What is up, daddy gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper, with Call Her Daddy. >> Lucy Hail, welcome to Call Her Daddy. >> Thank you. >> I am so happy that I'm finally meeting you. >> I This is happening. We're here. >> We're here. >> It's I was just saying your room is exactly how I thought it would make me feel. >> Cozy. >> This is so great. Thank you for having >> Cozy. You also just told me that your mom is a fan of color daddy. So I'm immediately like bow down, mama. Hey, >> hi Julie. Yeah, I was talking to her last night and she was just like, "How's your jet lag? What are you doing tomorrow?" I was like, "I'm actually doing a podcast." And she goes, "Which one?" Said, "Call her daddy." She goes, "I love call her daddy." I was like, "Mom." She She knows. She knows all the cool things. She actually like keeps me young. >> I love that for you. And I love that for me because a mother liking the show is the highest compliment. So hello, Julie. >> You're doing so many things, right? I want to go back to the beginning because I feel like obviously we've seen you on television, but maybe there are people that are like, "Where are you from? I don't know you." So, >> who are you? >> Who are you, Lucy? Let's get into >> I'm still figuring it out. >> Yeah. >> So, obviously you moved to LA super young, but you grew up in Memphis, Tennessee. >> I did. >> Can you talk to me about like what were you like as a child? I lived in Tennessee till I was 15 >> and kind of split a lot of my time with my mom who was in Memphis and my dad who lived in Mississippi. >> Um, very simple upbringing like two hardworking parents. My dad's a farmer. My mom was a nurse. Um, I was a very um sensitive child. I still consider myself a a sensitive gal. um which I now view as like a a good thing. But growing up, you know, you're I was having I just felt like very emotional and very kind of misunderstood, which is I think why I wanted to become an entertainer because I felt like, oh, what an amazing outlet for me to ultimately be anyone other than myself. So, I think um you know, as a kid, I was having all of these thoughts and I just needed um a place to put all these feelings and so I started taking singing lessons and acting lessons and >> um my mom and I moved to California when I was 15 and I never left. So, I've been here 19 going on 20 years. >> Can you talk a little bit about that of like feeling misunderstood? Like give me an example. I think, you know, whether I was misunderstood or not, who really knows? But in my little sensitive child brain, I was like, I felt like an alien. I felt like an alien amongst my friends. I felt like an alien in my family sometimes. And I don't I can't really pinpoint like the moment in my life where that all started happening. But I I do remember having a feeling um at a very young age of being like I think in this life like I have myself and we're we're gonna have to get through it >> by myself. I don't know where that came from. I had no idea. But um you know I I I felt like being artistic and being emotional. I couldn't really find a good friend group growing up. And I think that that's where that feeling of being misunderstood started. Um I I do consider myself really introverted actually which is like people are always surprised to say that because of my job which is like very extroverted but um my job makes me feel really uncomfortable sometimes and um and I think that being an actor it's I'm hiding behind a veil of something like the last couple years of my life because of my job and like finding success pretty early on and doing all these things. I I didn't get a chance to figure out who I actually was. >> And if I did, I didn't really like who I was. So, I was like running away from myself for so long. >> Yeah. >> For so long. And so, >> the last couple of years, I think, and this is to tie it back around, I think I was feeling so misunderstood by a lot of people for so long because I didn't understand myself. How can other people understand you if you have no idea who you are? It's so interesting you say that because when I started dating my now fiance >> I like grew up in Pennsylvania, I looked at actors like gods and I thought that they had the best lives in the world. And my fianceé being a producer, like I started to talk to him about the industry more and he was like, I have a lot of empathy for actors because what people don't see on the other side of it is like we fall in love with you and your character of like who you play on a certain TV show or whatever it is or in a movie, >> but what you guys are dealing with is like you're handed a script that you're told to like get into character of this person and you can really lean in, but like there's a lack of like autonomy of like >> actually having control in a lot of these ways. So people are falling in love with something that like >> you tried to bring to life, but it's also not you. So it's like kind of a weird thing of like >> It is weird. It is weird. And then also being a part of something that lasted for so long and being a part of that while I was figuring out who I was, I was like, I don't even am I this character or am I me? like and and then seeing people fall in love with this experience and fall in love with that character. I'm like, well, maybe I should be more like this character because I don't I don't really know who I am. And I can only obviously speak from my my experience. But I do find that a lot of actors feel similar in the sense of like I think we fall into this line of work because we're we're kind of filling some sort of void. It's like on some level we're we're all like a little broken or like a little or a lot insecure. In my case, I was like, I think this is going to make me feel like I'm whole if all these people like me and I book these jobs and I look a certain way and um does it temporarily feel great? Hell yeah. I'm not going to lie. Like it does feel great. I love my job. I love certain aspects of it. >> But that doesn't fix what's broken in you and it makes it worse. I was going to say it's almost like you can like hide even more behind it and also go down a trail of like I can imagine you're so young and you're like is this my personality? Like am I like this? Like do I like this type of man? Like >> I was even dressing like the character off camera. And of course I'm like you know I I started that when I was 20 years old. So >> but still like I would be up being like first I also want to know because obviously Memphis is so wildly different than Los Angeles. And so before you move, at what age did your parents get divorced? >> I think I was four. And I have very vivid memories of like the conversation. Um, >> and somehow knowing at that age that it was a good thing. >> Why did you feel that way? Did you see them fight a lot? >> Yeah. >> Okay. >> Yeah. It wasn't very calm. I think there was a lot of chaos in the house. As we get older, we start to realize like even when you were saying like I was introverted, like I felt misunderstood >> as I've gone through therapy, I'm like so much of why we are the way we are, it's before even peer dynamics, it's like what was happening in your house. >> Well, don't they say that you are who you are between the ages of >> two and five? >> Well, holy crap. Like, you know, like that was when things really blew up. And I think at a very young age that is when like my desire to please everyone started. Like I just wanted everyone to be happy. I wanted mom to be happy. I wanted my dad to be protected. Um I've I've always been like fiercely protective of my dad. And and I think um as a kid you everything is personal. You think everything's your fault. So you're like, "Okay, if I just act a certain way, >> then maybe mommy and daddy will be happy and life will be perfect." And I find that a lot of women feel similar to me in the people pleasing. I think it's holy moly. >> We could do a whole episode on that. >> I mean, and undoing it. I'm in like the process of undoing being a people pleaser because it's so hard for my brain to accept that I can be nice and set boundaries because >> all of my 20s I was like, you know what? If I'm the nicest one, people will like me more. And it's like, well, that's just not that's the abandonment of self. >> So, you're just like, I'll just take it and I'll just be quiet on that or whatever. But then you start to be like, okay, wait, why am I getting taken advantage of like all the time? And it's difficult to like start to do something and go against something that like you have done your whole life the opposite way. >> Yeah. I think at a young age, I I just realized >> I just wanted people to like me. I always felt like >> life would be fine if, you know, everyone was happy and people just accepted me. And I'm like, God, that's sad that at a young age I I felt those things. >> But even you saying like when you're in your house being like, if I'm the peacemaker, like maybe things will calm down. Like I think that's like it can weave into then like your peer dynamics of like you're just like keep the peace, everybody like me. Like I just want to like be here, be quiet, like don't Exactly. It's the quiet thing. >> But I do think it's really relatable, especially I think as women of like >> wanting to be noticed and seen and heard and then also feeling deeply insecure when you are being seen and heard because we're we're basically taught to doubt ourselves. Like it's different with men. Like as girls it's like be polite, sit down, be lady, like be like it's like what am I doing it right? And I think it can create a lot of like division in your brain of like what you want versus like what your natural instinct is which is like and then what society has taught us like of how to be. So I am >> with you on that girl. >> I vividly vividly remember a moment in my life. >> I was upstairs. I was with my karaoke machine. I think I was like singing something from Pink. >> Love it. >> And I remember thinking my life will be different. >> My life is going to be different. I don't belong here. Don't you think that's like a normal human instinct though that like when you're in such a situation like I felt that way with my Catholic school upbringing of like so Catholic every Sunday we had to go to church we had to do this when you're in like a system that is like forcing you to like be a specific way your brain can't help but be like what if I just went that way but you can't help but be like >> like that's it I'm just completely agree I'm just laughing cuz I love Kelly Clarkson and there's that song Break break away. I was like, that was the moment. >> I'm like, we're getting out of here, baby. Like, and we did is what's crazy, right? >> And so this moment, I remember it was like I was sitting on this like crazy shaggy carpet we had upstairs, and I was like, >> "No, we're