourse online about this when said that you weren't his normal type. >> How did that make you feel when he said that to you? >> So my face says it all. If I'm angry, sad, happy, tired, hungry, my face will just say it all. When I watched myself back, it broke my heart because I thought, "Oh my god, SA, that affected you more than you realized." And when he brought it up, I thought it didn't sit well with me because he brought up quite a few times. And I thought, but you you knew what I was potentially going to look like. You've seen what I look like. You're my fiance and now you're telling me, oh, your usual type would have been someone else because it creates this insecurity. And it's almost like I already had this insecurity always inbuilt in me because growing up I was a minority and I always felt like I wasn't good enough just based on what I look like. And you know, I was the girl who had the plat in her hair and all of that. And I was dealing with the sideburns, a bit of attach, you know, the eyebrows. You're already going through all that growing up. And so when somebody says about usual type, they talk about physical appearance on an experiment where you didn't even know me, but you you saying you fell in love with me for for me. I didn't really know how to take it. I just thought, let me give him the benefit of the doubt because he is trying to reassure me. like he does try to say, "But it's like I'm glad you're not my usual type." But I think what I've learned is is usual type means what you're attracted to. Now, I've taken a lesson out of that. If you're not someone's usual type, it doesn't really change because that's what they're attracted to. No matter how amazing you can be and how compatible you can be, there's going to be that slight doubt. And that's what happened to us predominantly that comes out. So watching it, I just thought, "Oh my god, I'm back into back to school days, back to uni days where I didn't feel like I was good enough for him." And I've had it at times like even growing up, it was I would never forget this. It was year five, I was at school and there was a boy and I really liked him. And obviously I was like, you know, keep it really quiet. And I told my friend and she happened to be the exact type that Cal describes. And I remember her saying, "Oh, but I really like him. Like, is it okay if I tell him?" I was like, "Okay, yeah, you can tell him." And then the next day they're like, "Oh, yeah, we're boyfriend and girlfriend." And I would sit at the set, you know, you get put on tables and I literally would sit next to him and I was like, "Oh." And she was like, "Yeah, but he was going to like me, so don't worry." And I was like, "What does that mean? Now I've so if I've grown up with that and now I'm this is now in my adulthood still happening. What I learned was that person's not for you and that's okay. I will take that going forward now because we we are so uniquely beautiful in our own way." And I've said this before, but it took me to go through what I went through to learn that. >> But girl, you are beautiful. Like genuinely, I also like really resonate because I think growing up as a minority, we do feel that we already feel otherred and then having like the sideburns and the tash and the hair and all of that. >> I still struggle with my right sideburn cuz my laser lady went up a little bit too much. So I'm still dealing with that now. But it is an insecurity that we have from like such a young age and like because we already feeling that and then all of a sudden to have someone kind of >> reaffirm that in a way but kind of be like no but that's that's not a problem but it kind of kind of is. >> Yeah. I don't think he realized I don't think he realized at all. Um it's just sad to be on the receiving end of something because he would have known what I've gone through before that >> and it is that matter of time how much time we really did have up until that point. But the thing is I always keep thinking back to what is beautiful then because we've kind of grown up to be told almost like certain attributes make someone beautiful and I think that's wrong. Like why why is the media portrayed what beautiful is because people are falling in love every single probably I don't know the stats let's say every single minute of the day people are falling in love with someone would not look like what we are used to. So I think the definition of beautiful honestly needs to be redefined >> and I feel like it's starting to be redefined but >> Oh yes, >> but I also feel like there is like such a long way to go. >> Correct. >> One of the other things that I wanted to touch on was also your family >> because one of the story lines on the show was that your mom wasn't your mom needed convincing. >> Correct. >> And she was sending you messages and it was like really stressing you out. Like what were the messages and like why were they stressing you out? >> Mom just wanted to know what's happening. It was just a mom's duty. And I I do understand that because I didn't have the time to basically say to her, "So, this is Cal. This is how we met. This is what he does." There was just so much. She had so many questions. Rightfully so, because if I'm going to be honest, I went onto the onto the experiment thinking, "Oh, look, there's what's the chances I'm really going to meet someone? And if I do meet someone, what's the chance I'm actually going to genuinely fall in love with this person?" I didn't realize. So I told her, "Oh, mom, I'll be home in a couple of weeks." Obviously, I didn't come home in a couple of weeks. >> What did you say? Like, what did you say to your mom? Did you tell that you were going to lovers Blind? >> I did. And she hadn't watched it before, so I said, "Oh, just watch one of the watch the first season. You'll understand what I'm doing for the next couple of weeks." So, I said, "Oh, just watch the pods. That's what I'll be doing." I actually told my dad, "I'm going on Fear Factor." Cuz I didn't know how to approach it with him. So, I literally called him the day before. I was like, "Oh, dad, by the way, I'm not going to be around for a couple of weeks. um I'm just going to be on fear factor like it's super cool and he was like oh he was like yeah that's really cool um obviously I had to tell them the truth so now I've got two parents who obviously they want to know any parent would so this is what the messages were she just wanted to know everything and I couldn't cope because I was it was a new relationship I was also you know your dayto-day was very busy and then I've also got the family as well so I was at this point I could have just lay on the floor and be like help >> at that point >> and it just got like really overwhelming >> but I totally understand why she loves me that much that she cared that much to be like if I have to drive to you and get my answers I will I respect that because at the end of the day your parents do need to be in the knowhow and this is what I mean by the whole taboo of dating mom's progressed enough with me over the years to want to be involved and I should I need to