Dali, welcome to the podcast. >> I was really looking forward to this chat and I feel like we've had a mini podcast just before like chatting up. >> Yes. >> But it's really great to have you here because you are the mom of Sroa. Sroa who featured on Love is Blind season 2, Love is Blind UK season 2. >> Yeah. And maybe before we get into our chat, it'd be great for me to set the scene for viewers who haven't watched Love is Blind, which is a show where single men and women get to date sight and scene in pods and then eventually if they have a liking for each other, they decide to get engaged and that's when the big reveal happens and they go on getting engaged or actually going on holiday, meeting family and friends and eventually deciding whether to marry or not. And your daughter Sorova participated in that. Yes, she did. >> And the reason we have you here today because you came out as the mother of the show. I want to say you were the rock eventually. And I feel what was really really interesting from a viewer's perspective is that it felt that the lens of the audience kind of shifted from maybe if I may picturing you as an intense mother for depicting SOA's messages about you sending her endless messages about this potential match and then I felt like it shifted to understanding you as a mother. >> Yes. >> That you were Sro's rock and you had her back. >> Yes. So can we go back to the beginning? How was your whole experience with Sorroa being on the show? >> Firstly, I don't watch reality TV. >> So this was new to me. When Sroa explained that I'm going to try this experiment, gave me some dates and said, "Mom, I probably won't meet anyone, >> right? >> But it'll be something that she wants to try." So, she's old enough and I understand and respect her decisions. >> So, it was okay. She's gone and here's a date in my diary and we will hear back from her. And when we first hear back from her, um it was, "Mom, I'm engaged to be married." And we had just two weekends before a wedding. >> Okay. >> Find a dress, find outfits, get ready. But they were doing majority of the planning anyway. So in the traditional sense of when the whole family will prepare and participate in a wedding, we didn't have any of that. So it was a whirlwind for us say emotionally to understand and be part of this. So it was massive. >> Mhm. >> What was your reaction when she dropped you that text? Mom, I'm engaged. Cuz you did say you didn't believe that maybe it would actually materialize into something and she was just going to be a participant in an experiment. What was your actual reaction? Were you were you were you somehow happy like, "Oh, my daughter found someone or was it more like I can't believe this is happening. She only met that person." >> Yeah, I I was happy. >> Okay. >> Because that's what she was going to the experiment for, to meet someone. And the aim of the show is to find someone to connect with at a deeper level. That's through all the questions and through all the conversations and it is to get married. So on one side of it, I was very happy to hear that she's met somebody. Then it was suddenly she's engaged to get married and the the timeline was so tight that >> for that part of it that for any parent that's listening to us they would understand the timeline two weekends it was very short that's >> the emotions on the back of that for for me first time around I couldn't even explain them My daughter's getting married and it's my first child getting married. >> Right. >> I think in a normal world in in a normal dating world itself, you will be taking your time to get to know the person. So this is all >> of course >> accelerated magnified. So I can only imagine your reaction. What was interesting watching the show was that Srova talked about obviously you not being particularly happy or perhaps suggesting that she takes her time and my read of it was that you would have been happy that she met someone but maybe she could have come off the show and date in the real world and get to know each other better. >> Yes. >> So there was that particular part where obviously we could sense your concern as a mother. >> Yes. Yes. And then we saw the scene where you got to meet her match Cal. >> Yes. >> And it sounded like it happened pretty quickly, as in your approval happened very quickly, which I'm sure wasn't the case because that's the beauty of editing. >> Can you walk us through what really happened behind the scenes? >> So, um, when we met Cal, we actually had a dinner. So, we spent about 2 to three hours >> all of us talking together, which was really nice. So the the cameras were there and so once the cameras had gone, we actually stayed there longer, me, my youngest daughter, S and Cal, >> and we got to talk and have lots of conversations, which was really nice. Um, so we did ask lots of questions. Cal did answer quite a lot for me. >> Mhm. In the actual show, it looks as though he didn't give me much about what he liked about Server or what was it about my daughter. It seemed so short >> and then my blessings come through very quickly. No, it wasn't like that at all. Let me correct that. There was a lot more that we talked about and he shared and Stroa had input in there as