going to do some things." >> And of course, I didn't know what that meant. I just intuitively knew that I wanted something special and different for myself. Dude, I'm dying thinking of you up in your bedroom like embra. >> Also, I thought I was going to be Kelly Clarkson 2.0. >> Oh, didn't we all? Back to Lucy. >> Anyway, back to uh >> Okay, so you say you moved to LA when you are 15. Okay. And what I read, your mom had to take out her retirement money to get you guys there. >> Did you feel like excited, guilty, pressure? I'm not going to lie, I felt zero guilt, >> but only because I knew it was going to work out. >> Um, I think as time went on, I I did feel a little guilt of what my mom actually sacrificed. >> And I often am like that was truly unhinged that we drove across the country and you, you know, she was a a nurse and she would work nights. to drive me to my auditions during the day and sleep in the car. >> Oh, wow. >> Yeah, she's amazing. My mom moved back to Tennessee when I was 17 cuz by then I was doing little jobs here and there, enough to, you know, go spend my money at Forever 21 and have a shitty apartment. But, but things started moving like relatively >> quickly when we got here. Enough for my mom to be like, "Okay." >> Yeah. But it's also really interesting because when I look back at that experience, it um instead of like if I'm completely transparent, instead of thinking of all the amazing things, which I can now like hold so much gratitude and space for that, I look back on that and I think of all the things that were happening behind the scenes and how I was feeling and the things I was dealing with and the things I was running away from and the pressure of >> being on this show that was so adored by people And and so I think it's it's it's okay for like to hold space for how amazing it was, but also to to know that like that uh was very painful and challenging for me to navigate because I think what was going on behind the scenes were things I would have no doubt dealt with whether I lived in Tennessee, Timbuktu, or LA. I I I know that because like we talked about, >> these things happen when you're a tiny baby child, you know? Totally. >> And so I don't know in on what end of the spectrum it would have been on, but but I do know that um the success and the notoriety and everything happening really amped up ramped up the the intense feelings that I was like desperately trying to shove in that >> emotional baggage trunk. When I hear you saying that too, I feel like which I app I think this is like the beauty of people and I think it's gotten so much better in the past few years of like finally people starting to actually speak about things that they experience. Like I think about Rob Patson and Kristen Stewart for so long not wanting to talk about Twilight and people like because when you have these like beloved projects that we as viewers are just like I love you. We love it. This is perfect. We are obsessed with you girls. We love you all. Are you guys all best friends? Do you guys all love each other? Is everything perfect? There's this like idealization of it that I think as you guys as the characters in it probably feel this responsibility to like smile through and be like we love it cuz you're you're the image like you you are almost responsible for keeping all these like young girls dreams alive of how much they loved the show and you don't want to be like I was struggling while I was doing this >> but you're also a human being and that was your reality and you're talking obviously about how >> there are things going on behind the scenes Mhm. >> Talking. >> Yes. So, I will say that I didn't graduate high school and so that's a little context of, you know, I was emancipated at 17. It's taken me many years, many breakdowns, many experiences to realize what I was actually feeling in those moments. I think any young female, no matter where you are, what you do, you feel pressure. You want to look a certain way. You want to be a certain weight. You like you just want people to accept you and to like you. You want not maybe not everyone. Maybe there are some >> healthier minds mindset liars. Uh but you know, you you want attention from guys. You just want you just want to be liked. Simply put, you want to be liked. And so I before I had even booked I struggled heavily with the eating disorder. Uh >> and like looking back now it's you know I look at a picture and I don't think oh wow like I'm like oh I can tell exactly based off of my weight or what was going on what I was going through at the time. I was not healthy. I was not healthy. And and it, you know, and it makes me sad almost because obviously no one else knew that I wasn't healthy, but to to know that young women were watching this show and and I of course I didn't know who I was yet, but I I just want people to know that that was that's not >> Yeah. I was not in a good place and and so I you know I was dealing with the eating stuff and the food stuff which ultimately um is is just feeling completely out of control. >> Uh once again would have dealt with this no matter what I did for a living but it's kind of >> you know I chose an industry that like >> um >> really heightened all of that for me. Uh yeah, like I have very vivid memories of watching some of the show and being like disgusted as and being like, "Well, we got to stop eating. We got to" and it and it was just because I was overwhelmed. Like I I don't I I'm not sure how I would have done it any differently. like I was doing the best I could and and it did I think like having that kind of control over my body or my weight. It did make me feel good because I was like my life is changing and I don't know where I fit in in this show with these girls. Like I at least I have this one thing that I can control. >> That's interesting. You're like that's the one thing that you knew you were in full control of even if it was unhealthy and hurting you. you were like >> gave me this false sense of security and I held on to that for a really long time. >> Can you talk to me about that because I think that the dynamic of having these beautiful women on set, you yourself included, >> we all compare ourselves. Like I look back to myself in high school and like >> the jealousy of like the girl that I was like, "Oh my god, she's so beautiful. I want to look like her." And like it's just how we are conditioned as women of like who's the prettiest in the group, who's the skinniest, who's the this, like how did you handle that with all all of you being so gorgeous and you're all staring at each other. >> I think at the time I would have told myself like we're not competitive and of course I'm only speaking from me. Of course, there was of course I felt the pressure not to be prettier or to look better, but to like keep up because I did look at Shay and Troy and Sasha and Janelle and Ashley and I was like, >> "What the These are angels amongst me and like do I fit into that?" There was often it was often it was more and people always wanted to pit us against each other. And were we all best friends? No. Yeah. >> Some of us connected, some of us did not. Did we have rough patches? Of course. We were in our 20s. of course, like obviously, >> but like there was always a lot of love. I I feel like But but yeah, there was a lot of nights where I'm like, "Okay, >> I don't know. I don't know how to keep up with this. I don't know if I want to keep up with this. This is" And it like >> would eat away at me. >> Yeah. >> And I don't know how I've actually never talked to them, the other girls about >> this. I don't know if they felt the same way. Um, I also think that it's different now where women are more supportive of each other. I think it's kind of ingrained in us as women. It's like in our DNA that like there can only be one. >> Yep. >> It's >> It's so crazy. And it's not like we've all been conditioned that way. And it's like we can all thrive. We can all >> We can all thrive and look amazing and be amazing and be kind and root for each other. there's enough room. I I just like that sort of mindset of like >> there's not enough for everyone is like the scarcity mindset is very and and and I think there was an element of that on the show because realistically like there were magazine covers they were only choosing one >> and it's that's just human nature. It wasn't that I didn't want to root for them. I did. I love them. I still love them to this day. Like I'm so proud that we maintained a level of like it felt like a family, you know, you don't always vibe with certain family members, but like your family, right? >> Yeah. Yeah. >> But God and I see all these like new shows with young women and I'm I I just I'm like I know I know what it probably feels like, >> right? You were there. Yeah. >> When you >> But it's also that's high school, too, you know. >> No, that's what I >> That was my high school. So crazy. I It gets I get frustrated when I'm not saying people have to be fighting, but like you can tell it's like there's no way on every cast that everyone gets along. Like sure we can glamorize like but we love our show. It's our favorite show. It's like babe if you put five, six, seven girls in a room. Like not everyone's gonna get along. >> Yeah. And I think some of the girls really did connect and bond in a big way. And I and I I've always found it tricky to connect with people because I I like to connect. I like this is why we're vibing because we're talking about like the things I love to talk about. And I >> I just always not only on that show, I've found it trickier to find the people that I want to connect with. And so I would kind of just sit in my little corner and like live in my own world and tell myself, you know, that I was misunderstood. But in reality, it's just certain people connect and certain people don't connect. But I did feel kind of a pre pressure because I remember sometimes reading online that the fans of the show would notice that I wasn't in pictures with certain people. And I think that's where these rumors started of like they don't like Lucy or And it really wasn't that. It was just like I was marching to the beat of my own drum and I didn't >> and I knew >> I knew the perception of it and I maybe knew how it was coming across but I also knew that I wasn't going to force >> Yeah. >> something to happen to >> very similar to what you described as your childhood like >> Exactly. >> You're sitting there feeling misunderstood. You're very in your own head. You're alone. You're emotional, but you're like kind of a loner. You're like, I had maybe like not as many friends and I was kind of like introverted. That doesn't just change cuz you get on a cool set with a bunch of cool chicks and you're like, "Oh my god, we're all famous now." Like, you're still the same Lucy in Tennessee. So, it's like >> that I