show her that respect too. It doesn't mean if mom turned around and said, "Oh, oh, I say no to this." She wouldn't do that because she's learned over the years. If she did say that, I'm going to be honest. I would have to put myself first and be like, I know eventually your parents do come around and if they don't, there's so many women who come through to me um through messages who have said that, you know, they chose love. They did choose themselves eventually. They've got families, they've got kids now, and their parents still don't talk to them. That breaks my heart because it's like, why are you punishing your own children for falling in love and actually having successful marriages as well? And this is what all that mom wanted to do. But I would say it's not being disrespectful to your family. It's just who dictates what love is. They're doing life for the first time. So for them, it's new. So we need to just break that cycle a little bit. I I really do believe in that. >> Sometimes I feel like growing up like being South Asian, it's almost like we have to date behind our parents back. Correct. >> As well, we can't really tell them and you're kind of figuring it out for the first time. is also every relationship is different and like sometimes you just want to be able to have that relationship with your mom or your dad and your parent where you just don't have to lie >> and you just have want to be able to be really open as well. So, it's really nice that you were able to like talk to your mom about this and like be really open as well and the way she's like supported you throughout this whole journey. >> I'm so proud of her. I'm so proud because she grew up very traditionally in a very traditional household. So for her to then bring up three daughters, her and my dad. Both of them had to learn a lot. Dad was very strict at the beginning with me. So was mom. And like I said, they actually had that conversation. They both sat me down and apologized, but and they were like, "We're so sorry for putting you in a box because that's not real life." So what I went through opened up the doors for my sisters. So they got to live a more open life. And I just want everybody else who watches me to if they can encourage their I know it's reality TV and not many of our parents would want to watch or even grandparents but to watch me and use me as an example because just because it didn't work out for me. This is not well look I told you so she went for someone like this she should have you know gone for and I've seen comments where people are like well if you just went for a seat guy you would have been fine. This is what is not fine is saying that to me because this is not I told you so. This is watch me date with an open heart. I did fall in love. It's okay that it didn't work out. Not every relationship does. And those relationships which are struggling in our cultures who feel like they can't walk away are there for a reason because they can't. We have a choice. >> But I just want it to be open >> because that's all we all deserve. Why should we be punished for falling in love? >> And you shouldn't. And I think there's so much like it's almost like people feel trapped in these relationships and they can't get out because of what all people say, the community, all of that. And then you're living for other people and not yourself. >> What happens if he was a seat guy? >> Yeah. Exactly. >> And this outcome. >> Exactly. That's exactly. >> So this is why I keep saying to people now I've obviously brought I'm going to have to obviously go through a divorce. And that's the other part of it. So not only have I gone and dated out of culture, I've also publicly dated out of culture. Like even kissing on screen, I thought, God, do they do that in Bollywood yet? Because I don't know. I was like just a peek is okay. >> I was going to ask. I was like, how was that? Like, well, you could see the way I was kissing. I was keeping it very PG. >> Yeah. So, I was like, yeah. And you don't talk about, you know, in intimacy or anything like that because it's respect. You can date openly. You can put yourself first. You can choose love respectfully. >> Yeah. So, going back, so your mom then also met Cal. Yes. >> For the first time. I was watching that and I felt like it was edited a bit weirdly cuz he like went in, we already knew it was going to be a little bit tense. Yeah. And then Cal says some stuff and then like your mom was like not sure. And then after she was like yeah I'm like really happy and we're like did we just miss like a whole situation? So everything you watch for my journey is exactly how it was. Nothing was edited for me. Nothing was we weren't pushed to talk about things. We weren't asked to talk about things. It was honestly authentically exactly what I lived through which is why watching it back I was like oh I could just walk around the house and listen to me because I remember this conversation. So what you see is exactly what happened. He did say what he said. The atmosphere was what it was. However remember it's uh that dinner must have been about 3 4 hours and then you see about 2 minutes 3 minutes. So in between the initial bit and then mom giving her blessing there's a lot of conversation in which we really talk about everything. Mom does ask her questions cuz she just wants to make sure she's done her due diligence as a mom. This is why she felt like I can give my blessings to you. >> And did K ever get to meet your dad? Cuz we meet your dad at the wedding. >> So with my dad, we have to just understand as well that with parents it it takes some time as well. Dad was like, "Look, you made a decision. You decided to marry him. So why would you ask my blessing after?" And that was difficult for me and him because it's not how I would have naturally have done it. Cal was like, "Well, if he doesn't want to talk now, I'll see him at the wedding." And if I look back on it, I wish I kind of pushed for my dad to My dad's very quiet. My dad's like, you know, keeps to himself. He was uncomfortable about the whole sort of situation, but he supported me. He said, "I trust you. I support you and I'll be there. You tell me when and when. When and where, sorry." To hear your dad say, "You tell me when and where for your wedding day." Because he trusts you that much and loves you that much. That said it all. The fact that he met Cal on the wedding day for the first time. This is why he was so emotional because he was watching everything. He was watching how Cal walks in is is this a genuine walk is um is the way he's interacted with people because he was seeing it for the first time. But he was so happy with me. He was so proud. Like you saw the tears and I think the moment my dad almost thought oh was when he ripped up the vows. So when Cal whips up the vows, I didn't know that was going to happen at all. I'm so in love with the guy and I know he loves having a moment. So I just thought this is just Cal. So this is why I'm still smiling through it. And everybody else is like, you know, his mom's like, "Say yes. Say yes." And my mom's like, "What's going