I had woken up after hours sleeping because I've been abusing the sleeping tablets. I was for four months in bed. Jerry totally depressed thinking no one loves me. God, no. Even God loves me. I didn't think God loved me. Imagine that. The worst of the worst. God doesn't love me. I back in the day I was Catholic. I have this our lady from Mexico and Venezuelan, but I just love this um dark lady, darkkinned lady called Guadalupe. And I prayed >> to the statue >> to the statue and a candle that please ask your son Jesus to speak to the father to not let me die because whatever the mother asked the son, >> the son will listen to his mother. >> I love that. So I did pray harder at night and I fell asleep in my pray and I promised that if I would wake up alive I would talk about Jesus and Heavenly Father for the rest of my life. And I woke up alive and it was like Christmas carol. >> Yeah. Lucy Monson, I am so happy you're here. >> Thank you. Thank you for having me here. It's a pleasure. It's an honor. >> Yeah. It's been uh it's been a few months since we sat down. We were um the team had came to RC Willie where you were currently employed at the time and I still are. >> Still, yes. Um I asked you I was I was working with another salesman and um he said you've got to meet Lucy and I was like okay we were looking for furniture and so we encouraged you to come and sit in the chair and we asked if you thought they were comfortable which they are. RC Willie does a great job for us. Of course we don't we can't pack RC Willy chairs with us because we're mobile but we love them. They've worked really great. And uh >> you and I I started to do a mock interview you with you and all of a sudden I realized, wow, you have a story. >> Yes, it was. >> And and we were like, we need to roll footage. We need to get this on camera. Of course, you were at work and um that didn't happen. So, we we postponed it to a later date. And so, we're going to pick up we're going to start where we were and then we're going to go forward. So, um, tell tell our viewers a little bit about yourself and, um, >> well, I'm originally from Venezuela. Like I told you that day, I grew up. >> I was raised in Venezuela and I left >> about when I was about 23. >> Okay. >> I married an English man >> and I follow him through the world. I was totally in love with him. And um it was um what I learned from the whole experience was my transformation you know >> as a result of that I told you I wrote a book >> um it's not about my marriage really in the surface it looks like uh the book is about marriage it's about >> toxic relationships it it's about codependency domestic violence and psychological abuse but it's not really about that the book is about the trajectory the transformation information from this from a small town girl. >> Yeah. >> Into this >> into Venezuela. >> From Venezuela, small town >> and and becoming this luminous whole complete loving human being. >> Yeah. >> Absolutely. So as you um had begun this journey with us our our journey, it was very impactful and and I and I believe that you could say the same that when we met and we talked, it was very emotional like I felt it >> a lot during that time but even carried on after and in fact the team was affected by what you said emotionally that we had to take some time and I just I I want to say thank you. No, me too. I was so touched and moved in that moment and I thought, how can this happen in a mundane place? >> Yeah. >> RC Willie, right? >> Saturday morning and we connected with the whole crew and you and I, we felt this >> powerful magical emotion >> that was magic. It was like all the atoms colliding and like wow it was in so much that I have to leave work for a few hours because >> I could not ground myself. Yeah. >> So I I left for a few hours to ground myself and >> be grateful to heavenly father because >> of the sacrosan experience we were having. >> Yeah. >> We had >> and people were actually watching us that could feel that there was something going on and they everybody wanted to be a part of it. So, they didn't understand what we were doing, but everybody was coming by and wanted to >> to experience that. >> Um, thank you for sharing that because I try to I try to put that on the show and explain what it's like when you when you create that space. And until you're in that space, it you cannot >> you cannot recreate this part that is spontaneous. Yeah. It was there in the moment. It happened just like that. It was for Tweet. We didn't. That wasn't planned. That was no plan. That was literally what happened. And >> I felt the warmth in my body, the adrenaline. I'm sure you felt it because we connected. We we have that >> we lock our eyes just feeling also the love of heavenly father because we talk about >> God. We as we believe in him and the universal experience of feeling love. >> The quantum entanglement is what we >> Yes. That's exactly what you said. >> Yeah. You asked me, "Do you feel it?" And I said, "Yes, I do feel it." >> Yeah. It's when when when you quantum entangle and you attach together to where we almost can complete each other's sentences at a very short period of time and you feel the love and you feel that that camaraderie, the friends and thank you for that. >> No, thank you too. It was both ways. >> Yeah. So, let's go back to um Venezuela, 23 years