I appreciate you saying that because I do think a lot of times people are like, "Why can't I be a certain way?" Especially when you're in a room with women maybe that are more outgoing or more clicky and connecting. >> That's just life. >> I think that was it. Yeah. I think I've had to accept that. I just so desperately when I was younger, I wanted to be have a It wasn't even that I wanted to look differently. I wanted to have a different personality. I was like, damn it, why am I not more fun? I always felt like boring and I felt >> like I didn't have a lot to say. I definitely because I didn't graduate high school was like, "Oh, well, I'm not smart. people aren't going to listen to me. I had built like all of these narratives in my head where I was like, "This is the truth. I'm gonna stand by it." >> Which is why, which I'm sure we'll talk about, which is why your girl wanted to drink, right? Because I could be fun. I could be sexy. I could be hysterical. I could be a I could be whatever I wanted to be and my brain shut off. But like undoing all of these narratives that I believed and stood by for so long has been the biggest challenge of my life. Harder than giving up drinking, harder than my career. It's like actually rewiring my brain into believing like >> no, I am smart. I do have that's important that I want to say. >> Yeah. >> Um I am worthy. I am more than >> the way I look. Like all of these things that we tell ourselves and >> I love it now. I love like I have I have an addictive personality, but now I'm like driven by this need to okay, I want to know more about myself. I want to do more. I want to be better. I want to >> understand all I can learn. Yeah. >> No, I I get what you're saying about like which is so hard. And again, I think a lot of women can relate to that of like having something in your head that you believe about yourself. And if you asked your friend or your family member, they'd be like, "What are you talking about?" Yeah. we no like we you're so smart or you're so talented or you're so this what are you it's like we are our own worst enemy and if it goes down too far into like a dark hole like it is just you own it and you believe it and it's like how do you even begin to like unravel that cuz you have to live your day-to-day life you're still going on with your job and your interactions like >> and that's what you're broadcasting to the world energetically I would make myself feel very small and that my ideas didn't matter because if I walked into a room everyone else's ideas were more important than mine. >> Mhm. >> And it had to I think it had to do with this this idea of not feeling smart or feeling like people didn't care. >> Okay. >> Let's talk about you have talked about your journey with sobriety before and I kind of want to just I've never talked about >> alcoholism on caller daddy. I've never talked about struggling with alcohol. I've never talked about I'm the sober cherry popper. You are popping it right now. >> I feel like everyone is talking about wearable tech, but so much of it feels too clunky to me. And when I decide to actually take off my sweatset and put a real outfit on, the last thing I want is a distracting gadget just ruining my gorgeous look. Enter the Aura Ring. The new Aura Ring 4 ceramic is a stylish expression of Aura's smart ring technology. It's sleek jewelry that also tracks over 40 biometrics like sleep, recovery, and stress. Crafted from high performance ceramic, it's comfortable for 247 wear and lasts up to 8 days on a single charge with no screens and no vibrations. The Aura Ring 4 ceramic is seamless whether I'm at a Pilates class or I'm at a dinner meeting. It comes with four colors. Petal, a soft pink, midnight, a deep blue. Tide, a fresh seaf foam, and cloud, a versatile off-white, my favorite. Um, I definitely have my eye also on the petal color. I like to mix it up. Um, I mean, have you seen Color Daddy? The studio is literally all pink. We love that for me. We love a soft little pink. Um, an Aura Ring has been a game changer for me. I will say being able to actually learn about my sleep and stress levels has completely changed the way that I approach my work days. Okay, for a while I was avoiding it and now I'm like, we got to tackle this head on. There is nothing better than functional wearable tech that actually looks great. So, ready to elevate health and style? Learn more at aura ring.com/ cd. That's oaring.comd. Let's go back to the beginning of what age did you like first try alcohol? >> In the womb. No, I'm just kidding. >> My mother >> gave me a little taste of tequila. >> I uh Okay. The first time ever that I tried alcohol or like >> maybe when you started drinking. >> I mean, I will say the first time I ever had alcohol, >> I think it's important to talk about because I was probably 12, 13, and I was in Florida on a vacation. I was like wearing a crop top halter top thing for some reason. And I remember the shirt I was wearing and we drank Green Apple Pucker, which is a a chaser. Anyway, I remember my very first experience with alcohol, >> was exactly how it was when it ended. I blacked out at 12. Blacked out at 12 years old. I couldn't I don't remember what happened. I got very sick. I threw up. And I remember being so distraught when I realized what had happened. And I was like, "Oh my god, my mom is going to be so disappointed in me." like um this is I feel so scared >> right >> and that's at 12 so I didn't start regular of course I drink here and there >> from 12 to 18 but >> um I remember shame every experience after drinking because my drinking was never normal >> right >> I never drank normally and I mean literally every time I drank >> I I wasn't always sloppy blacking out Yeah, >> a lot of the time I was, but I was drinking. It was very clear I was drinking to escape something even at a young age. >> Um, and so I I would say around like age 18 when my mom moved back to Tennessee is when >> it was happening a lot. >> But but I also you're like a teenager. I didn't realize I had a problem >> y >> until my early 20s when I'm like >> why do I still want to drink after a night out? like why why can't I just have two glasses of wine? >> Why am I thinking about drinking all the time? >> Why do I feel so uncomfortable if I'm not drinking when I'm out? It was like all of these questions. And I uh I don't know if I ever talked about this before. This might be a a first. I went to rehab when I was 23. I don't even think anyone >> on the show knew. And it was my choice, too. it that was like a a very pivotal moment in my life. I like wasn't ready to give up drinking, which is why I didn't get sober until I was 32. But >> um >> there was like deep fear of of what would happen if I continued acting this way from for a very long time. And when I tell you I've tried I had tried so many different things. rehab, outpatient, inpatient, trauma centered, therapy, medication, you name it. And I and there was always like a a very strong desire to want to stop. Mhm. >> But I think just being I don't know how I would have gotten sober in my 20s in LA on a being success like I I which is why I have so much empathy for people in the media that are struggling because I was like it's so hard. >> Yeah. Um, and I, you know, I I just was in this very sad cycle for all of my 20s. Um, >> can I Okay. Yeah. First of all, thank you for sharing that cuz again, it almost goes back to like >> there's like the career that you want to >> uphold and you want to like be remembered for something great. And that doesn't mean you can't also be open about the struggles you were going through. But I do think it's difficult for people to be like, am I allowed to like should I say this about myself? Like will people want to work with me? Like should I even like I can imagine that goes through your head cuz I know people don't open up probably for that reason. >> There was no way in hell I was going to openly talk about this. I was so deeply ashamed >> of myself and my choices and the person I was when I drank. >> Yeah. >> There was no It It is actually mindblowing. Like if you would have told me at that age, you know, 10 years from now, you're going to be doing a podcast and you're going to be talking about being sober and alcoholism. I would have said, "You are insane." No. Because these things I'm talking about, I'm only able to speak about them because I have actively worked through and let go of the shame >> y >> that was so ingrained in who I was. >> I I don't feel like I and I don't really blame anyone for not helping. You know, the people in my inner circle definitely knew. My friends, my family, my sweet manager, but no one on the show really knew because I didn't talk about it. And so I think there was a lot of maybe concern from people >> and people also were like how did you maintain a job? Well my drinking was very it was binge drinking so I wasn't drinking every day but when I would drink >> you would drink >> was like bye >> that's what I was going to say can you take me to like what would a typical night or day of drinking be like for you back then? So it usually would start and I was because I because my job was very important to me like I I think maybe only I never let it come interfere with that because like >> I knew if I lost that I would not be okay. >> Yeah. >> Um it doesn't mean it didn't seep through the cracks sometimes because like yeah I did show up to work hung over sometimes. >> Yeah. I did. I can look at pictures of my eyes and I'm like, "Oh, >> you hung over, bitch." Like, >> I know what you were up to last night. >> Exactly. And so, I think it was maybe clear to to people. >> Yeah. You know, people aren't dumb. That's the thing about like addicts, alcoholics. >> You think you're being so secretive and I can I feel it in a room. I can I know. >> I know. And like in a non-judgy way, I'm just like, "Oh, I think they're struggling." You know, and >> isn't that so interesting? And then you probably walked in being like, "No one knows. >> No one knows." >> And maybe they were like, "Yeah, >> Lucy, you or like Lucy, you like >> your eyes are bloodshot or did you sleep?" >> But okay, a a night of >> Yes. You know, it kind of looked that that was a scary thing is it was a wild card and I was always like, well, this could be a really fun because some nights don't I I also like in hindsight I look back I had some great memories drinking super fun >> but you never knew what you were going to get. So some nights would be you know >> great. I'd be home at a decent hour. I'd, you know, chug some water before bed and take some Advil and I'd wake up and feel fine. Or it would be a night that turned into a Saturday that turned into a Sunday where I'm like, why are there drugs on the table? Like, who are these people? Why are these people in my house? Like, it would just be all over the