on?" My dad's think looking at him and I thought, "Oh my god, this is the moment. My dad's about to jump off his off his chair." And dad did say, Dad goes, "If he just, you know, took one more second longer, I would have been out of my chair." So >> it really was surreal. But my dad came around, my dad supports me. And even now knowing what happens between us, my dad's literally on the phone, you good? Yep. Love you. Bye. Even my dad saying, "Love you. Bye." It's like we've progressed so much because we've opened up this new line of communication between us which we didn't have before. >> Oh, that's really nice. That's kind of like kind of healed your relationship with your dad a little bit >> which I never would have expected which is why I keep saying how life-changing this has been for me with my mom. Like I was quite conservative like even talk about dating for me was uncomfortable. I had to learn to become comfortable in that and she talks so openly with me now and with my dad like that relationship I feel like I can be more vulnerable with him. him. I don't have to be like, "Oh, this is awkward cuz it's my dad." You know, like you watch TV and you're like, "Oh, I'm not looking because someone's kissing on the TV." He's seen it all now. So, he's it's a newfound relationship and I really want people to have that who who don't have it because it makes your relationships with your parents stronger and then they feel more connected to you as well. >> Yeah. And I think that's the thing right at the end of the day like parents just want to be like a part of your lives and I think like because of like the cultural clash because they obviously been brought up a lot more traditionally and we're like born and raised here for the first time and we're still trying to figure it out as well and there also kind of feels like a disconnect and there's already a disconnect like culturally. So being able to like bring them in I know it's really hard like I also remember like talking to like my parents when I started dating and I was like oh my god like what do I do? What do I say? Like and it's also a lot of pressure as well, especially like if that pressure's already been put on you >> from a very young age that relationships equals the final destination. And also because like the divorce is so taboo as well. It's so much pressure around it where it has to be perfect. >> It's the pressure to get it right. >> Yeah. And if you don't get it right, then then what? >> But I'm saying when it doesn't go right, then then what is what you're seeing now? There is a 2.0 next in your life. and that that next part, you're stronger, you learn a lot, it's exciting, >> and you just don't know what's out there for you next. And I think that's the bit I'm taking home with this. My life didn't end because of Cal. My life actually started because of what I went through. And >> what can I say? I just I'm just I'm just so excited for because I'm seeing life so differently now. I'm seeing life so openly, so free. like and I do have the love and support of my family and friends which is amazing and I know not everybody will have that for putting themselves first but I want them to know they're not alone because I have so many messages on women who have gone through what I've gone through and even on a bigger scale later on down the line and you're not alone and they are okay and everybody else will be okay. Sometimes you might not have the love and support from a mom and dad. You will survive because you were born in this world to be your own person too. And you'd be able to stand on your own two feet. And that's honestly the take-h home message I really want really want to put out there. >> And then going into wedding planning. >> Oh yeah. >> So let's talk a little bit about wedding planning. What is it like to plan a wedding in like 3 weeks? >> Do you what? When you've got a good team around you, it's easy. Yeah. We had a very very good team around us. They were like I see this vision. I was like I see your vision too. And it was it was very it was plain sailing very smooth. I that's does not happen in the outside world which I completely acknowledge. So, you know, but um for me it was the wedding dress part that was the hardest bit because I needed to figure out a way how do I bring my culture but also a wedding where we're doing the sort of the ceremony in a cathedral together to be appropriate because at the end of the day I didn't feel comfortable wearing a Indian bridal gown when I'm standing in a cathedral. That didn't feel right. This felt like this was the sort of what you call the white part of the wedding where you say your vows. So, I wanted it to take part of the modernday living I'm doing, but also have my roots in there as well. And the door players were the perfect part of that as well. Like having that and the way it was put together. Gosh, I cry every time I watch it. I must have must have watched my wedding about 10 times now and I still cry. >> Oh, I'm so interested though like how cuz it happens in such a short amount of time. So, you must have like started planning as soon as >> So, they look after everything. Yeah. They support us because they believe in us as a as a couple that are about to get married. So they make sure it's as perfectly done as much as you would have wanted it because you don't have the luxury of the outside world, the time of it. So they make sure they bring it all to you. >> I really wish they showed you like going to South and like picking up like your Indian dress. >> You do not want to see me going to South picking up my Indian dress. I'm surprised me and my mom were talking the next day after that. >> Was it that intense? >> When have you ever gone to M gone Indian shopping and there's not been some sort of tear drama a pin gets stuck in you like everything happened in that day. But yeah, we went into Mongers and it was like, "Right, mom, this is a mission. I need my outfit. I I just" And luckily for me, it was the first one I saw. And yeah, I got up there and she's like, "Right, we need jewelry." And I was like, "Okay, mom, like emerald green, cuz I love emerald green and gold." So, she's doing that. I'm standing there. We're pinning it all up. It was Yeah, we got out of there. We actually got McDonald's on the way home. And I was like, "Mom, like I'm tired." I was like, "That was stressful." She's like, "You did one day of real sort of wedding planning and look at you." >> How much input did you have in the weddings? >> A lot of input. Yeah. So, they would go through everything like color scheme with you, what the flowers would be like, um sort of the the chairs, the color of the chairs, if there's going to be bows or um what the aisle would look like. So, it's so personal. It felt like if this was cuz I always said to Cal, once we reach a year, cuz obviously I I would look to the future. Once we reach a year, we would do then we'll do a big wedding. We'll have all my family and friends there because you know I can't just get married and not have half the family there. Like that that would be wrong. Like I would not be able to