old. >> Are you married at this time previous or was this your first marriage? >> That was my first marriage. I have had several relationships, but I never got into a serious relationship. I think my desperation to find love to complete me. >> Yeah. >> It would take me, you know, hungry person goes and buy junk food, >> right? And I don't say that they were junk at all, but I was picking and choosing the wrong relationships, right? >> And I was discarded as well as no, you know, so I couldn't really get into a serious relationship. I was desperate for love until I found this man, an English man. Oh my goodness. It was the fairy tale. Oh, an English man. Uh oh yeah, he's from England. He's a gentleman. He opens my door. all the things that a woman a young woman dreams of. He was also the in construction uh with they were building this um chemical plant >> in the town where I lived >> and he was the licens and precommissioning commissioning and performance test. >> So he wrote the process manuals. He was the brain of the process. So of course even that is like oh my gosh he's looking at me the price >> right? >> Yes. >> So you both saw a price. He saw a price how beautiful you are and kind and outgoing. And then you saw a price because he's handsome, smart. >> And you know what's funny, Jerry? You're saying it right now. He's so surprised. Outgoing, beautiful. And at the time, I didn't think I was a prize. >> Right. >> That's the saddest part because you >> well childhood trauma, you know, generational trauma cycles. >> Um I grew up in a small community where everyone is an ugly person. It's just the bantery and you are ugly, you're big teeth, you are this and that. And I grew up thinking I was the ugly girl of the town. >> Um I was bad. I was um undesirable. So I really believe that story. I really believe that software. And >> so so when you say generational because a lot of people say generational trauma. Expand on that from your perspective. Well, I'm talking from what I lived in my household from my mom and my dad and what they lived before they we came the children and what my ancestors came and they were repeating and repeating and repeating and you know granted my parents did raise us better than what they were raised on because my p my father was abandoned >> by his father >> and my mom blessed her um because she doesn't remember many things she said I don't remember that I have a happy childhood. But we think me and my siblings that it was more than that because of what her siblings, my aunts and my uncles say how um how brutal they were with their siblings, you know, with the children. They they didn't know what they didn't know. So for them, love >> that's impressive. That is that is the foundation of this shows. They didn't you don't know what you don't know. You don't know what you don't know what because you are in this cocoon in this eco chamber that everything is normal. >> So outside the eco chamber you don't know that exist and when you don't have more options you think this is what it is. >> Right. So you had mentioned that you had watched Morirana's episode. >> Oh so impactful. I I I saw the recognition exactly. You don't know what you don't know. she did when her father she didn't when you ask her you ask her if she thought about having a relationship with a younger man or like her and she says no I didn't know I have options so you don't know what you don't know I was like that's the universal wound that's pretty universal you know it doesn't matter if you I am from Venezuela or she's from America small town >> yeah yes right here >> China small towns as well a village we all have the universal wound Right. >> And we have we would ask everyone to have more compassion for everyone instead of being super judgmental. >> Right. >> From from right off like be curious. >> Right. Right. Because if you read my book, in order to explain the trajectory and what happened in my new becoming in my new self, right, my higher self, I have to tell you what happened here and what happened there and what this happened which are very traumatic events. So people from outside will say why didn't she leave earlier? Well, the truth is you hope and with this growing up Catholic, you believe in forgiven and it's from the Bible to forgive and to hope and and love hopes and supports everything, right? >> So, I held into that toxic empathy, that toxic forgiveness that almost eradicated me because I I shrunk myself completely for in the name of love. >> Yeah. the love that I thought at the time. >> Right. >> Yes. >> Um there's kind of been a thing I've been working on. Um and I love it. Um I don't remember where I picked it up, but I'm going to I'm going to take it and it's going to be in my little tool bag um of things in my life. And and the one thing I've really um been working with um is love doesn't mean relationship. And I really love that. I love that. But it's like you can love somebody but and want them to eat at a table just not at yours. And I and I really feel like that was one of the one of the amazing things that Christ though like one of his biggest things that he wanted was for everybody to go if we had everybody loved everyone unconditionally doesn't mean relationship that we would have what what I believe to be the thousand years of peace because there wouldn't be any controversy >> if everybody would just love with limits and and I think that's the way to say it. I I totally agree with that and in fact the the title of my book is on love no more. >> Okay. >> On love no more. >> Okay. >> Because um the the paradigm I have of love was totally different. I thought it was basically basically relationships and then I have to relearn just the delete the software. If we were in tech, right? We I have to delete the software. No, this is not love and I'm going to insert a new chip. Love is this and it's your relationship of with you with yourself with your higher self and and God once you build from inside you can go outside. It's never outside and only then you can feel universal love. You can feel unconditional love because you are also killing ego you know and yeah. >> Oh I love that. So, so, so to capitalize on what you were, or not to capitalize, but to add to it, or at least my version of it, um, I do a lot of advocating for children, uh, crisis for young children and adults. That's that's one of the things I do as as part of my other life, I guess. And I I I share with people as you as you were talking was you can't throw anybody a life jacket unless you put one on yourself first. and you can't give them your life jacket. You've got to protect yourself first, take care of fixing you and then you can you can help somebody else. So, and I so I love that. I I feel there's a lot of correlation. >> There is and all is and adding to that is it's like breathing, right? If you exhale, there is a moment when you have to inhale again because if you don't inhale, you are only exhaling, exhaling, exhaling. >> You will die. So, you need to inhale as well. So then you can exhale again. That >> that balance that go in and out, in and out. You know, I'll give you, but I take also I need to take care of myself. >> Yeah. >> And um you mentioned you take care of in your other side uh gig is um taking care of children and doing all your those service projects. That's another thing that was really impactful to me when I met you because I thought, oh my goodness, you mentioned about the sound of freedom. >> Yeah. And I that's one of the most imp impactful movies I've seen because you guys disclose in that movie the truth of what's going on. You know, it's ugly and people don't want to see ugliness, but unless we see it with our own eyes and and are aware of what's happening, >> nothing will be resolved. We need to be aware and I think you're doing an amazing job in doing that. >> Yeah. I wish I I wish I I had more with with with the movie. Um Tim Ballard, Paul Hutchinson, Andrew McCovven, um Jimmy Rex, um um Joseph Glee, um and I and I'll have to ask if we can actually use that for who they are, but um amazing men and women that um put up and did it. They did did the time I was able to come be as I was telling you the organization is when the movie was released in 23 was when I first started working with the organization. And I was actually was able to go to the um hidden heroes >> um >> um Gail Miller Miller family Miller group um she's an amazing lady. I don't know if people know what like how involved she is in our world in our community. She donated to give us a a theater to hold it in whatever we needed. Um she works with a lot of nonprofits. Um, Passionate Wings is one of one of the foundations that we we were working with. Um, and amazing. They they uh provide clothes and and things for women to um help them get ready for work, like to work clothes, you know what I mean? Like dress attire, um, a lot of women's stuff, hair products. Um, a lot of their and I can't I know they do a lot more. They help with housing. They It's a great organization. You talk Gail Miller works with them, does a lot. Um I assume what what I call a lot. I mean she's huge. >> Yes. Yes. Pretty impressive. >> The the Miller family gives back a lot to people in Utah. But thank you for that. It's been it's been it's been an honor to for them to even let me in this circle to let me even just I always say my role there I thought when when when I first started um spending time with Paul Hutchinson and we talked about the movie Sound of Freedom. Of course, I I hunt and I know how to use small arms, large caliber, semi, you know, black guns. And so, I totally thought I was going to be an operator. I thought for sure I was going to be jumping out of helicopters and I was going to have a cape on and doing all this cool stuff. And um Paul kind of did a a mock um assessment and he started talking about the children and he started talking about what it would take to be a full-fledged operator. And I started to cry. >> Yeah, I know. >> And I'm like, he goes, "Um, we're good." And I thought, "Okay, oh, did I do good?" And he goes, "Yeah, no." He goes, he goes, "No, you did horrible." And I'm like, "Well," he goes, "That is why you can't go." He goes, "We're going to have to find a different spot." So, he put me in the kitchen doing dishes. And >> hey, but you were there. >> I was there. And you felt like you have that sense of pride. >> They found they found a spot. I was in the rear with the gear and it was really great because it um taught me a lot about humility, pride and ego, right? Because I wanted to, you know, be be the front and center stage. I always felt like I was going to but I learned something so valuable in that