place. >> Yeah. >> And and I think I was also attracting people in my life that were also really struggling. And I think one thing and also I just think that anyone who's listening to this, I get really emotional. Lucy, don't cry. I cry all the time. >> You cry. I just think something that really something that really I I struggled with a lot growing up is like I remember people people some people I worked with some people in my friend group that just thought I was a wild child and thought I'd just like to party and like oo it's going to be or like people wouldn't invite me places cuz they knew how it would get. And I just want to say that anyone who behaves that way, it's clearly coming from a place of pain. And so anyone who may or may not be struggling with this, like I think it's so important and what's really helped me is like you have to find the people who get it. Find people who understand and that you can connect with cuz you're not alone in that feeling. And like I think I felt that for so much of my life. I was like it was the misunderstood thing, right? And then it was like actually being reflected back to me because I was being misunderstood because I was like I don't just like to chug tequila or I did but like but I but I'm also like in pain. >> I'm in pain. >> And I also remember vividly >> I will not name names but I remember vividly hearing someone who was in kind of my inner circle at the time saying, "God, sober people are so boring." And I was like, you know what? Sober people, at the time I was like, sober people are boring. Am I boring? And I also want to say to anyone who might be struggling. I remember Miley Cyrus said one time, she's like, there you can say a lot of things about me. She it was like because I think she's she >> she was talking about sobriety. She was like, "But I am not boring. I find some of the most interesting, complex, beautiful human beings that I know struggle in this way. And that is your gift. Don't let anyone ever tell you like your mistakes don't define you. Like your sensitivity because I find that a lot of sensitive people turn to alcohol, turn to drugs because you're trying to numb down your gifts. >> Oh, can you tell I could talk about this all? >> It's really powerful because I number one I feel really I have seen it too. Like I've had people in my life that I'm like, "Oh my god." Like I know you're struggling, but it is hard to be with someone that is blacking out. That is a liability. Like it's difficult. >> It's hard, >> but it's >> it's obvious they're struggling. And I think that's the thing that you're right. People don't have any grace or time for it in moments. And I think you were clearly struggling. I guess you kind of having this like binge moment and then being able to get to work. Like I relate a lot and you don't even have to be someone that like struggles so much with alcohol to the point where like I've been in moments in my life where like staying out late and partying. Nothing ever good comes from it. And I remember like >> no >> I remember the the moments in when I was living in New York. I had gone through a really bad breakup and I was really struggling with like party culture. Just felt like I wanted to be a part of it because I felt like I could I don't know. I felt like I I felt really alone at that point in my life. I didn't my friends weren't in the city. I I was like I have no one. And so I found this group of people that were always partying >> drugs >> and you bond over that. There is like a there's there should be a whole conversation about the people you bond with in >> when you're partying. And so I remember like I had never I had never done drugs. I because id played soccer my whole life. Like I'd never done that. And I remember getting into a phase in New York where like I tried drugs and like I would be at an afterparty and there were drugs on the table and and it was also because I'm drinking. If I was sober I'm not doing the drugs. >> I'm the same way. >> Right. But all of a sudden you find yourself and I wonder if if you're comfortable talking about that of like how you can also slip into like when you're drunk >> anything goes baby >> anything >> you're like is that cocaine? Is that a cigarette? Is that a what are we doing? >> What is Yeah. And what is who who is that? You know >> and you have no idea where it even came from. >> Girl, >> and you're not going to be smart. You're just going to take it. girl. I It's so interesting because I Yes. Just what you said, like I would have never I would have never thought to do cocaine if I weren't drinking. But >> but I think alcohol was just this gateway into being whoever I wanted to be. I didn't have to >> be sweet. I could be sloppy. And yeah, I could do cocaine if I wanted to. You know what? I could sleep with that guy if I wanted to. and maybe his friend, you know, it's like >> not that I'm, you know, I I look back and I have compassion because I was like, "Oh, babe." >> But but it was just >> I didn't have an outlet in my regular normal life to like release this wild side and release this bad side >> because ultimately like I still have those elements to me, >> right? >> That doesn't go away. >> Your shadow side is cool, I think. And so I've had to learn how to be friends with these things that >> brought me shame and that people and the other thing was like I knew people were talking about me. I knew people were were not even spreading rumors. It was the truth >> and I just tried to cover it up for so long and and that even fueled more drinking. So it was like how do I get out of this cycle? >> It's going to kill me. >> Literally. >> Yeah. Oh, well, >> did you ever have like a moment where it was like you're in the hospital and you wake up? >> Yeah. I you know, I was never I never wanted to die, but like the way I was acting >> sometimes I'm like, "Wow, it's a I would wake up and be like, well, it's kind of a miracle I'm here." >> Um, I did have moments where I' I would have to go to the hospital and like get IVs. I >> Yeah. You know, it got it got really dark. Y >> it got I'm not even going to lie, it it got really dark. I was very sad. I was very scared. I think ultimately I was like, >> "Okay, well, we have some options." When I when I got I'm I'll be sober. I'm almost two years sober. >> Um thank you. And and it feels great. Like I feel so stoked to be able to talk about these things and to know that >> I'm good. Like and I think >> there were so many times in my career where I'd wanted to talk about it, but I knew I didn't have a grip on it. And and the thing is like I this is something I do I work on every day. I choose myself every moment of every day because I have to because I want to be here >> and I want to live a full life. >> Yeah. Um, but when I decided to get sober at 32, I was like, "Okay, we have some options. >> I can keep doing what I've been doing for the last 15 years." >> Um, there's the risk of something really bad happening or we can get sober and we can actually do it because I would always kind of halfass do it. >> Yeah. And I truly, there's no other way to say it other than it was like a spiritual intervention. Like I literally felt the presence of God like actually telling me we're not you don't have another chance. Like I truly felt it in my bones that like this is it. >> Yeah. >> What are we going to do with it? And I remember I was flying back from Austin after a whirlwind New Year's Eve trip like shaking. I was eating a gross ham sandwich like trying just to get food in my stomach cuz I hadn't eaten in like two days. I had my dog in my lap. I was like, "Okay, we're going to do it. We're going to do this." And then I ended up the week I got sober, I actually got COVID, too. And I think without that, >> I would have made excuses. I think because I was forced to stay home. I was forced to call these certain people, connect with certain people, put myself in these rooms and groups of people that truly saved my life. I think without having co I I might not have gotten sober or committed to it. And I >> I don't know, man. Like >> I I feel so strong in my path right now. And I >> I don't know. Every day is changes. Like I I was just traveling internationally and like air airports and airplanes are are always make me a little edgy. I'm like >> cuz that's where I loved to drink. Put me in a lounge. Put me on plane. I was like I'm 30,000 feet away from everyone that drives me crazy, you know? So, so it's it's really just like, okay, being gentle with myself and really having a plan of, >> okay, I know I'm going to be on a couple planes coming up. How are we going to take care of myself? >> Yeah, >> being sober is 100% the best thing I've ever done for myself. It does not mean that it's easy. I think I have talked about it publicly and I think it's been portrayed as like life is great. Life is amazing. Has it made my life better? 100 million%. But it's deeply uncomfortable and is deeply painful, but it is so worth it. >> Yeah, dude. Yeah, that's what I think is you're so right. It's like when you come out and say like, "I'm sober." Everyone's like, "Oh my god, she has it together." >> Like, she's great. And you're like, "This is something that you have to wake up every day and make the choice to not have a drink." >> To not have a drink. And it's and it's made me realize like how much I was escaping in other ways, too. Like your girl will do anything to avoid an uncomfortable feeling. >> Uhhuh. >> I'm like, "Let's go. I'm on Amazon. Like, I do need this new blender. I already have 10 blender." You know what I'm saying? Spend money, men. Like, I have >> avoided my for a long time by being with people I didn't really want to be with. Just like complete avoidance. >> Can we talk about that for a minute? because something that really hit me and I Oh, this is like so dark, but I remember >> this is I've never loved you more. >> Okay, so I don't know if I've ever said this on the podcast, but I was in this relationship where I was in it for the wrong reasons. It was so awful. Like just >> in ways like emotionally abusive and just like really not healthy. And I was saying for the wrong reasons, but I remember there would be nights that I knew he would want to have sex. And I did not want to have sex with him. >> Yeah. >> So before he would come home, I would go into the kitchen and take shots by myself. And I would drink so that I could have sex with him. >> Yeah. >> And what's so crazy in that moment is like I knew like what the am I doing? Like why am I hiding quickly drinking then going and brushing my teeth so he doesn't know so that I'm up so that I can have sex with this person? Like >> so sad. But I'm and I'm thinking about you and I'm like >> can you talk to me a little bit about like >> this sexual aspect of being drunk or being on drugs while you're drunk and like being in this situation