well. I do remember I think my youngest daughter was saying quite a bit in there as well as to listening and asking a lot of questions right rightly so as a younger sister she was doing the questions as well asking lots of questions >> and it was after that then I gave the blessings once I knew that he'd answered quite a lot of my questions and they both sounded very confident that they truly feel this was right for them >> and And that's all I needed to know that they truly felt this was right for them and they're going to give this 100%. >> Right? >> And that's when I felt at peace and yeah, this feels right and I'm happy for them. That's like any parent would want to hear from both of their children. When I say both, I saw them both as my children at that point cuz they're both sat there >> wanting to get married. >> Is it more that you trusted him as a person or you trusted Sro's choice and decision? trusted Srover's choice and decision and then I trusted the person that sat there in front of me asking for my daughter's hand in marriage. >> Bali, you were so dignified in that reunion episode and I did wonder like we don't get to see all of it but you were very graceful, very composed and you had Sro's back and there was a ticular scene when Sroa said mom don't go on because I start crying. What did you really go through watching obviously the conversation between the two of them and it sounded like they hadn't maybe had a proper catchup since the breakup but you were sat there backing your daughter but then telling this man who had hurt your daughter it's okay she'll be fine she'll move on she's doing okay >> I thought that was really graceful and really strong as a mother and that really touched me >> yes I had a lot I had a lot more to say that that wasn't shown own. >> Mhm. >> It was It was very hard. That was the first time I had seen Cal since the message in January, but which but which he hadn't come back to us at all. Like with any any any sort of situation where you feel something's changing or you're changing your mind, you discuss things. You have a conversation. Whether it's with Serva or he wanted to reach out to us, me Sroa's mom or anybody in the family, he didn't do any of that. So this is the first time we are seeing him and you've just broken off a marriage that you chose to go into of your free will and you came to the family and you took time out to spend time with the family knowing that the spark that you had at the wedding had long gone which is something he had messaged to me. Oh, he told you that. >> He did. He he messaged that and that is what he had said in his message. And then to carry on going into Christmas, spending more time with her other relatives. >> You don't do that because you you're building a bond. You're connecting more with family that Srova has who are >> encroaching on personal space. >> You are and they're close to her. So to me, none of that made sense. So then to finally see him as any mother or any parent to be that calm it was it was very difficult because you are very wrong. You've broken my daughter's heart. You've been it's violating all of ours. Our trust in you in giving you that love and care and support and then you just walk away without that just even respect. None of you gave nothing. So it was very hard and SA came through those months. It takes time of course >> to heal to accept what's happened and then who is there? It's your family and your close friends >> and that's who that's who picks you up again. It's not anyone else outside. So she was working on herself doing all of that and that took several months. But that pain to watch all of that pain, it was heartbreaking. So to see Cal sitting there and he was stretched out on that on that sofa and watching my daughter, you know, in that corner like she didn't want to be there. >> That was a struggle to see that. And I don't think he he noticed for SA how hard it was >> cuz she had gone into this with her heart. You can see her heart was purely in there with him, >> but he he didn't flinch. >> For any I'm going to say normal human being, >> any acknowledgement to just be humble. Just be humble. >> It would have shown even me watching him on stage. It would have shown. It would have been just decency of course. >> Yeah. because I could see just I mean everybody could see that Stro would sat to her side all the way through. >> It was uncomfortable to watch but she held herself so well because by that time August she was a lot more stronger. She'd worked on herself through healing doing lots of things where it's calming for her rebuilding herself. That's why she was able to sit there and that's why I said that she will be okay. she is okay. She's come through this with, you know, grace, strength, and that's what I was trying to say. But I think when I was saying that was touching her heart and the her tears were going to come through and I think she didn't want to start crying on stage like, "Mom, please don't say anymore." But it was being it was my heart reaching out to hers. And I felt >> Yeah. very emotional. It must have taken you a lot because you could see the bond between the two of you while being sat distance apart and I couldn't help think of you