time. The takeaway for me was um everybody everybody is needed. >> Mhm. And so either the whatever your commitment can be small smaller than most but bigger than others and just to help. I don't know if I heard it from you or someone. Oh, is is a friend she said we all have a position. Some of us is to champion other people. Some of us are the to be the leaders but we all have a position in life in or in any circumstance you know and it's an honor to be in whatever position we are assigned to. I think and >> even me sitting here right now in front of you, I feel so honored and >> just to be interviewed by you and >> and to feel the blessings from the organization by virtual with you even though I'm not directly involved but it's it's it's an honor. >> That's an honor. Thank you. I that I received that with love. Your light, you light my light. Thank you. >> I feel it. Um, are you surprised as as as I am like how the sound of freedom did not get any traction? I was like blown away and I tell people I ask everyone about it and it's not that I want to be recognized for my involvement with the with the child liberation. It's like I truly want to know, have you ever seen the movie? I asked you and and No. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I ask other people and everybody's like, "No, I don't think I've ever heard of it." And I'm like, "Are you kidding me?" >> I'm not surprised, but I am. Okay. So, 50% of myself is surprised. >> Yeah. >> And 50% is not. I'm surprised that it didn't take more traction basically because we need to know. It has to be there. It was big. It was powerful. It was um >> Jim Cavisel hit it out of the park. >> But what doesn't surprise me is Jesus Christ came and and and performed miracles. I always say this, he converted water into wine. >> He fed thousands of people with the fish on the >> on the mountain. The sermon on the mountain. Yeah. >> And they still deny him. >> Right. >> So if they didn't believe Jesus, why would they believe us? We are mortal and human beings. >> But like I said early on, you know, you guys are discussing something which is really ugly and people don't want to see it. Well, what I say to people is it's it's it's a hard watch, but it's also educational. I'm like you like I and I'm not try I I I have no affiliation with the movie anymore other than the fact I'm just a human being but I'm like I there was so much information that you could have got how to protect your kids understanding which is like your story you know um the a lot of the people I brought on this on this show was like I'm trying to tell people listen it can be you >> it can happen to anyone >> anyone >> anyone and it can happen anywhere here in Utah in beautiful. So this past weekend um I was in St. George with some girlfriends >> and one of my friends is hosting an Italian young woman and coming back I just felt the prompting to say hey be careful don't be trusting strangers and and those strangers they might be super nice but be careful because you are in a new surroundings you are hearing you is amazing but be careful so I just felt the prompt because we need to protect the children >> 100% and and the most The best thing you can do is educate yourself and to to because Steve I I think I spoke about him and other Steve um worked with Trump or President Trump. He was one of his security details. Um he was with the teams. He worked as security for the people in our in in in in the organization. I had the opportunity to spend time. In fact, Ethan Ethan trained with Steve Tranni and um Evan, my son, trained with Steve, my my ex-wife Michelle, we all had an opportunity um they brought us they brought Steve in to help train us and you know the one thing that Steve kept saying was if you get into a confrontation, you have already lost all the signs. It was like it is so avoidable if you know what to look for. you don't need to be 6' 4 300 lb, you know, carry around a bazooka or whatever. He goes, "All the signs are there." And he dumbed it down for me. >> He dumbed it down and said, "Listen, >> it is as simple as being aware. Get off your phone." >> That's exactly what I told her. I said, "So, because she's an international student, I said, "So, how long does it take to get from the bus stop to your to your house?" And I say, "10 minutes." Okay, do me a big favor. >> For those 10 minutes, do not look at your phone. Just be aware of surrounding and if you see someone strange and even nice smile and say >> just make sure that that person knows you are looking at that. >> Do you want to know why? >> Why? >> Because you are now a hard contact. Soft contact is somebody that's distracted. >> It's it's like if you look in the animal kingdom >> Mhm. >> when when confronted with a with a with a larger force, the animal puffs up. It displays aggression. Well, they they don't they're not going to pick on a girl that's looks like she's going to scream, kick, thing, bite. They want somebody that is looks weak. In the animal kingdom, they they they hunt the weak first. >> That's what predators do. And that's what I tell people like with your children when when they're at the park, like I can walk in the park and say, "That kid would be a candidate right there." >> And what I say to the I'll even talk to parents sometime if I have the opportunity somehow to make a conversation. And