which is like pretty unsafe like >> Yeah. What sexual situations did you get yourself into that like you'd wake up and be like, >> "Oh my god, >> I" and this is definitely, you know, I've I've talked about >> my sobriety story a little, but I've never talked about um that element of it. And I think it's a really important thing to talk about because I think a lot of people can relate to that whether you're an alcoholic or not. >> Totally. Um, and also like being sober and dating and being sexual was like a whole new thing I had to learn because >> a lot of my most of my relationships and my the people I had slept with like I was always up. I and I felt so deeply uncomfortable in my body and in my skin. And whether you struggle or not, when you drink, you automatically feel a little bit sexier. You're like, I >> totally >> look amazing. >> Uhhuh. Like, I'm ready. >> At least at least I would have like a a a 10-minute window where I was like, we've got it together. And then the dark thoughts would roll in. But I mean, there's definitely been I think that's where some of my shame still lies is in the people I've allowed to the people I've allowed myself to be with and I know for certain I've potentially I don't even know if I want to say that. I I actually no I maybe I've been taken advantage of. Not to say that these people >> No, I'm not making excuses for people. I've been taken advantage of. Uh, yes, I was the person drinking, but I there are certain things I don't quite remember. Um, but then it's also Yes. So, I've slept with people I regret sleeping with, >> of course. Yeah. >> You know, >> but I also think like in the relationships I was in, um, I really relate to what you were saying about like needing to drink to be physical. And for me, it wasn't like I wasn't attracted to these men. I I I was, but I was so uncomfortable with myself or their perception of me that it was easier to be in a different state of mind when being physical. I have always >> I've always considered myself a sexual person >> and I always had shame about that until >> recently. I think that I think it's so strange to me that we're given the gift of sex. Like it's a beautiful >> what? Like what do you mean? >> Most amazing thing in the world. >> And we obviously live in a society that shames us for that >> when ultimately >> that's kind of the thing that connects us all, right? But I think something that is difficult when you and I know you're like still working on like unpacking everything that happened, but and that's why I'm like we need we do as women especially need to get better of like you sitting here and just not being able to fully say and then like >> yeah, >> you were taken advantage of. >> Yeah. It's so interesting how my brain will try to make excuses for for things and is it right or wrong? I don't I don't know. But it happened and I think basically what what I'm trying to say is like I don't think these people are bad people. It's just so I'm I'm only pausing because I've actually never talked about this element of it before. >> Yeah. >> And >> not even really with my therapist. This is just like a new top. This is like a new >> Yeah. >> Remember I was talking about the trunk and like the emotional I think. Wow. We'll be doing a lot of journaling tonight, Alex. >> >> No, it's good. It's good. I think >> I appreciate you talking about it. as women and as men, like there is so much shame attached to the type of people we've been with. Were we up? Like what actually did happen? >> Was it my fault? Should I have actually, you know? God, we just live in a world where we're just like all traumatized people, traumatizing people. Dude, it's Well, what I appreciate about you is like there's a level of like survival you have to get to where you're like you have to move on. You have to look back at a point of your life and be like, whoa, I'm so happy I'm like not doing those certain things to myself anymore. But then there's also a moment where you have to be like, our body remembers things. >> Have you read that book, The Body Keeps? I haven't read it, but >> it's crazy. I'm sure there are moments. I have had them in my 20s where I woke up and this is so sad. I remember waking up and being like, "Did I have sex last night?" >> And actually physically like trying to like feel in my vagina like, "Did I have sex?" >> I know. I I I have I can't even tell you. >> I can't even tell you how many times I've been like, "Huh?" And then I'd make excuses. I'd be like, "Well, I've kind of always wanted to sleep with him, so I guess it's okay." >> Or or you know, just like making excuses or but also like I for so much of my life, I found I would fill this like empty well within myself >> with validation from men. And so I I was like, well, if I if I'm if I sleep with them, like I get this validation and and then I'm okay and then I feel worthy for a week and then I'm then I need to do it again. And >> I don't know, it was just a habit I picked up very very early on of like if I got the attention from men, >> I I was okay to show up in the world. >> Yep. Even I think something that's really relatable and I bet a lot of people are going to connect with also is like you talked about how when you would drink you would have this >> you would become the person you thought you wanted to be. You're outgoing. You're loud. I can be sassy. I can Like I can be hot. Like you can do all these things. And I I know people in my life that are like I'm introverted and I'm a little anxious or I'm shy and having a couple drinks like I think brings me out of my shell and I'm able. But it's like then there's that line where it's like you shouldn't need anything to like that is a substance like that to make you feel like you can be yourself cuz we're not ourselves when we're drinking, right? But then sexually also all of us are going to feel way more free having sex if we're up on something. >> Yeah. >> But it's like >> you don't actually know in you don't feel in tune with your body. >> I'm even willing to say that sex drunk is not enjoyable >> at all. >> Sex with strangers is not enjoyable. >> Point blank. >> It's just the truth. maybe and that's just my experience but and that's why like the last two years of I mean I was like celibate for a lot of it but but I think like >> feeling so comfortable in my skin and like learning to love my body in new ways >> like being sexual >> like it's still a little uncomfortable >> for me I'm learning how to be really present and um you know and choosing the people I want want to be intimate with and >> not everyone deserves to touch your body, you know? >> Facts, facts. And like you can't make that decision as easily when you are up. >> No, I'm like everyone can touch your body. >> They're like, "Let's go, >> girl, guy. Oh, let's go. Let's go." >> I just appreciate you going there with me and us unpacking the themes of not just being like, "Oh, that's interesting. Next." Like, >> well, I mean, that's a testament to you. You're so good at what you do and >> you really create >> with all of your guests. Like >> you know the right questions to ask, but you do it all with like a very >> well cuz it's like it's your when people are like so talk to me about your drinking problem. You're like okay >> so here you're a >> right? Literally like who you or you're like oh my god people have said to me about like the craziest and I'm like that's rude. Thank you. >> Um >> okay. No, this is great. Okay. Relationships. >> Your relationships. Yeah. >> I had many relationships. I >> I don't think I I've not had a relationship >> really since I've been sober. >> I've dated, but I but throughout all of the, you know, teenager to to now, like my last long-term committed relationship was like six years ago. >> Okay. And it ended, I mean, we were very, we were not compatible with each other at all, but um it ended because of my behavior and like a lack of him not really understanding and not knowing how to be there for me. We're now him and I are now friends and it's it's nice to God, it's the best feeling to like reconnect with people in a different place in your life. >> And I'm finding that's happening a lot to me lately. like people I've had embarrassing or shameful experiences with. Like I've run into them on the street. There was someone I ran into in Vancouver on the street and it was someone something happened and I didn't really remember what had happened. It was a night and I'd always wanted to apologize >> and I randomly ran into him in Vancouver and not only did I get to apologize, he was like, "Lucy, nothing happened." So, I had like built So, in my life, I've like built these things up in my head. All of I say all of that because it's just interesting. The universe is like, "We're going to give you an opportunity to hold yourself accountable and apologize." And it's like the best thing to be cleareyed and feeling good and and to get to reconnect with people. >> When you were in these type of relationships, did a lot of your partners also drink heavily or were you hiding it? So, my very first boyfriend ever that I had for three and a half years when I was a teenager, um, I remember him telling me I had a drinking problem. >> Okay. >> My boyfriend after that, and he wasn't really a drinker. >> Uh, my next boyfriend after that, he also was like, "You, this is worrisome." I'm like, "I'm breaking up with you. Bye. Me problems. You're the problem. No problem. >> Bye, babe. >> Cut two. You were right. You were right. Um, my boyfriend after that, God, we were It was the most passionate relationship of my life and the most toxic. >> He was a drug addict. He was an alcoholic. I learned habits from him. We were a perfect storm. But there was also a lot of love there. That was also um a deeply scary time in my life. I was like, "Oh, >> can you share some of those habits?" >> Uh day drinking, drinking a bottle of wine before bed every night. He uh at that point I had never done a drug and that was like when I was like, "Oh, I kind of like how that feels." >> Um yeah, it was a lot of just self- neglect and it was like the day drinking thing. That was when I was like, "Oh, you can drink the day after." Huh. I never really thought about that. But but also, you know, those types of relationships are the most exciting. Like the most passionate, like whoa. Like I this person I I think I'm like if I were ever to be in a room with him now, it's still one of those people where I would be so >> I'm equal parts terrified of him and attract like deeply attracted to him. >> So crazy. I had one of those where it was like he was definitely into drugs and there's like a thrill element of like the the instability like this person does not have their together and it's like every day is different and it's this like >> exciting rush and it's also what you don't realize is it's like uncomfortable fear