know while thinking about our conversation today I did think of my mom and it's interesting how we women grow older and you know what I said to you on during our exchange on Instagram before as we connected for this for this episode >> um I am of a similar age group to your daughter I couldn't help think I'm a mom and it is true now that I'm navigating the dating world and you know I I would love to have your take maybe on what you think on modern dating but there are a few things like being ghosted for instance like that wasn't a thing before and my mom is my mom is a very strong woman and she's very ruthless when it comes to me cuz my brother's married my sister my twin just got married >> and if someone's treated me badly >> in her mind she would have ruled out that person for me and she may not tell me because even if I am slightly defending of that person. She would be telling my twin, "No, I don't like how he's treated her." And my mom's got like almost like this virtual safety blanket, which is that lioness. >> You just can't. >> I know. It's it's it's it's just something you can't explain. >> When you think about modern dating and and you're watching your own daughter having gone through a marriage, but hopefully when she feels ready, she might be back to the dating world or not. >> Yes. >> But what's your take on dating these days? for everyone out there. It is very hard. >> Mhm. >> I just feel that everyone should be just honest, men and women. >> You know, there's a certain age now. The more time they're ghosting and swiping left and right. Why? Why are they wasting time? If it's not for you, please just let that man and woman move on to the person who's aligning with them, who's true for that person. and don't waste their time. >> Mhm. >> It doesn't make sense. Why do they do that? >> Mhm. >> And there's so many youngsters out there. I mean, I'm getting so many DMs on my Instagram. It was never at the numbers I mean to the levels that they're at now, >> right? >> And after what Stro has gone through, parents are reaching out. Even youngsters have reached out and they're all they're all struggling. M >> it's not easy for them. You know, everyone wants to go out there and find somebody that they want to connect with. They want to build a life and be happy. They just want to be happy and travel and have a great journey, but you just get the a person out there just isn't giving them honesty. If the honesty isn't there, where's the trust? How can they build something that's got substance? >> Mhm. >> Why? Why? Why are people not doing that? what what is this? You know, 6 months down the road, 3 months down the road, or 12 months, and it wasn't real. And then when somebody's messaging, they've got somebody else lined up because Instagram's there. They've got different apps available. The options are numerous out there. But the more they're doing that, there's more and more confusion. >> So, what is everyone Yeah. What is everyone trying to do? M >> are they working with one person building on what they like about each other, the strengths? >> Mhm. >> Everyone just needs to like pause and rethink. If someone's not right for you, tell them early on. Don't waste time. Don't waste time. >> Mhm. >> We we both mentioned the word ghosting and I feel like it's such an emotional cruelty. It is >> to ghost someone because what that means is that you as a person, >> you have within you the power >> to maybe liberate someone and take them out of the misery. >> Yes. >> But choosing to leave someone in a position of unclarity and leaving them in a state of debilitation and having to figure out what did I do wrong >> is so cruel. >> It's a form of mental abuse. I mean, I'm a firm believer of great communication. I'll communicate with people to be honest, talk things through, and that's that's another form of ghosting when people don't want to communicate back with you, and you and you wonder, but why not? >> Mhm. >> What's there to hide about, talk things through, and move on. We've got to move on in life. Life is so short, and everyone talks about life is short, but I think people are just saying it, just words. If you actually truly believe that, then there'll be a lot more communication. People just talk things through >> and move on. >> Cuz that's where peace is. Peace is not through ghosting and leaving people with like you said confusion or no clarity. >> Mhm. >> And that that is giving people that is that is mental abuse. >> I was speaking to my therapist about this a couple of weeks ago. >> Yes. And he he raised a really good point because with ghosting, it's suddenly a question of mourning the loss and the memories that you've spent with that person. >> Yes. >> But also giving up on the idea or the fantasy of what life could have been. So you suddenly mourning >> the loss of the past, >> but of what the future could have been. And Ashley was here a few weeks back and we recorded an episode together because we were talking about closure and I was telling her >> I had come across this really great podcast of me Robbins and she talked about how if someone doesn't give you closure then it's up to you to close that chapter yourself and it was really interesting that I spoke