live that down. So respectfully, there's a lot of people I'd have wanted there. But the way they did it, I was like, if this is the only wedding I'm going to have, this was perfect. And that's why it's such a beautiful memory. And then when you're walking down the aisle and like did you always know that you were going to say yes? >> Yeah. Because the cowl I dated, I fell in love with him. That was the person I did I did fall in love with. And if I had to go back in time every time for that section of it, I would still choose him just based on that. However, obviously, real life happens afterwards. And I didn't feel like I was with the same person. So I won't have any regrets about what I did. But what I think I should have done is maybe give myself a bit more time, but also ask more questions. Like shouldn't just take his someone's word for it. And I think that's just with anybody in life. You know, when we go dating now and a guy might say something to you, you're like, "Okay, cool." And you move on. It's like, "Okay, we'll follow up. Why was that last relationship? Why did it actually end?" They just say, "Oh, it wasn't the right person for me. Why wasn't it the right person for me?" And that's something I've really learned out of this because I do lead with my heart a bit sometimes as well. And I'm like I just kind of take people for who they are because I just I trust. You do trust. You're when you date someone you've had a bit of conversation before so you don't just go into it, you know, not knowing anything. But I have learned that definitely. >> Did you know that Carl was going to say yes? >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Did you talk about it beforehand or >> It's just the way he was with me, the way he would say things. So, it's almost like why would we not do life together now? Because you know me for every part of me now and you've fallen in like you're telling me you're in love with me. I know genuinely I'm all in and I've been myself and true to myself and I fall in love with you. So, it just felt like that was the natural next step for us and then things happen. Yes. And we find out on the reunion show that you two are no longer together. >> Yeah. >> How are you? Like genuinely like how are you? I'm okay. Honestly, it's um it's such a heavy question to ask how I am because it's it was obviously we got married almost a year ago and in that moment that was the best day to date of my life. Obviously now it's you look back on it, it's a very painful memory because what it holds holds with um and then obviously it's a very shortlived marriage. It was 3 months. Um, and I never got a chance to make my marriage work. And I think any woman who's gone through a relationship and you don't get that chance like how do you recover from that. So the breakup for me was hard because I tried to get answers. I tried to I didn't understand how someone doesn't want to make something work and how they kept telling me everything was fine. January was a very dark time for me if I'm going to be honest. And I was very lucky with the support I had from family and friends cuz without them I don't know how I would have got through it. It takes time to heal. Like the heart honestly is strong because I managed to heal. I'm still healing but now obviously the reunion's happened and now everyone knows and there's so much love for me. Honestly it makes you so emotional when I sit on my phone and I try to read everything as much as I can. I can't believe how much love there is out there and it's for me. Like who am I? like, you know what I mean? So, it just feels though, however, I'm about to go through the I'm going through the breakup all over again. So, it's it's a really raw time at the moment. >> I think it feels so like my when I was watching it, like my heart really went out to you cuz I was like I was so happy that you guys got married. I was like, "Oh my goodness, man. How happy ever after." And it was like really rooting for you the whole show and then to hear you guys broken up. And I think you also mentioned that it felt really blindsided cuz he just came in and was like, "Oh yeah, this isn't working for me." And then it's kind of like a buy. Did you have like any indication that like he was changed or he was acting a different way or were you just like, "Oh no, like this feels like my marriage. This is like normal." I was trying to figure out because he did change and I know he knows he did after the wedding. It wasn't ever the same. And I was trying to figure out, oh, maybe this is just him in real life. Now we're doing live together. I'm I'm just going to learn what he's like. But what didn't make sense was is I was the same person on camera as I was off camera. It didn't feel like he was the same person that he was on camera off camera because in those 3 months when you're in love you overlook a lot and I did overlook a lot like there wasn't any compromise you know on our honeymoon I even say at the reunion that he told me if I don't move to Wigan we might as well end it here. So, how much were you in love with me? If you could say a comment like that a week after we get married after saying, you know, we would try to live in both places and we make a joint decision with Cal, he does struggle to put someone else first and when we did real life together, he didn't put me first at all. I didn't really feel even like an equal. And that made me become a shell of myself. And I felt like if I did ask him anything or want to talk about anything, I was almost silenced. But then it would be like the next day like, "So, are you okay? Like everything's good?" Like, "We're good. We're strong. Like, don't worry, you just had a dip." And I'm like, "Oh, yeah, maybe I did." That's not okay. And I've learned that now. But yeah, so going through that. But there's moments of a lot of happiness. There are moments of a lot of love. He integrated my family and friends. Everybody accepted with open arms. And we did have some good times there. But that's like in any relationship, which is strong or not strong. You are going to still have some good moments in that time. And you hold on to those. I used to ask him every week, are we good? Is there anything we need to talk about? Because the nature of the experiment is you always ask that of each other. So I used to do that weekly on a weekly Sunday call. If we weren't together, we spent most weekends together. I would ask that and he'd be like, "Yeah, we're good. We're good. Any concerns? No. Anything we need to talk about?" No. He got to the point he actually said to me, "Look, so stop asking me. We're really good." And I'm like, "Okay." And I said, "But tell me if anything is that we can work through?" He said, "Yeah, of course I'll tell you." So we've gone from that. We go through Christmas together. He bought me um a Tiffany bracelet actually that had two rings on it and it was engraved because he knew I couldn't wear my wedding ring. So you've just gone this so sentimental. So how was I ever supposed to know? So I'm trying to figure you out cuz I'm still in love and this you know I've got elements