I'll be like, "You understand you on your phone and your kid is clear across that room. When was the last time you actually took and looked at them across the park?" >> Mhm. >> And they're like, "Wow, was, you know, it was only a minute." What if I told you that that I watched you and you were seven minutes. >> I timed it. I timed you for seven minutes that you were locked on to shorts, long form, watching my video, you know, but >> scrolling and I was like, "Seven minutes." You know what can happen in seven minutes? >> Yes. You know, I hate to do a part um um juxtop position in here, but just thinking about the weakest link, the victim, the weakest prey. That's what my ex-husband one time talk about now going into the relationship. Um, and I'm going to talk about this because even the most successful person outside externally, someone who looks who looks like he has their life together. >> I love where you're going. I love it. >> They It must be a woman or a man. It doesn't matter how intelligent, brilliant, self-sufficient you are. >> You might have some dependency in a very toxic relationship. Mhm. >> And in my particular case, it was narcissism. So he I overheard him telling his son one time, and that's not in the book, by the way, but he would always go to a bar in England because people socialize in pops, right? Okay. >> And he will always pick the quiet girl or the most the shest girl, which I thought, well, why me when I ca he came to Venezuela? Because I wasn't the quietest one. But I guess I was sweet and he could see sweetness and >> you know a perfect hunter will know how to manipulate the prey. >> You're a hunter. >> So people sometimes that's my one of my thesis in my book is it doesn't matter how successful your life look outside a lot of people who the most successful you are is because you are compensating with something inside >> inside your house and you know some kind of dependency. M I love that. >> Don't cut off toxic. >> Yeah. Okay. I love that. I'll have to spend some time with that and roll it around and look at it completely. And I I love that perspective. >> Yeah. Because what happens is you go outside to forget what you have inside. You want to forget the world and you needing to work. >> Yeah. >> And work, work, work. And then you become >> You're running away from a problem at home. >> Yes. You're >> drinking, alcohol, drugs, work. >> Yes. >> Food. >> Yes. And you can Yeah. You can do with food. you can overeat and then you put weight on. But the weight on is not because you are >> and and and just so you know, I'm not fat. It's just the widescreen on the camera. >> That's my production team and we're working on it. I told them to make me really tall. >> Make me tall, too. I'm short. I'm 5'1. I'm 74. >> Yeah. >> I love that perspective. >> Yeah. Um, and typically I'm not trying to uh make someone a villain, but they have their own voids. So they haven't and I was telling um Evan that no Evan um Ethan early on coming here that >> so we all have unresolved problem from childhood, >> right? >> And then we meet this wonderful marvelous king or prince or whatever you call or princess, >> right? >> You know, we don't resolve problem from childhood. We get together, we get married or we get together, we have kids and we give each child a smoothie from our when we put the problems together in the blender, every child has a smoothie. >> I've had this this argument or debate and they said no child is born bad. >> And that's true. >> Okay, so give it to me. >> That is true. No child is born bad. And then in those first two years, >> what about generational though? >> Because someone give them the software. Someone give them the the the traditions. You know what I mean? The the generational DNA. I call it generational. >> Okay. We're going to go somewhere right now. This is going to be a good one. >> Okay. >> Okay. So, you said until somebody gives them that. >> Yes. >> So, so my point to this is this. Fix yourself before you have kids. Heal it. Work on it. I say to the people all the time, you don't understand how impactful your the energy transfer between you and I. >> Super. Now change it. If I'd have been a toxic >> and I we we still trade energy for whatever reason you allowed it. Then you were like, "Oh, he just gave me this smoth of Oh. Oh, so I always say to people and to myself, check your energy. >> Mhm. >> So I say we go back to the children. If a person is tormented, tormented through through their life, they don't deal with it. They just keep adding to it and perpetuate. the minute they have a child, then it transfers down through the DNA. Just like hair color, eye color, the personalities, the traits, it all transfers. And I know it I know it to be true because I've talked to some really, really brilliant people that say, yes, you're right. >> Yes, you are right. >> And so I say to people, work on you. >> Well, you are absolutely right. And there is one person who leaves the eco chambers said this is not right anymore. Right. >> In my case, it took for me to have a child to see what's going on. So, when I have my child, that's when the aha moment. It was on her first birthday >> prior to the the birthday party. In Venezuela, we do big birthday parties. >> And like the Hawaiians, you know, the first baby lout. >> Okay. >> We do with It's a massive celebration. First