that like you are thinking is like attraction but you're also like this is you're my body telling me like I shouldn't be doing this. Yeah, >> it's it's exactly that. Like my nervous system the whole time I was with him was like >> I did not regulate my nervous system for a full year, but I also >> loved that because I told you I loved chaos. >> Hi Daddy Gang. I want to take a moment to talk to you about something that is a little bit more serious today. I have partnered with YSL Beauty on their abuse is not love. They are on a mission to educate and empower anyone who might be facing abuse in their relationship. And I think it is so important that women everywhere have access to this information. So let's talk about IPV. IPV stands for intimate partner violence, which is one of the most common forms of violence against women. This form of abuse can affect anyone regardless of gender, culture, age, or socioeconomic background. But women ages 16 to 24 are at the highest risk. Statistically, one in three women will experience IPV in their lifetime. It's extremely likely that someone, you know, has experienced IPV. So, I'm extremely grateful today that I have the opportunity to go over warning signs that women can look out for. The first thing I want to mention is that abuse is not always physical. IPV includes physical, sexual, emotional, and financial abuse, as well as controlling behaviors. Abuse does not always look like a physical injury. It's something that can slowly creep into your relationship, making you feel trapped. IPV can be extremely confusing and difficult to navigate. So, let's walk through the nine key warning signs to look out for that could indicate you may be in a partnership that is not healthy. The first I want to discuss is ignoring. If your partner is angry with you, do they shut down? Do they give you the silent treatment? If you're upset and want to talk it out, are they there for you or are they consistently leaving you feeling ignored? Silence as a form of punishment is not okay. You deserve healthy communication from your partner. Number two is blackmailing. This is when your partner pressures you or guilt trips you into doing things you're not comfortable with. It can be as overt as do this or I'll leak these photos of you or as subtle as them just saying if you really loved me, you would do this. There should never be a threat held over your head in your relationship. The third is humiliation. If you're constantly being insulted, belittled, or shamed by this person, it is not okay. Little digs like, "You're being stupid," or comments like, "You've really let yourself go lately," are said to make you feel insecure. Number four is manipulation. This is when you're pressured into doing or saying things you don't want to do. For example, maybe you try to set a boundary and they push you into crossing it. Number five is jealousy. This can also be subtle at first, but when they question every move you make and are suspicious of everything you do, it's not healthy. Which leads me to point number six, which is control. Control shows up when your partner starts making choices that should be yours. Maybe they tell you that things you can't wear or they insist they get the final say on where you go and who you see. You start to feel like your freedom is shrinking in the relationship and that you need their approval on decisions just to avoid a fight starting. Number seven is intrusion. Does your partner respect your right to personal privacy or is your phone being checked, your passwords being demanded and your location is being tracked? Eight is isolation. Abusers try to demand more and more of your time and control every other relationship in your life. They slowly begin to pull you away from your friends and family. Finally, the last warning sign is intimidation. You're made to feel scared, crazy, or unsafe. This can look like yelling, slamming doors, or gaslighting you when you call them out on their behavior. They try to intimidate you into being too scared to leave. The earlier that you spot these signs, the sooner that you can protect yourself or someone you care about. Abuse can take so many forms. It's not just screaming fights or physical attacks. It can start in ways that feel almost normal until one day you look back and realize that wasn't okay. If your gut is telling you something doesn't feel right or that you don't feel loved the way you want to be loved, listen to it. If any of this hits home, know that this isn't about shame. So many women have unfortunately been through this. This initiative is about having the language to call abuse out because when you can name what's happening, you can do something about it. So, Daddy gang, I urge you to take a step back and see if what we just talked about feels relatable to your own life or someone else's. And if it does, don't ignore it. Talk to a friend or check in on the person you're worried about. Even just starting the conversation can make someone feel less alone. For more resources, go to www.thehotline.org. The National Domestic Violence Hotline operates 24 hours a day and provides tools through call, text, and live chat. Abuse thrives in silence, but the more we see it, name it, and talk about it, the less power it has. You deserve a relationship that feels safe, supportive, and respectful. I love you. You don't have to answer this, but I'm just thinking again cuz we're we're kind of tying things like when you look at your life, you know, I think sometimes in a positive way, you can be like, "Oh, that helps it make more sense." But like a lot of how we are is because of our family. Like does anyone in your family struggle with alcohol also? >> Okay. Okay. >> Yeah. >> I mean it's it's I think it's just helpful to say cuz sometimes people feel really alone and it's like girl you're not alone. This isn't Also I don't know if it helps to be like it's not your fault. This is like a genetic thing that like >> that's yeah >> life. But it's also interesting to me that, you know, my sister doesn't struggle with alcohol, but we grew up in the same home. Obviously, our lives are very different. But it's just interesting how people latch on to something. And I I think if I would have found cocaine at >> 16, that would have been my thing. But alcohol >> was your thing. >> That was my my bestie for a long time. when you said that you went to rehab. >> Mhm. >> When you got back, talk to me about like reintegrating after rehab. And then like when did you have another drink? >> I'm only laughing cuz I So before I went into rehab, I was talking to this guy that I was obsessed with. >> I stayed in rehab. I got out. The day I got home, he flew in to see me. I picked him up and then he asked me to stop at a liquor store for him. >> No. And I remember him getting a bottle of Jack Daniels. And mind you, I still didn't drink for like 3 months after that. So I was like, what? Talk about not integrating. >> Talk about I just had this like spiritual amazing experience. And this guy who that was that that in itself is was my life for so long. Putting everyone else on a pedestal for so long. I'm like, why am I taking this guy kissing him and he tastes like Jack Daniels? Just But I'm just laughing because that was my first memory of getting out of rehab. >> Solid. >> Yeah. >> Damn. >> Yeah. Crazy. >> And then when did you relapse? Three months after. >> Yeah. It was always typically that it was like three months after I went to Vegas for a of course I relapsed relapse in Vegas. um for a award show because what would happen was I'd I'd be sober for a long time and think you know what I think I have a I think I have a really good grip on my alcoholism now and >> I think if I just have rosé I think I'm going to be fine and you know what I'm going to have a rosé and a water and then maybe I'll have like a little aderall just to like bring me back down and like the the the one thing about like alcoholics that I love is like the rules that we you No, only beer, only wine, only on weekends, only every other week. >> Um, but yeah, I'd get stuck in the cycle of I'd be sober for a month or two and then I'd relapse, then a week, then I'd relapse, and I was like a chronic relapser. >> Yeah. >> When you talked about that like New Year's moment when you got on the plane, was there something that happened that was like rock bottom? I mean, in hindsight, like a lot of things that happened in my life would have been labeled as worse, but I think I was at a point in my life for this New Year's trip where I knew uh I knew my drinking career was coming to an end. And I almost I think subconsciously I knew that this New Year's was going to be the last harrah. And it certainly was, but I think it was so scary to start drinking one night to wake up um like a day and a half later and have so much blank memory and be like, and I remember asking my friend, I was like, "What are we doing tonight for New Year's Eve?" And he was like, "It's the first." And I was like, "What do you mean?" I was like, "What do you mean? What do you mean? There's a whole day of my life I don't remember." And like blacking out was a very normal thing for me here and there, whatever. But I'll never I still like I have a physical reaction to hearing him say it was the first. And I was just like, "This can't be my life. This can't be my life. I refuse to let this be my life anymore. And I was so sad. I And like it was just more like and nothing really, you know, I don't even know if I left the hotel room. Like nothing technically bad happened, but it was just that feeling of how did I get here? >> I have everything I could ever want and I'm going to blow it all. And it's a miracle that I didn't. Yeah, >> I think I did I up friendships. I up relationships. I hurt my family. I you know I did lose out on career opportunities, but like I talk about guardian angels. Like talk about knowing I'm supposed to be here. >> Yeah. >> And so, you know, I So, whatever happened in Austin, like something resonated. It was this feeling of like maybe let's do maybe let's try it a different way. >> Uh and I did and I'm so proud. I'm so proud that I did that. >> Um yeah. And I and I often don't sit back and relish in the like whoa babe. Like you did it. >> You did it. I >> Thank you for sharing that. I literally got chills because it's like we we as humans are just judgmental. Like we either compare ourselves but like or we'll judge people because it's actually an insecurity of ours or we'll judge because we don't understand something. I appreciate you sharing all this because it's so hard to talk about something that you have any amount of shame over and also something that like you've as much as maybe people in your life have talked to you about it or told you or you've broken up with boyfriends about it like it's on you like it's and and also you've dealt with