to her like a few weeks about it and now I had to recently deal with a situation myself. I'm like here you go Gemma you can apply your own preachings to yourself. But it's true because >> in life we're going to come across so many people >> and it's not about other people because if they can't if they're not going to understand and they're not going to have that wisdom or knowledge what we've just talked about >> what does one do? How do we then give ourselves that closure to move on? >> Because the other party or people, they're not going to do that. So then it comes back to ourselves >> because we want to move on gracefully, move on with strength, >> want to be elevated in life. So what we do is we just turn back inwards >> and we just block out that noise. >> We don't need that noise. So we come back to ourselves and that everyone needs that time to go through that healing to accept whatever that situation is. Once we accept that situation, everything starts to calm down within us. And it's all down to be it's all within us. >> It calms down. And once that calms down, so whether we go for long walks, whether we sit with ourselves and meditate >> or whether it's through great mentors, >> true. >> Whether it's through going it's talking with good family members, friends, just But it's got to be positive people. And we know who the positive friends and positive family members are. That's very important. And that's when we go through that healing journey. So I would never say rush. We can't rush that through. When somebody says to you move on. >> No, we have to take take that time out >> to heal. And meditation, breathing work, it it does wonders for our soul, for oursel. And then from that it's amazing how then the steps we go we take forward it just it's like the universe the energy the vibration just realigns us and then what attracts to us it's not because we're we're asking it's just coming towards us and great people great energies just start to realign with us and it's amazing because >> we're seeing that through SAS that the the pain that she went through and where she is today, her journey is still unfolding and it's amazing to see that. >> Mhm. But it's also the kind of energy she's now putting out out there. It will attract similar energy. >> Yes. >> Mhm. >> And that's that's a true message for many people that are going through any struggles, challenges like we talked about, you know, mental illness from like abuse or any other situation. I mean, I get so many DMs and messages and it is it's taking time out to accept and heal and then working with oneself. It's all about ourselves because we can't wait for other people to understand or make sense of like we said >> closure or communication. Not everyone's going to understand. >> Many will because they want to evolve. They want to grow, which is great when people do, but how many can we teach if they're not going to communicate with us? >> You can't force someone to communicate. >> Can't can't do it. >> Mhm. >> Yeah. >> Bali, I heard you mention on a different podcast that you got married at the age of 16 into your own community and you've been very open about this. It was then a divorce and since you've remarried, there was a beautiful part in that podcast where you talked about Srova helping you out with your dress or your outfit. >> Yes. >> As you're watching Suva go through this journey of finding love and potentially maybe hopefully she still wants it maybe to marry or remarry one day. What do you think would be your advice for her as a mother who got married so young? >> Yes. but then rediscovered herself differently through a different marriage. >> Yes. >> What's your take on love and marriage today? >> Back in my time, our parents having traveled from India into this country, they had different um ways of believing what is success for them. Marrying their children off was a huge success for them into good families. So they married their children off at a young age. Hence I got married at 16 and that was an arranged marriage. So going through that journey in different families and seeing the dynamics I've I've gone through huge amounts leaps and bounds to see so much but I see it from both sides then that generate generational cycle there's a lot of conversation still to be had on those um topics. >> Mhm. So my advice and guide guidance to Sver is communication is massive and emotional empathy. >> Mhm. >> Has to be in a relationship because communication that's like the engine and it's best fueled with empathy because that's where you have then the trust, forgiveness and growth. Do you think marriage is picking the same person over and over again but through forgiveness? >> Picking the same person over and over again. >> In what way? >> Feel like marriage you do have your ups and downs. Yes, >> but it's also a testament of how much are we are you willing to forgive and let go and obviously there are boundaries. Now that that's a huge topic in itself um because many people will have gone through different um challenges, situations. So at what point do they continue to forgive >> through which examples >> and boundaries as well? Um so everyone's situation is is unique to them. M >> so for any person in any