that I would continue. You've done that and then not even a week later you just turn around and you literally tell me it's over and it's the best decision for us. There's no conversation to be had and I've done nothing wrong. Um, and that's it. And like, you know, he actually sent me a text saying, "Wishing you a happy, healthy, wealthy 2025." >> I don't know. Oh my god. I'm just I'm so sorry, man. >> It's heavy. It's It is heavy. And it's like I don't want to speak negatively of him. This is what he did and the things he did say. Like I know that is between us and you know I don't need to go into the ins and out of it but it was to the point that let's just say his outlook on life and his outlook on marriage is never the person I ever would have married if I knew all that. >> Oh I'm I'm really sorry. And how was it like seeing him at the reunion? >> That was hard because I had spent from January I would say up until about March trying to get answers out of him just to talk it through like what happened. Like our marriage you've said our marriage has ended. This is not just boyfriend girlfriend. This was not anything. This was We're still married. You know what I mean? So, I just wanted to know what changed. What happened? Was there anything we could have worked on? Why didn't you say anything? I just wanted to know answers. And I respectfully I I'm not a I'm not a nasty person or anything like that. So, I would actually ask him so politely. There was no cussing of anybody. No like, I can't believe you did this to me. No, I needed to just know. He never would give me the answers. He would dance around the topic. He would he he wasn't nice. He did not come back with any answers. So when he eventually reached out to me before the reunion, I was like to ask me, "Hey, it's been a long time. How are you doing? You're not going to No, I need my I'm healing here. That's not that's nothing. So no, I'm not going to give you that." The reunion was hard because that was the first time I've actually spoke to him. First time I've seen him in person since the day I left his house. And that was on the 2nd of January. My anxiety when I was sat there, I was shaking like the whole You can see I could not have got any further on the sofa if I tried. >> Really like far apart. >> Yeah. You know what it was? It was the energy like my soul couldn't stand being that close together because I wasn't cold. I was just that anxious. Like my teeth were chattering to the point they were hurting. And as soon as I got up and left, my body calmed. So it just meant that that I I can't do close proximity like that. It was for me it wasn't it wasn't comfortable at all. >> Yeah. I think also like when you're blindsided like that it's so hard to like get that closure cuz you like I don't know what I've like done wrong or like what has happened and like do you feel like you got the closure or do you think there's still like unanswered questions that you kind of made peace with to be like I know I'm never going to get the answer. >> I think we all got closure when we listened to us. I think when we listen to him, I think he said enough for us all to have closure. And I will still say to the day that I wish he didn't marry me because of now he's saying that, you know, you were perfect for me. His brother said it as well. He wasn't ready for a long-term commitment. And I kind of feel like I was his experiment in the experiment, which is tough. >> It's also not fair on you as well. I think you went in there like so genuine like to be like you want to find love. Like >> it's a lesson for me as well. And talking about lessons, I think every relationship teaches us something. >> Yes. >> So, was there any lessons that you took out of your relationship with pal? >> A lot of lessons. Number one, I am an equal in a relationship and I do deserve to have a voice. If I can't emotionally feel like someone's there for me, that's not the relationship for me. If you feel anxious or you feel like you can't bring stuff up in a relationship, again, you're not then safe in that relationship. So to feel safe, seen, heard, and loved unconditionally for who you are. If you feel like those and you're respected in that, that's real. If you don't, that's what I've gone through now. So I know now what qualities I'm looking for and how internally I would feel with the right person. And it's okay that he wasn't the right person. It's horrible what I went through, but I'm not the only one who's gone through that. >> I think there's so many people that can like relate to you with like what you've gone through as well. And I think yeah it like heartbreak sucks but you also said like Carl was the first person that you fell in love with. >> I feel that. Yeah. >> So this was also like your first heartbreak. >> Yeah it was my first I know one of the one of the who was it now? I think it was oh some of the boys actually said that when they found out it was my first heartbreak they were like oh like is she okay? And as quite a few of them did reach out like very respectfully like friendly wise they were like just want to make sure you are okay cuz we heard it's your first heartbreak and I didn't realize how heavy your first heartbreak would be but god it's it is something else but I'm glad it was done where everybody got to watch it because everybody needed to see us. If you've if you're rooting for us and you've fallen in love with us for us, then you also deserve for me to sit uncomfortably there to see what really happened. And even if I had to sit like arm in- arm with him to tell what to tell the truth and tell my side of what happened, I would have done that just for the respect of everybody who was watching. >> Yeah. And how has life been like after the show? >> So life's been just a whirlwind. the most amazing whirlwind because I'm having now so many girls saying to me and it's such a I struggle to say when they say oh but you're representing us because I feel like oh like that's big and I now feel like okay if this is the case then for not everybody will feel that but for those who do feel that then I want to appropriately use this platform now because there's conversations to be had we need to we need to open up more doors for ourselves. We need to be able to date openly and there's a lot that we need from from society cuz we are that minority. So now if I'm here now and there is some sort of platform I really hope I can take this forward for us. That's what it is because me and Cal are over that chapter's done. So now what next is what we take from my my journey and this relationship is what can we do next now going forward. And that's where I'm at. I'm in this state of how do I what do I do? >> I love it. It's like giving empowered. Like I feel like there's such an energy about you where you're like do you know what? Like I've gone through this. I really want to help people. And I sense that as well. And it's like >> it's not just about me now. >> Yeah. And I completely relate and resonate. It's also like the reason that I started this podcast because there's so many conversations within our community that