year old birthday with alcohol. >> Oh, yeah. Okay. Right. So, we got really partying. >> Yeah. It's a real party. Anyway, so um um in my my story is a lot of alcohol involved, addictions, um gambling, horses, um lots of alcohol, um there is adultery as well. So I couldn't understand what was going on because in the past growing up I saw you are not an alcoholic. You drink beer. Come on. Only alcoholics are those ones who are on the floor, you know, they can't even function. But someone who goes to work and that's not an alcoholic. So that was the perception I had. And it took me to have a child to wake up because I couldn't understand what was happening. It destroyed me. I was um a troubleshooter. I love to, you know, troubleshoot problems all the time, but I couldn't shoot my own problem. And uh the harder I tried to earn my ex-husband's love, the worse it became. It was like I try hard, I try hard, I try harder, but nothing I did worked until one day I was so broken. I said, I can't do this anymore. And I'm stand that's the first scene in my book actually. I'm standing in this huge window looking at this lake and I'm lost in thoughts thinking what did go wrong? And my child is crawling on the floor and she touched my my leg. And when I look at her, well, I didn't tell you. I had waking up after hours sleeping because I've been abusing the sleeping tablets. I was for four months in bed. Jerry, totally depressed, thinking no one loves me. God, no. Even God loves me. I didn't think God loved me. Imagine that. The worst of the worst, God doesn't love me. So you're in bed for four months >> and in bed for four months. >> And when you say in bed for four months, literally literally >> in my own in my own in my own place, not in a hospital. So that means I lost four months of my child. >> And so >> how old was your baby at this time? >> She was going to be one. She was still a baby. >> Okay. >> So now I realize that probably it was two things happening, right? It was externally my marriage was crumbling. Internally I'm suffering of baby blues but I didn't know at the time >> postpartum depression >> postpartum depression additional which is huge. >> I was dealing with that >> and um of course >> it was it was the postpartum depression was bigger because what what I was experiencing I was outside and the pain was so unbearable of losing this project of life that I have with this man. This is what I dreamt of. I wanted to have this and now it's not happening. I was broke. I was depressed. I was so I numb myself with sleeping tablets, anxiety, and having a cocktail of anti-depressants and that put me in bed for 4 months. >> Did Did your culture being being born in Venezuela, did it support divorce or did it encourage staying? >> This is a funny question and I'll tell you why. Because the Catholics, I was Catholic at the time, they don't support divorce. >> Okay? >> In my family of origin, they don't support divorce because it's the failure of the family. >> And additionally to that, something I came to um understand later on whilst I was writing the book, it was that the music I listened to growing up, it glorified the dying of someone out of love. the giving, the self eraser and the more you suffer for someone, the more you love that person. >> That's music. >> So music I heard it was like the neuroplasticity, the programmation of you are six years old going into this school into the trans you know in the transport um school bus for 30 minutes kind of half sleep half awake because it's 6:00 in the morning and you're listening if I don't have you I will kill myself. I'd rather be on the other side and live without you, without your love. You know, it's and that's the type of music we hear over and over and over. >> So, the power of music correlates to your thoughts. >> Totally. It's it's it's affirmations, right? We talk now right now about affirmations. So, when you listen to a lyric over and over and over and over, the same thing, it really it really it wires your brain. >> Yeah. >> And you start to believe it. anxiety. Yeah. Well, I I talked to um and I'm a very strong advocate for meditation. >> Um people ask me, "How do you get grounded? >> Take your shoes off, take your socks off, and create the grounding." >> Let's do it. >> Breath work. I would love to. >> Okay, >> we will. We'll do it. As soon as we're done, we'll do a um breath work. Learning how to inhale, hold your breathing, exhale. And people are like, "What do you do when you're in that space?" I don't do anything. If my mind wants to go here, I allow it to go. But what I do is I control the breathing. And what I catch myself is it's like the DMT release to where you just come to a euphoria place. And the better you get at it, you like I focus right here on the pineal gland. >> And I try to bring the energy from from from from your buttock area up through. And I try to push it to the top of my to the top of my brain. And it's like bringing all that energy. So I'm soaking it up and bringing it up like pushing everything as hard as you can to the top. >> And it's really amazing. >> It is. You just remind me of once I have that aha moment. I decided I need to go and look for another type of therapy because I was in therapy with a shrink. He was the one who was supplying the medication, right? The tablets, the pills, the sleeping pills. >> And