marriage you have to have open honest communication where there's um that line of communication you can you can get through anything in life but both partners have to be honest with each other even emotional conversations if that's not there where's your foundation >> if that respect isn't there. Where are your boundaries? >> How many times can you forgive? Where's that selfrespect? So, it works both ways. There has to be that foundation. >> For any marriage to work, a marriage can't work if the partners aren't aligned. >> Let me ask you this question. >> Yes. Do you think when you look at us young women in our 30s, some people would say, well, you should have done it in your 20ies. Obviously, there's who does everyone has their own timeline. I get that. But do you and generally I'm asking this question. Do you really think all the good guys are taken? >> I don't believe so. Because what I'm seeing is even those men in their 20ies, they don't want to get married either. They still want to live life and they're getting into their getting into their 30s, mid30s >> until they're looking to settle from what I'm seeing. >> Mhm. >> Correct me if that's what you're seeing. I I love to think that's the case. Marty sometimes I mean on a very like on a joking and like note but sometimes like we do question them we are like are all the good guys ticking because to your point yes the good guys want to wait maybe till the 30s and they don't want to settle in their 20s but then >> yes >> the guys in the 30s have I guess the advantage of being able to date the women in the 20s as well right >> right >> I think that's where I'm coming from >> but Remember now each age group the maturity level >> is different >> is very different. >> So we hear a lot of this where you got older men wanting to date younger women but they forget >> that the the evolution of maturity sets in at different age groups. So I'm I would say go for it. But the thing is, they're not going to get that maturity or that wise conversations or intellect because everyone's got different age groups. >> The 20-year-olds will be enjoying their 20-year-old company. What will they be doing will be different to somebody's in their 40s. >> So, when somebody hits 40s, they'll get to their 50s at some point or 60s. So, it's balancing it all out. Everyone's got to be looking at what energy they've got and what will they be like when they hit to a certain age. It's doing the right thing >> and being honest. >> What's going to align with them? >> I mean, I'm going to be honest with you. >> I know what I like doing. I mean, I'd love my skydiving, hiking. I've got that energy. So, I've got to be looking at somebody who it could be in their 50s or 60s, 40s. It doesn't matter about the age. They've got to have the right energy. The they've got to be sporty. >> It can't be someone just wants to be more like sitting down or just being homely because they won't want to be walking around a lot or hiking or mountains >> because that's strenuous, isn't it? So, you've got to look at somebody who has the right energy to align with you. >> So, again, numbers, they're just numbers. Age is numbers. So, we can't discriminate that either. It's being sensible, >> right? Mhm. >> It has to be sensible. So for everybody looking at their partner, it's look at the right age group for what are you looking at in energies as well. >> And then again, we've got the thing about the body clocks as well, haven't we? Yes. >> Yes. >> It's a reality. I get that. But you can't force someone to just marry someone or forget marriage or just to get with someone because you want to have a baby. It doesn't make sense. >> No, not at all. Thing is like >> And a baby's for life. Exactly. Like we're saying, when you're working on yourself, you're already sending out the right energy >> and the right person is meant to be in your life. They will somehow move towards you. That energy will attract them to you. And life is a journey. >> Honestly, from the age of like from when we were born to the age of 16 to when I got married, that has still been a journey. It's still a journey that I'm going through. And and I'm I'm going to say to you, many people still say the same. Life is an endless journey till the day we move out of this life, out of this earthly life. It's continuous journey. It's infinite. >> So where do we draw the where do we draw these lines? Where do we draw? I think this is a very uplifting message to so many women watching this because >> I know when I threw out that question there it was a bit of a funny observation like are the good guys taken but >> it is unfortunate and sad sometimes to listen to women almost think of it as life is over because we haven't found the right partner at this age and it was interesting watching someone else talk about a journey of miscarriage And >> that person is in their late 30s. >> And while everyone was really understanding and was very warm and positive about her putting out her journey so much like in such a vulnerable way, there were still a few comments out there about how well this is why you should be having a kid in your 20ies. And you'll still have some people not understanding that everyone's journey is different. So, it's