we really need to normalize as well. And I think like seeing your story, seeing you being a British Punjabi girl, I think there are so many people that can relate to you with like the culture stuff, how everything happened, how supportive your family are. And I think in a way you're kind of like a role model now. >> I have so much love and respect for all of you guys, everyone who's reached out because honestly, I was just me and the fact is you will see me for me. You see how I dress, you see, I do go out. I, you know, I do have a I do have a drink here and there, you know, so I'm just being me. So, if you're supporting me for being me, oh my god, we have got a progressive society and we need that to be out cuz we're not doing anything wrong. We're good people. We're just living our lives and we know to be respectful. We know that. But why? We can have fun, too. We can date openly and it's okay. And I just want that to be be known. And the fact you're all supporting me knowing my life. You see my Instagram. I went I went to Dubai for my birthday. I've had fun. I'm in a swimsuit in one of my pictures. And you're seeing that as okay. And I actually didn't see that as okay growing up cuz I told it's not okay to be like that. And if we're supporting me doing that, we need to allow that to be okay. And you've told me now it's okay to be me. So, >> is there anything that you kind of wish that they did or like didn't show on the show? Um, I'm glad they showed everything for me because if I was being true to myself and if you're all watching, you need to see my real relationship. The ins and outs, the ups and downs, the uncomfortable times, all of it. And this is why when I watch it back, I'm like, "Oh, I really I see." Cuz if I remove myself, I'm watching that relationship as it is. And you you all deserve that. Because if you didn't see everything, then how is that relatable? Because then elements would have been hidden or I'd have been like, "Oh, we're at the pool." Like, "Oh, don't have me here. Like, just have me sat down." No, no. I needed to see you as me being me and my life being me and my relationship as it was, even the most uncomfortable times and conversation with mom and navigating that and then my little sister there being like this is a new experience because, you know, she went on a date, she would come home and just be so open. >> I didn't get that. So, yeah, everybody deserved to watch me and watch us and the whole journey. >> How was it for you? Because obviously this happened a year ago and now >> like people are getting to see it for the first time now. >> How was it watching it back? And obviously you knew like what is going to happen and you know like how it ended >> but for all of us watching we're like oh my god this is like so cool that is in love or they're getting married like how was it for you like watching the show back? I took myself back to watching it real time with you all. So, I then basically had to step back in time because I wanted to go through it with you all. So, when you're saying like I know there was comments as such as, "Oh, I don't see any chemistry at the reveal." I was watching like, "Okay, so what are they seeing?" Cuz now I'm out of love. So, I was watching it with fresh eyes and a and a healing heart. So, I could see things differently. And then when there were comments about sort of um just anything, I I wanted to experience it with you all. It's just the wedding day was the hardest day to watch if I'm going to be honest. That was the hardest day to watch. But I'm glad I got to watch with you all. See how you saw me, see the relationship, hear the comments because I respect that >> because we don't know everything. We're all learning and we learn from each other as well. Um, so I I very much openly watched it with you all. So I went through when you're all rooting for me and then the comments would some change being like, "I wasn't sure about Cal, but now I'm so sure for you guys and I hope you make it." And I'm like, I see what you're seeing and I I do. And I I wanted to just tell you all the truth. I'm going to be honest. I just wanted to be like, guys, it doesn't work out, but like it's okay. But I I obviously couldn't. I had to I had to allow it to all all unfold as it happened. >> Yeah. And I think you're kind of like been on this healing journey for like 20 25. >> Yes. >> How has healing been? >> It's a roller coaster. You have your good days, you have your bad days. The thing is, as long as you keep picking yourself up, you don't allow it to get to the point where you can't cope anymore. I was lucky to have a lot of support from family and friends because not everybody gets that and I do acknowledge that. But it's it's it's a process. It is. And I know eventually when I meet the right person, you know, that's when things do fall into place. I can heal myself without having a person, too. Don't get me wrong, but it's it takes time. Like, but I'm learning a lot about myself through healing, too. God, life is a lot of lessons and honestly, >> gosh, a lot of learning. >> 20s, like early 30s, like there is just so many life lessons and things that you just don't realize >> that happen and you're like, >> especially things just so out of the blue and so random. You're like, >> well, I I was not expecting that or and it kind of throws you to the point where you're like, "Oh my god." And the way that I explain it is almost like it's like a rug being pulled underneath you and you just fall and you're like, "Oh my god, I don't know what I'm supposed to do now." And so it's really lovely you've had like the support of like friends and family because Yeah. It's it's heartbreaking. >> Of course it is. And we've all gone through heartbreaks, whether it's friendship breaks, relationship breaks, family breaks, we've all gone through some sort of heart heartbreak in our lives. And I think every time we try to really try to I don't know just get through it in a way we can. Sometimes it's a fight or flight sort of >> mechanism that we use. And I did lose myself through it. I really did. And I I've had to build myself back up. And I just know it everything happens for a reason. And that's what I keep telling myself. And everything does work out the way it's meant to be. I believe everything's written too. >> Oh my god. Me too. Yeah. >> And I believe my life has already been written for me. And I just have to now be a strong girl going through it all because everything will happen for it will be okay. I can't imagine that I was put on this for everything to just not work out and just collapse beneath me and crumble. No, >> not at all. >> I really resonate cuz I think there is so much peace in knowing that like everything is written >> for you as well cuz you're like it has to get better and it's almost like when you go through like really dark times in your life you're like no it has to get better. It has to get better because it cannot end like this. And I see a lot of my messages from from a lot of women and they do tell me that they're like it's okay what you went through and you know you've now dated someone