this alone. So, it's like you were going through this alone because when you woke up, you were alone. Sure, even if there was a body next to you that you're like, "What are you doing here?" Like, you're alone. And so, it's on you to find your way out of it, that's hard. But that is the key to life is like the second you start taking accountability of I'll just say it from my point of view. The second I was like, "Okay, why am I in this weird hotel room a day and a half later? Why am I sad? Why am I angry? >> It's I have to take accountability of my life." >> Yep. >> No one else is going to save me. >> And I can't keep blaming other people for my own >> It doesn't mean people can't help me, but ultimately all you have is yourself. Like, >> yeah, >> you have to fight and advocate for yourself. >> I just love that we're talking about that. It's like even if people are listening in, it's like it's not alcohol. It's just like your life. Whether you're unhappy, wherever the you are, if you're unhappy about something like it really is, it sounds so simple, but it's hard not to look around and try to blame others or blame your circumstances. It's like there is something so powerful about you sitting on that plane ride and just being like, >> "Yeah, it's got to end. >> It's got to end. >> Yeah, it's got to change." >> Yeah. And I think that's amazing that you're sitting here today and you clearly now are like again like we said, it's not easy. It's never going to be easy. >> No, but life is not easy and it's not supposed to be easy. That is what we signed up for as human beings. Being a human is hard. It's hard to navigate. >> Yeah. >> We all numb out in some way. We all try to escape. >> But there's something beautiful about not What if we didn't? >> What if we didn't? What if we were just uncomfortable? we'll get through it. >> Can you talk to me about obviously like recovery is not linear like it's an ongoing process in these past two years trying essentially like you're finding a new version of yourself because for so long like you were >> going off of like certain habits and routines and a lifestyle and now it's all different. Can you talk to me about like how it's been things that you've struggled with? Things that you're like loving about yourself? Yeah, I mean certainly not linear and there is no right or wrong way to heal. >> Um, you know, there's so much advice out there. There's so much on the internet of like how to heal and and I think that's great and I think that's when the internet is really beautiful, but I think ultimately like the only person that's going to know what feels good in your body and your mind is yourself. >> So for me it's like I've kind of had to like block out a lot of the noise and really get quiet with myself and like really figure out what actually makes me feel good because I had to have a moment where I was like does my career make me feel good? >> Luckily it does. Luckily cuz God would have been a show. It's like I'm sober and I'm >> changing careers. >> I'm Yeah. Who knows what would I have done? >> What would I have done? >> But I um you know just like Yeah. getting crystal clear on like the friendship. For me, it's like when you heal, you expect other people to heal with you, but like you're on a different path. You're on a different journey. And so certain things don't fit your life anymore. >> Yeah. >> And so obviously like the places I was going and daytoday that shifted a little. >> Um but people don't prepare you that like some friendships don't won't be the same. That's the hardest thing is like we talk about romantic breakups all the time, but like friendship breakups are hard and so I've had to deal with that a little bit and um family dynamics have shifted. Boundaries, >> girl, boundaries. Boundaries, you know, I was talking about being at peace and how that felt uncomfortable. That's really what a lot of what my life has looked like. It's like, okay, am I am I bored or is this just really nice? And like being okay in stillness and not needing to fill my days with stuff just to avoid because what I what I found when I was newly sober was, okay, I'm going to work out three times a day. I'm going to, you know, read a book. I'm going to whatever. >> I was like, why am I filling my days with all of these things? What if I just didn't, right? >> What if I just didn't? And so it's like I'm in this interesting place now where my relationship to my body and to food and to exercise has is like the next thing for me to work on. I think just like being really gentle with >> all of that. I think that >> not to like go back all into this, but I think the eating disorder fueled the alcoholism and they kind of fueled each other. >> And so like now that I'm sober, it's like >> okay, now let's like really unpack. >> Yeah. This Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Airbnb. Daddy gang. As you guys know, Matt is typically the more romantic one in our relationship. He did, you know, the amazing proposal that you guys saw. He basically planned our entire wedding. Love you, babe. And he really makes sure that we prioritize our date nights. And while I love initiative, I decided that it was time for me to step up and pull a little surprise on Matt. So, I ended up planning a trip that I booked at this gorgeous ranch house. This house was the perfect place for us to unplug and reconnect with each other. We spent a ton of time in nature. I know, what a concept. Um, we went for a few hikes with Bruce and Henry. I know, what a concept. Um, and I got to live kind of like my Hannah Montana dreams by riding a horse. I really loved being able though to explore new places and feeling like I actually lived there. We went to the farmers market, took whiskey shots at the local bar, and we found cute restaurants for date nights. Booking a stay on Airbnb was perfect for this trip because we were able to actually have a lot of privacy and we even found a house that had a jacuzzi, which you know was my favorite part for late nights. Um, I definitely crushed it with the surprise, I will say. You're welcome, Matt. And I cannot wait to plan more. So, watch out, Matt. I'm coming for your title being the most romantic one. But wait, like still clearly do cute things for me, but you know, I'm going to participate now, too. Um, your next great trip starts with a great place to stay. Whether it's a cabin in the woods or a modern loft downtown, Airbnb has a space for your travel story. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Whiteclaw. Let me set the scene. Okay, picture this. There is a slight crisp in the air. The perfect playlist is on. All of your best friends are dancing together under a giant tent. And the game is about to start. That is right. You heard it here. It is officially tailgating season. And you know what really takes a good tailgate to become a great tailgate? It is if you show up with a cooler of white claw hard seltzer surge. Yeah, this tailgate season we're going all out and we're grabbing life by the claw. Obviously, I am talking headto toe team colors, a grill full of hot dogs, a variety pack of white claw hard seltzer surge ready to go. Boom. Heaven. Okay, each can is 8% alcohol by volume and they come in so many delicious flavors. Daddy Gang, I lived on Whiteclaw Serge's last football season. I got to throw a big tailgate for an Eagles game and is now a core memory of mine. I had a Blackberry Surge in hand and I was dancing on an elevated surface for hours, hours, hours on end. Um, a cooler of White Claws is now a must have for me at all future events. If you want to have a tailgate that's fun, high energy, and maybe a little chaotic, White Claw Surge has you covered. This tailgate season, we're going all out and grabbing life by the claw. Pick up a pack from your favorite local spot and grab life by the claw with your favorite flavor this tailgate season. Please drink responsibly. Hard seltzer with flavors. White Claw Seltzer Works Chicago, Illinois. >> You know, my life is very simple. I It is. They're like, "Okay, I'm just a simple girl. >> Simple gal from Tennessee." But you know, no, but what I mean by that is I find joy in simple moments. I want to simplify my life. I'm trying to simplify my life. My circle is small. >> Um, I spend a lot of time with my dogs. >> I am on this whole, this will be for when I come back for part two of the podcast. We'll talk about spirituality because I do want to say that >> the spirituality element is what keeps me going and it's brought a lot of clarity to my life of like oh but why am I really here what is my purpose how can I help >> leave the world a better place so it's like my priorities have really shifted into broader scale I guess >> um and I think that that was maybe why I was also drinking is because I felt like I didn't have a purpose >> yeah I love that you just said um you know like it's okay like is it boredom or is It's just like you're just be still. And I feel like there's so many people that can relate to that moment where you're like trying so hard to just keep moving and keep going and keep doing and going here, here, here, here. And it's like when you're uncomfortable in the silence and being alone with yourself, that's the first indicator you got to work on. >> to work on. Cuz there's nothing better than when you are like so super cozy with yourself and you actually would a hundred times over choose yourself to be alone and like not go out and not Right. >> It's literally the best. I'm at the point now where I, you know, I'm single. I don't know when this is airing, but as of now, I'm single and I have to I have to >> get a boyfriend in the next two weeks, Lizzy. >> Um, I don't know. Should we have a dating show? I was going to say and uh but but my point in saying all that was like I love my alone time. I love my life. I love my schedule, >> but I also do, you know, I do want a partner and I want a family and >> um and I do have to put myself outside of my comfort zone because it is it does feel so cozy and safe in this like little world I built for myself. But >> he ain't going to come knocking on my on my front door. Maybe he will. >> I was about to say I love how you're like, "When is this coming out?" I'm like, "Are you do you have someone in mind?" I'm like, is is he >> I do have someone in mind, but but but we're not dating. >> Okay. You've gone on dates. >> We're supposed to. We'll see. We'll see. And now that I've said it out loud, >> it's happening. >> Well, I don't know. We'll see. >> So, you've texted >> a little. >> Okay. And you're going to potentially go, >> but this is me putting expectations on something. This is what I do all the time. I'm like, >> "Okay, how is he going to be as a dad?" Like, it's like, "No, just like calm down." But this is my extremist brain, you know? >> I get it. But I also think that I'm at the point now