really uplifting like hearing you talk about it in such a way because I know there are so many men and women going through similar phases of life. It shouldn't be a huge worry because I mean I had my children in my 20s >> but I remember parents at the school some had their children they were in their late 30s and 40s >> and because they either had they were busy in their careers right >> there's there's not I'm going to say it's not there's no not a right or a wrong there isn't >> there's no right or wrong as to what point we do I've had friends I've had children in their late 40s amazing Mhm. >> Because their other children had got to a certain age and they're like in their like late 15s or 16s and some had another child and I thought it was amazing because you kind of miss having that little baby cuz your children are so much older. >> So people do have children later years too. So it's not just oh in your 20ies only people having them in their 40s. It has hap it does happen. >> So I know that it happens. So um it's what is meant to be for someone. It will happen. >> It will happen. I mean I remember when I got divorced it was scary with my three children thinking oh how will I do this on my own? I was known as a husband and a wife. There's two of you to run a family to manage a household all of that. >> However looking at life we can do it. >> And I did do it. We can we have that strength and where does that come from that energy we have to have that confidence in ourselves >> and I've become very spiritual with time and I re actually I've realized that I was always spiritual but I probably neglected it or put it to the side and maybe over time going back to my mom >> yes >> I was telling my sister quite recently like I connect with my dad over literature politics economics like we love talking world affairs. >> Yes. >> And with my mom, I've realized that I connect with her over spirituality. >> Amazing. >> Like I'm becoming my mom. >> Amazing. You're so sweet. >> And and and I was thinking about this the other day. My mom said to me, my mom said to me, I know it's really hard sometimes, and bear in mind, my mom, so I was in a very uh long relationship in my 20ies, like over seven, eight years, okay? >> And it was the kind of relationship where everyone expected us to get engaged and get married, and then it didn't happen. But it went from me actually choosing to finally cause unhappiness, unhappiness to people around me because everyone loved us being together and choosing my own happiness. Okay. >> So my mom went from being this mom who really wanted me to be with this person because she she she liked that person and she thought we were perfect together. >> Becomes an expectation, isn't it? >> Exactly. To understanding that I was not happy and at times like I would break down and cry with my mom. >> Sorry to hear that. >> Thank you. And then my mom, it's been really interesting watching my mom grow in a way from accepting that if she isn't happy like what's the point? >> And now when I connect with my mom over spirituality, my mom recently said to me like I know it's hard at times. >> Yes. >> But the fact that you sometimes gets frustrated, it's almost like you're questioning God's like the universe plans for you. because she said like if you're getting frustrated and you're getting annoyed or getting annoyed as why it's not happening, it's almost like you're questioning what God or like the universe has in store for you. And she's like just let it let it go like it will happen. If it's meant to be, it will happen. >> And I thought that was so beautiful. >> And it is so true. Like I said earlier, through the dark times, challenges and pain, >> it's amazing how just give that bit of time, what comes out on the back of that, but only if you give yourself time. Give yourself time >> to go through that healing period. >> And it's not about blame and constantly anger. >> Mhm. If we're staying in that anger and blame, then it's just all negative and it suppresses and keeps people sad. >> But if we can change that and move to move forward and to grow, >> then you're looking at the positive. Because what I've learned through my journey is with everybody who's gone through any situation, and we're going to say it's negative because that's where the pain comes from, a negative situation. >> Everyone, everyone has gone through something. They've gone through some trauma. They've gone through some situation. For them to have gone through a certain path and then there's a domino effect. And a lot of it comes back from like what our parents went through and what their parents went through that goes back through different generations. So different generations carry different weights of fear, pain. >> Mhm. And those that seeps through to our parents onto ourselves, our age group. >> Mhm. >> And then some of those fears have gone on to our children. And no, no, no one's sort of breaking that generational cycle. >> So you and my mom are >> Yeah. Oh, we we have to >> Mhm. >> We have to. If we don't if we didn't do this then so many children are still going to be doing the same. And sadly there are pockets around that I am aware of that you know extended families living