who's like XY Z and now you've seen that now you know going forward what you deserve and they're right. And then I've got messages from women who like I finally put myself first and I do have this marriage. I have met this person. I'm really happy now. And it's like there is hope. It can happen. It will happen. We just have to stay strong in ourselves and not allow a relationship breakup to define us and take us to a point where we don't see a future. >> Yeah. Because I think every breakup like regardless whether that's like relationship, job, friendship, it always does make us stronger. Correct. And we just don't realize it in that moment. It's only when you kind of come out of it in a little bit and you're like, I can't believe I just went through that. Cuz in the moment it feels so dark and you're just like, that's it. like I don't know what I'm supposed to do. And then you kind of like and every day like you said is a roller coaster because like and some days are good, some days are bad, some days you're crying, some days you're smiling and it's just like a it is it is a roller coaster. >> That's life. There's no written book on how life is ever going to be for anyone. And everyone's lives are different. There's no two lives that they're the same at all. Despite we can all come from very similar upbringings and backgrounds, we're all going to live different journeys. But the good thing about doing this is we can resonate with each other and it's almost like learning from each other and supporting each other and and that's what we can do in life and you just have to make it as fulfilling as you can. You get one one life and that's what I believe. So now I've seen it as my 20ies and like you were saying you you do live with a lot of expectations and you don't put yourself first and you do have happy moments but were you truly happy? My 30s is like I feel like I've just started to live like now I'm excited. Now I'm going to be like, "Oh, like I can just do what I want to do and it's okay." And yeah, >> everyone's always saying like your 30s are supposed to be your best years. And I think so much pressure is put on us in our 20ies. So we like have to have it all figured out. And I'm literally there like we're baby adults. >> We are babys. >> Literally, we're we're just going through life and everybody does everything at different times. And I've learned that like I was probably like you as well. By the time I hit 30, I want to make sure I have my house, have kids, I'm married. >> Yeah. >> All of that. And then I hit 30. I thought, oh, like my marriage has just broken down. I don't have kids. And what's what's going to happen? And it's like, no, no, no. You're just going through another year of your life's. There's no just cuz you hit 30 that what's 30 compared to 35. >> And I guess it's just it's the number at the end of the day. It's also like how you feel because some people don't feel ready to make those big life decisions even at 30. Whereas I think before there was so much pressure to have it all figured out at 30. And it's so nice that the narrative is also changing around that as well because you don't have to have married and kids and a home all in the first decade of you being an adult cuz these are like big milestones and I think for people who've also gone through these big milestones having them all together is also overwhelming >> for some people. Some people are ready, some people that's how it works out. Some people end up married at 21 and then living happy marriages 20 years later, 30 years later. And I get it like you know and it does go back to back in the day. It's once you reach a certain age, okay, right? You need to get married cuz what else you can do? You can't just stay at home because you don't have an education. You don't have a job. So, I think it's all gener gener generationally >> generation >> generationally all come across. But now it's like, wo, we're in a whole different >> a whole different generation now. Like people have education, people have jobs, people want to travel, people have a lot of friends that they can go out with now. Before it would be like you can't really even go out with friends. I think my mom said that. She goes, "Yeah, I see my friends at school. And I was like, "What? Huh?" I was like, "Oh, like you didn't go for a sai ball?" Obviously, I didn't say that to her. But yeah, this that's what life was. School, get married, done. >> Yeah. >> And she did as well. My mom got married at um at 16, actually. >> Oh my god. >> I think what I loved about what you did on the show was that you normalized a lot of conversations that were very predominant in our community. So like everything that you're speaking about I think within the South Asian community like these are very normal conversations but I think you were able to shine a light on them for people who were not from the community and you were actually able to be like oh this is actually what happens and I think there are other people who are probably from other communities who can also resonate because their communities are very similar as well and I think that that was really authentic of you like I think we've had this conversation but >> having a British South Asian girl like being herself like I I think that South Asian representation that we don't really get to see that often because growing up we didn't get that representation. Like I always say this like Bend Lab Beckham was like the one film that I like absolutely love because it was like such authentic representation being a British girl from London like a British Punjabi girl from London. And I think >> after that I didn't really get to see much and I think even now we're so under reppresented in Western media when actually we resonate with Western media way more than Bollywood for example. And this is why I'm so grateful to the whole Netflix platform because this is a whole different platform now. We needed this and I didn't realize how much we needed this. We need to do something to just keep this open now to keep this >> going. Yeah. >> Because if if this just ends with me and my relationship, then I feel like I failed because now I've seen what's needed and I just really hope I can do us all justice. And I think I need the community with me. I think there's a lot of us now who can get together and continue this in in our way as well. And I know a lot of people already are as well. So I think it's just coming together and continuing together because it's not competition now. This is you are all believing in me. I believe in you as well. We we can do this all together. >> Yeah. And it's that culture of like collaboration as well because I think so many of us want the same goal and it's almost like just like working together to get that connection >> and not having the competitiveness. Why did we I don't know about you, but I grew up where you're almost kind of put in a competition with your own cousins. Yeah. And I don't understand why that was a thing. Why was it, oh, if that cousin does this degree, then you need to make sure you do it cuz other you always feel like you're