then I find the holistic therapies that get me into the meditation affirmations >> and that's when the transformation starts happening. The that's the first step of my trajectory. >> Yeah. what started you on writing the book which is about that we talked >> I love that because people are like medication Xanax um >> um and I'm not I'm not an advocate to not take medication this is not I'm not >> if you need it you need it >> right but I always say add it with a cocktail of powerful meditation like you have a pharmacy inside of your body everything you have is fixable I I I'm an advocate a lot of um the power of what your mind >> the placebo effect that somebody if you told one person walks out of a doctor's office and you mix up the diagnosis I tell you hey you know you were diagnosed perfectly >> a woman just like you was diagnosed with ovarian cancer breast cancer >> but I mixed them up and so I tell you >> hey you're you've got breast cancer cancer I tell this person you're fine you have clean bill of what's what it is. It's called a Dr. Hex. And they talk about all the time if you give somebody a placebo pill, the the sugar pill or whatever it is that that they they they think in their head it's going to help them. So I say to this >> if you're diagnosed with something doesn't don't make it your re don't make it don't say I have cancer. >> Correct. >> Say I've been told I always say well I've been told this but I don't like my my heart condition. >> Yeah. Your mind create your reality. Your mind creates your reality, >> you know. It's and that's what I work on. The first thing she did is therapy that she was an angel. Really, God was on my side. >> I love that >> she was because >> sometimes I think if I hadn't met her, would I be here today? >> Oh, >> and she was only with me for about three months because she she was pregnant. But in that transition when I was totally desperation for healing, she asked me to stop taking the medication. That was the first thing she did. And I says, "And I'm going to give you back flowers." Which I don't know if you know what bat flowers are. It's a back was a doctor who created some flowers to calm your nerves and your nerve system through drops. So you put the drops under your tongue, three drops and that calms you. So I did a lot of that and I did she asked me to write affirmations. >> So she read several affirmations to me and the three ones that I picked was God loves me. >> Mhm. >> Because I didn't believe God loved me. >> The second one was um everything is okay. I'm perfect as I am. And uh the dawn must come before the day shows up. So I have to wear those three affirmations for 21 days seven times. And the next exercise she gave me was like the book of affirmations and answers. So in one on one side of the book you write the affirmation and the on the other side you write the answer. So God loves me and the answer in my mind at the time was I don't believe this. And you do that, God loves me until you finally take out everything you have in your system. On the third day, I started feeling like God really loves me. >> Mhm. >> It was very powerful. >> I love that. >> It was very powerful when I started feeling that I was okay because God loves me. Then she um she was pregnant and she told me, "Listen, I'm going on maternity leave, but you need other help. I can't help you alone. You need a community." That's when I learned that you need a tribe behind you. >> Yeah. >> And that's another thing I said, in order to heal, >> to get to your to your wellbeing, you need four pillars. >> God, >> four pillars. God >> therapy >> your tribe your community the one that will help you heal and movement exercise >> y >> breathing the vastness this what we have here this grandiosity of God's creation >> y >> so those four pillars are the >> what was your fourth >> god therapy neuroplasticity >> okay >> the community and the tribe and movement >> movement okay I missed the movement part >> movement and by movement talk about exercising being in the outdoors. That's why this is also a blessing that we are here because I love the outdoors. >> Yeah. Do you do mirror work? Are you familiar with it? >> No. Maybe I do, but just tell me more. >> That's okay. So, um, one thing that I I when I work with people is I talk to them about doing mirror work >> and it's you do it in the morning. The first thing before you look at your phone, before you do anything, you set your day off >> with loving yourself. M. >> So, you go to the mirror and you look at yourself like you and I look at each other and I would say >> to myself, "I'm proud of you. I love you. Um, you're amazing. You're going to make today the most amazing day in the world, but you're also going to do something for someone else to make their day amazing." And it was so surprising how many people can't do it. >> Wow. >> I would say one in one in five can do it. >> Jerry, you know why? Because you are intentional, you wake up with purpose. And like I always say, I mean I I do it differently. I I just do it through affirmations and I close my eyes through meditation. I said I am powerful. I am beautiful. Meaning be beautiful from all areas, right? >> I am a beacon of light. And then I purposely and intentionally set my day to to be a good person in front of everyone who is in front of me >> with my customers, with