together. There's so much still going on in those families. It's not broken those cycles. >> And yet these are children of my children's age groups. And we want to have broken those and allow our children to be more independent. Allow them to have their own minds that are thinking because they're great children. They've got everything in this world to learn from, to grow. But sometimes because of us as parents and our parents, we tend to still want to filter them because we had those fears or what we think should happen and it does seep through. that domino effect does happen. And you know in so many families it'd be great if children can be be allowed to be open and the parents can start understanding there's so much trauma out there and it's carried on and we need to help and break that down >> and I think that was quite reflective in Sro's journey particularly because K for viewers who haven't watched Love is Blind is from a Pakistan British Pakistani heritage. Yeah, >> British Indian heritage and she didn't give that much importance. Maybe that's my read of it. It didn't seem to have so much of an influence of it didn't seem to have so much influence over her decision >> and I would like to ask the question, did that matter to you? It didn't because in our family 36 years ago, one of my aunties married a German and that was my uncle and they've got two children. >> That was 36 years ago and my parents were the first to accept that and be okay with this. Many families didn't >> and but since that time, like I was saying before, we've got such mixed marriages. We've got a lot of religions mixed into the marriage, >> Europeans, other countries, it's all there. So for us, >> it wasn't an issue. >> That's why Stro >> didn't >> didn't bring it up. >> Mhm. >> However, Cal kept bringing it up and yet he's more he's more British than he is his Pakistani heritage. >> It didn't make sense. Did he want it sound like he wanted to spin a story line, >> but that wasn't in the particular case. Correct. >> Because you were quite accepting. >> Yeah. Because we're never discriminated because I mean I've >> I wouldn't say brought up but over time >> to understand there's only there is only one God or in this universe the energy. We're we're beings. So I I respect >> every religion because it's humans and I love I love all the stories I get to learn. >> Mhm. >> Whether it's Buddhism or it's Christianity or it's Hinduism, seekism, that's my religion, they're all beautiful peace >> and Islamic is it's all there and they've got beautiful journeys in them. And what do they all lead? They're just different paths teaching us all the same that there's only one universal power. There's one God. >> And it's just um giving people that that hope and understanding of finding inner purity within themselves to be good people, kind, compassionate. That is it. So for me, I'm not going to discriminate. I think it comes back to your point of you can raise your kids but allow them to have freedom of choice. >> Correct. >> And at the end of the day, no matter how you bring up a child at home, he or she is going to be influenced by external factors once he or she starts calling and have friends and >> yes, >> go out and step out in the real world and you won't be able to control that much. And I do think about it the day I have kids, would I want to raise them a certain way? I guess yes, but I can't impose. And it's different things that have actually raised the questions. You know, my sister and I, we have this chats or when I whenever I've been out in in a dating context, I do ask the question like, how will I react if my child were to come out and say, "Mom, um, I'm actually gay or like, mom, I'm actually attracted to someone of the same of the same gender." Like, I do ask myself those questions. And I guess like I am quite accepting of what that could be like. >> Yeah. >> But can you imagine having that conversation like decades ago? >> You wouldn't even think, right? >> It probably it probably has existed before. It's just that people never spoke >> Mhm. >> spoke about the topic. However, now that we've got social media and there's more conversations, look how normal it is today. Mhm. >> It's normal just like any anyone else we're talking about. It's normal. >> Mhm. >> Yes. And I know there are people out there that my friends as well and it's not even a conversation to have. It's it's okay. >> Mhm. >> It's okay. I've got great friends and they're the best friends. >> I know. Yeah, they are. >> So, again, we're we're all human. >> Why would it be Why would anyone want anything different? M >> it just it just makes us think we're all human. >> Yeah. >> And if your child is happy, that's their life. Now, we're so blessed to be able to bring a child into this world, give life. So many I'm going to say millions. I'm looking at the world here. Millions of people, thousands out there probably can't conceive and they go through so many challenges. So when we can conceive or have a child that that is a blessing, it's a gift. But a child is not then to be controlled or it's or be a possession. They're not. M >> so as a a privilege to be a parent, shouldn't we be just um guide them, be a teacher to them? Like they go