like I don't want to casually date. I'm looking for something specific and not everyone is looking for that. >> I don't know. We're just trying to manifest that into my life. >> Do you have any like dating rules for yourself that you're like this has to be? Like is there anything on the list you're like this is like >> don't be a raging alcoholic. >> You're like don't don't be but also I do love an edge. No, no, no, no, no. >> I don't I don't have any like don'ts, but I think it's more just like this place I'm at in my life, >> where I'm at, the woman I've become. >> It's not for everyone. And I know that, >> but it is for some people. And so, it's more just like being completely in alignment with someone emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually. It's tricky. It's very tricky to navigate. And I'm not willing to alter anything. I will compro, you know, compromise is is a very different thing. But I think >> we're not settling anymore. We're not settling. No, >> I made a song out of it. >> We're not settling >> and break away cuz we're not going to settle. Okay, we don't need an album. Um, what I love about what you just said though is like how great you're now at a place in your life where you are so clear on the things that you need for yourself. And so if someone comes in, you're going to be able to be like, "Check, check. Oh, I can compromise." >> I know. I know. I know immediately. >> Yeah. >> Usually, >> but before you probably and as we all go through that where you're like, you almost become the partner that walks in the door. you become the guy that's the drug addict. You're like, "Oh, I guess I'll just like you." When we go, we all go through that where we're so much more like we are so much more susceptible to just becoming that relationship, being independent of like this is what I bring. Can you meet me here? Also, and people talk about this all the time, a lot of people are filling a void with the person they choose or the relationship they're in because >> it's a lot of >> people settling or a lot of people uh trying to figure out their within a relationship. And that's not saying you can't. You can grow as a couple. Yeah. But I think I'm so grateful that I now feel more whole and can enter into a partnership now because now I know how to treat people because I know how to treat myself. I can show up for someone. >> I can respect someone. >> I'm ready to love, you know, and I don't and I wasn't always that way. >> Right. So, >> do you have a type? >> Yes. >> Physically, no. Although my friends would be like, "You love tall, dark, and handsome." I love a musician. Oh, bad boys, Lucy. >> But I don't know if that's a lifestyle that's good for me. I don't know. But I But there's something about musically inclined men that really get my heart rate. >> I get it. Just turn on Spotify and listen to a song. Like I feel like that girl, the touring and the the drinking and the It's a It's a lot. >> It's a lot. It's a lot. >> But I do think I would love to end up with a creative of some sort. I'm I don't really set rules for Like I'm not saying, oh, he has to be in the industry or he has to not be in the industry. I think like having that level of understanding, it would be nice to >> be with someone who gets it. >> Yeah. >> Um, but type I'm more of a vibe gal. >> I need I have a very like a specific sense of humor. Not needing to be in the spotlight, but quick. I like >> I like going deep with people. If you can keep up with me in conversations, like that's sexy. awareness is the like I will drop my panties for that immediately. Like a self-aware king. I you know I just I've I've been dating for the first time in my life and a lot of it is like these people are not asking me questions. >> Uhhuh. >> Why am I the only one asking questions? >> Right. I I was talking to someone about this the other day that and they were like the dates I've gone on. I'm getting to the point where I'm like I'm just going to stop. I've been asking you questions the whole time. Not in like a weird interrogative way, but like I'm asking you questions, being respectful curious about do you even remember my last name? Like where we at? >> I think it's a universal thing. And men, I love you. I do. But I think >> I'm always taking it back when when someone asks me a question and not only that, a good question. That to me I'm like, oh, to feel seen and heard. >> Have you had any bad dates recently? I've never had any nightmare dates ever, but >> I definitely had one recently where I just knew immediately. I was like, "Oh, no. >> No, wait. Why? Why? Why?" >> Cuz it felt like a rehearsed date. >> Oh, >> it felt like he was saying things that I think I had verbatim said in an interview before. And I'm like, okay, on one level that's sweet. Like, he did his research, but also he wasn't in my industry. And I always feel a little weird when >> it's someone not in my industry because like I don't know people's motives. Oh, my favorite thing though is >> I'm on a specific dating app and um when you're on this dating app, you can click on someone's name and you know, you go to their Instagram, you know who they're they are. If you connect with someone, you're going to obviously Google who they are, of course, but this has happened a few times where guys act like they don't know what I do for a living or who I am. And I'm like, okay, you might not have seen my work, but I don't believe that you connected with me and haven't Googled me. >> You're asking me what I do for a living. >> Like, just stop. >> That's the craziest. >> Am I crazy? Cuz I'm like, this is really This is very bizarre. >> You're not crazy cuz what's crazy is social media. Everyone has it at this point. I'm like, I know what your mom's sister's dog is doing right now. >> Let's keep it real. And even if you're not going to bring that up, you're not going to pretend you don't know what the dude does. Like, >> it's so silly. But I think it's like a way of them >> being like, I don't care what you do. I'm a normal guy who wants you for all the right reasons. I'm like, yeah, but that is showing me that you want me for all the wrong reasons if you're being a phony, >> right? Like, imagine how much harder it is for the guy to be like, >> I respect your career. >> I respect your career. This is so cool. Like, obviously, I don't know if I've watched everything you're in. Like, what was your favorite project? Like >> yes, >> that that was like when I went on a guy in New York City. I went on a date and he was like, "Um, what do you do for a living?" And I was like, >> "This is when Well, you're engaged." >> No, but this was like right before I got You had success. >> Yes. And I was like, "Oh, like I have a podcast." And like >> you're like the number one most successful. >> No, literally. And at the time he followed Dave Portoy, he followed Barcel, he f like I'm like, you know, you know, >> thumbs down, dude. >> And I'm like, "Oh, I have a podcast." He's like, "Oh, like what do you talk about?" And I'm like, >> meanwhile, you go look at his search history. It's he's listed every episode. >> I just Yeah, >> it's No, I agree. I think that >> in this dating world with social media, it's better to be upfront. You don't have to say like, "Oh, yeah." Like, and go too deep of what you've stalked, but there's a level of like, "Let's keep it real. >> Let's be transparent." >> Cuz then if not, you're like, >> "This is weird. >> What are you hiding?" >> Yeah. Exactly. >> Okay. If your fans and my fans can take one thing from this interview, what do you want them to take from this? >> Oh god. Where do we begin? What do we >> Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Uh, one thing. >> Yeah. That's a lot. >> Okay. I just think for me, I didn't really have any women, at least that I had found, that were going through similar experiences. is. And I know that a lot of the things we talked about today were heavy heavy hitters and make a lot of people uncomfortable. Like a lot of people will not and do not want to talk to me about my sobriety or sexual encounters or trauma or whatever. >> But I guess like the one thing is I I just if anyone's listening like just know that there's nothing to be afraid of. There's nothing to be ashamed of. Um, and you're just you're not alone. I think like you and I have both mentioned many times during this interview that we've felt alone or misunderstood. Um, and I think it's just always nice to know that very simply, you are not. >> Yeah, >> you are not. And I think that >> I I'll end it with this. I I watch very niche documentaries and I read very weird books and just like I'll find something. Like the other day I was looking up crop circles, but the other day I was I was googling fingerprints. I was like how amazing is it that there are no two fingerprints ever in the history of ever that are alike. If that doesn't tell you everything right there, there is only one you. >> There is only ever supposed to be one of you. And that is so cool to me. >> Look at your finger. Like >> Yeah. Yeah. >> It's it's And so that to me just like wraps up what I'm trying to say is that life is tricky, baby. But but but you're not alone. And things might not make sense, but they will eventually because I felt that for so much of my life where I'm like, "What the is happening?" And things eventually find their place. They do. >> Be gentle with yourself. Be kind. Please be kind to yourself. >> God, >> I cannot thank you enough for coming on because like you said, I think it's so important to have conversations that may make people uncomfortable because it's not what we're saying that should make them uncomfortable. It's because in some way we've been raised to think like showing any weakness and talking about things that you've gone through is a sign of weakness. And it's completely the opposite. You're so strong for sitting here knowing millions of people are going to listen to this and watch you talking about something that so many people will relate to. And I think it's just the beginning of people actually realizing like damn if she can just talk about this and overcome this. And also recognize like it's a struggle. It's okay. If you're relapsing, if you're like it's all it is all going to happen. But by talking about >> that's the most powerful thing. And the most beautiful thing is and also thank you for this was so fun. It was right. >> Yeah. And you just really made me feel safe and it was very easy to open up about these things. Um cuz I don't always share this with everyone and um and I do think it is maybe a part of my journey now to talk about these things and and I and I hope it resonates or that something I've said that might wake something up inside someone. I don't know. But honestly, thank you so much for having me, >> Lucy. Thank you so much for coming on. Call her daddy. >> Thank you.