not good enough. And it's like, no, no, no. This has now shown me how much support there was and how much support there is and how much we all want to push each other. And that sort of um that's what we need to continue because in families that's not okay. And I know that happens a lot cuz I I still have it in mine. And it's only now they're watching me where some are coming through to me being like, "So proud of you." And I'm like, "Oh, you've you've seen it and you're proud of me because that's not what we were brought up at all." >> So I'm hoping this this is like a door opening and and I'm okay that it was me who had to do it in terms of had to go through a heartbreak because look what's coming out of it. >> Yeah. >> Maybe it was meant to be like this. >> And I completely relate with you the whole like competition thing. I think like I think it's competition and comparison. Like we're >> so much comparison. >> We're always compared to someone or it's like this so and so's done this and so done that and it's like yeah but I'm me and I'm different. >> Yeah. And why can't I be good enough because I'm me. You can be proud of me for just being me. >> It's a bizarre mentality that's got created for some sort of reason. And >> this is why I'm so overwhelmed emotionally because I'm like, "Oh my god, I see no competition here. I see girls supporting girls. girls wanting this, girls being like, "We we're so happy for you. We're rooting for you. Like, please continue." And this is why I was so happy to speak to you because I'm like, "Oh my god, you have this boys. You've got a platform and you're doing so much good with it cuz you're bringing up conversations which happen in households and actually they're more explosive. They're not comfortable and they should be." >> Yeah. And I think that's exactly the intention behind it. Like I felt like growing up very similar to you. Like I think so much of what you say I really resonate with and I think like I've always tried to find my story and other people's stories. There wasn't that much representation for me growing up. I think I grew up like being one of the only girls within my family like cousin context. So everyone around me was like boys. >> Okay. >> And then on top of that I was really shy like super quiet and I've really had to go through this like whole journey within myself and then I've done so much from it. >> You now you talk podcast. Oh I'm a yapper now. I can still forever. >> Oh, that's amazing. >> But it's almost like also like breaking all those boundaries of like being the first one to go to uni, like traveling so much. Going on holiday the first time. I remember telling my dad I'm like, "Oh yeah, I'm going on holiday with my friends." And they're like, "What?" >> But also like moving abroad, trying different career opportunities, like there's so much that I think like >> we all do very siloed and it's just nothing that bringing them together. Like the whole idea of this platform was to have these conversations because you never know what someone else is going through and life can get really lonely if there isn't anyone going through a very specific thing that you're going through because there's so many people and I feel like there's not enough experiences. Like there's definitely experiences that make people connect to one another. And I also feel like this time of like 20s, early 30s, people are in very very different life stages. >> Yes. Oh yeah. And I think like even with my friendship group, everyone is doing something completely different literally. >> And it's almost like sometimes like you want to hear someone going through something really similar to you. And that's why I love this platform with like podcasting because I'm able to do that and like share stories from our community and just hoping that other South Asian girls like literally just don't feel alone and they can come to this platform and be like, "Oh my god, I'm going through this. Like this person went through this." And it there's something just so special about it. >> Yeah. They're not alone. And it breaks my heart to think they felt like we all felt like we were alone growing up. Yeah. And >> and we're lucky enough that we managed to. >> So, and that's all it is cuz there'll be others who literally are going through this that don't have a don't have a way of doing that, but they can always reach out to us. And I think that is the >> that's the most empowering thing out of all of And it's really special as well to be able to do that and to connect with someone who >> is going through something similar or has gone through something similar and I don't know if you did this but I think like growing up you know when you see someone that looks very similar to you and they like oh but so and so's done this so like can I also do this? Oh I do that with my aunt. Honestly my aunts were all like my role models growing up like oh god I used to copy them so much but I realized I was it's interesting because I would copy them not realizing they're a different generation to me. So my upbringing, I almost became them. And now I've seen, oh, hang on a second. There's girls my age who I should have had that. I wish I had that. Like you said, we we wish we had that. And now we do, which is which is why we're so excited about it. >> Yeah. Oh my god. Honestly, I was going to ask like if there is someone out there who is going through heartbreak >> or has kind of in a relationship where they don't really know how to tell their parents because it might be like a interfaith or intercultural relationship. Like what advice would you give to other girls? >> The advice I would give is is just be honest and open. If if we're talking about parents, just be honest and open and don't don't be scared because at the end of the day, if they don't love and support you, you will find it in other ways. You'll have there will you'll be you'll be able to get through it. Just please don't put your happiness second for anybody. You will always still love and respect your parents. Some will come around, some might not, but there are stories out there which I have now read and it you will be okay. Just please, you've got one life. Just choose yourself and choose happiness. >> And what's next for Sroa? >> Oh Lord, what's next for SOA? God, I don't know what's next for me. I just I'm excited that all that I know is there's an excitement in me. It's almost like that falling in love excitement. I have that in me cuz I'm falling in love with life all over again. So I don't know what that's going to bring, but there's definitely such a happiness, such a I've just got a new just I see everything so differently. Thank you so much for coming on the podcast. I've honestly had the best time. I have one last question. >> Okay. >> Do you think love is blind? >> 100%. I went in there blindly. I went with my heart. I did not use a tick box and I fell in love. >> It's been such a pleasure to like watch you on the show and also to be able to speak to you in real life as well. But yeah, I just really appreciate you coming on. Thank >> you. Thank you for having me. Yay.