to school, we're teaching them, teaching them at home. We're giving them a foundation of kindness, love, respect, how to be respectful, how to be human, to respect all. We're just giving them those boundaries, aren't we? Foundations. So they know how to be when they go out go out into the big big wide world how to be a human. >> It shouldn't be like conditioned. It shouldn't be oh you know you have to be like this because it's my expectation because I came from a different generation. >> Mhm. >> This child's going to grow up in a different generation. We're different just like the digital world right now. I remember a typewriter back in the day when I was growing up. Very different to the next generation today. So we have to be looking at that everything keeps evolving. Allow the children to evolve with that time. >> This is such a humbling message and I guess my last question on this topic would be >> as I mentioned to you I'm originally from the island of Russia so there will be so many immersions watching you because they do watch love is blind and I had suggestions to have like s actually I had someone I would probably share the message with you. I had a friend of mine who meant who saw my interview with Ashley and was like, "You need to have Serva on." And I said, "Amazing. Wouldn't it be interesting to have actually Serva's mom on?" That was my exchange with her. And she's like, "Try it." So, I'm going to send her a screenshot eventually and say it happened. >> Yes. >> I I I tend to hear from my friends like my South Asian friends from here. Yes. that because you are the first immigrant generation parents that you would have come to the UK with expectations of raising your kids in a certain way as in it feels to me or at least from what I've heard which is why it' be interesting to have your take on this that parents in India tend to be a bit more liberal while parents in the UK really want to hold on and preserve those traditions and customs which is what matters a bit more than for instance the cultural preferences when it comes to dating or the way the kids are raised. Is that something you've observed? And >> that's interesting you say that. It's like with our parents here and the families that are all here, they I I felt that they've stuck to traditions a lot more in their communities. Whereas when we go on holiday back to India, they do seem more liberal. I I've always felt why. >> So you do you do sh I've noticed that >> interesting >> and I've never never really got to understand why. >> That's what my friends told me. And the reason I bring that up because when I draw the parallel to Maitius for instance, so my sister got married to an English guy. >> Yes. >> And so my brother-in-law is English. And >> on my dad's side, our family is very mixed like different nationalities, different ethnicities. On my mom's side, it's been a bit more conservative. So my sister the first one who got married to someone non to a non-Reian >> but as I look at my circle of friends um interracial or mixed marriages are very common but interestingly to draw the parallel to that point I just raised in it feels like when you leave away from micious we tend to be a bit more liberal while when we go back or at least that's my observation it's more inter community you probably know every other mian on the island um perhaps our parents have more of cultural preferences when it comes to marriages and dating. So I thought it was quite interesting when my South Asian friends mentioned it being the other way around and I thought I'll I'll have your take on this. >> Yes. Because if we were more liberal like certain say communities then Stro wouldn't have felt so much expectation on her >> cuz she did mention them. She did mention that >> and I wouldn't have felt >> certain certain expectations or certain families how what was passed down to me. I wouldn't have had certain parts of me still feeling that as much as I'm very western with my daughters and there are so many families and so across the country that they are experienced exactly the same and probably to a higher level of having those cultural sort of restrictions >> not so much independence with their children. That's why so many conversations need to be more open and honest for their own children. It's not about everyone else outside of their home and that's been a lot of that's been happening >> and it still probably happens to this day in many many families. There are so many stories that we hear. So it's you know we get the messages coming through. So that's why I can base this and say this >> um even in countries abroad there'll be pockets still that are very traditional but in the cities very liberal >> amazing I mean they have evolved a lot more than certain parts of or pockets of the country here >> and that's where it surprises me honestly it really does >> right well Bali on that interesting observation and us sharing our takes on this thank you so much for taking the time and being here with me. It's been really nice talking to you. Um, you've got such like a warm fuzzy energy. >> Thank you. Thank you for having me. It's been lovely. Lovely to meet you as well, Gemma. It's been nice talking to you. Thanks, B. Thank you.