my bosses, to the with the one that serve me a bacon >> y >> sandwich or with anyone the one who crosses on the traffic and you know so I rather do this than use the fingers you >> right use use more fingers than what I love that I love that if the world if everybody took that same philosophy is everybody woke up in the morning no matter where you are and you adopted breath work. So I I do either meditation or breath work depending on you know how it all lays out but I really intentionally try to do that and I can tell you my day is always a lot better when I get my my my self centered to what I actually want it to look like. manifestation. You and I talked about manifestation >> and how important it is what what you tell yourself >> and the stories you tell yourself, right? If you tell yourself today is going to be a bad day no matter what I do, >> you end up with it. Um I was told something happens in threes, like three things at once. And I'm like, well, the reason why that is is because you manifested it. You needed to see three bad things before things got better. And I so I say to people, Dr. Joe Despensza, >> I love Joe Despensza. I love Joe Despensza. So we are >> Joe Despensza is is amazing. Ed Milelet the He started me on this journey. Um uh the power of one more. >> Mhm. Like >> Yes. I Yes. we talking >> Edmlet um really changed my life because he said you know his father changed his life and his father was was was what we call an alcoholic um and he would say to his dad he said dad are you going to drink today and he goes I am not going to drink today didn't say I quit drinking he just said I wasn't going to quit today and his dad had been sober for like 15 years and at his funeral all these people started showing up and to to when his father passed away. And I believe I got this story right. So Ed, if it's wrong a little bit, just work with me. I'm I'm doing the best. But but his but everybody would talk about how his father would drag people out of bars and you know, you don't have any idea of how powerful what your dad did for me. And I just >> I love I love to be mentored. I love to look at people Dr. Joe Despensza, Lewis House. Um >> um um Oh my gosh. >> Do you ever read Wayne Dyer? >> Oh, Wayne Dyer is Oh, wow. >> I read his first book when I was 12. >> Yeah. >> I was 12 years old. Yes. >> And I read your erroneous sons. >> Yeah. >> And then I saw his trajectory from like the doctor, a very traditional doctor to the spiritual world. >> It was like, oh. So I walked there. Yeah. >> The the work with him and uh one of the most wonderful books I he wrote before he passed in August four years ago I think. >> Yeah. >> Um it was everything has a spiritual solution. >> Yes. >> And his work still here. Um >> what a legacy >> is love. It's all love. >> That's all love. >> There are two things in this life only really. >> Yep. >> Fear and love. >> Right. We fear to lose what we love. That's why fear is the only thing. Even when we are angry about something, we are super irrated because we I'm I'm fearing to lose a contract. >> Yeah. >> And then what's the fear be what's the emotion behind the fear of losing the cont love? >> Yeah. >> My attachment to that, my love to that, you know. >> So, >> yeah, it's it's a beautiful thing. >> Wayne Dyer, >> my mentor. my mentor since I was 12. And I'm so grateful for Wayne Dyer's work because >> although I didn't see exactly what was happening to me, he was kind of a a light at the end of the tunnel that something there was something there for me, you know. Um so hopefully people can also find his work because >> oh well when we talk about these people that we the information that we consume creates us >> um a lot of the most some of a lot of people that I've worked with said one thing you become the five people you hang around with. >> That's true. I believe that completely. And so be very choose very wisely of the people that you allow into your noggin, >> you know. And it's funny that you're saying this because um today I was speaking to someone who is also writing a book and >> my book is in um copy editing right now. >> And what is your book based on? It's based on the like I was telling Evan you know when we when we were coming here in the ex uh surface is about relationships about toxicity about domestic violence is about codependency. >> So in the domestic violence part of it >> there's there's there's two different types correct there is physical >> Yes. >> and emotional. >> Yes. Both. Yes. So the whole um before I there is a scene where in my book where is the physical violence but it was like a systematically built up to get to this moment you know all this breaking my emotions my my identity identity one step at a time. I've when I've when I've um worked with with women who have been in that and men too but more more women than men um >> I would say eight out of 10 women would would prefer physical um violence over mental and when it came to domestic domestic >> I would say yes to me it happened one time he hit he didn't hit me he kicked me >> right >> he kicked me. He was super drunk. He kicked me so badly that my whole back was full of bruises the following day. >> And later on in therapy, uh perhaps two years after that happened, the therapist asked me, "Why didn't you tell the police or go to the hospital?" And I says, "Because I didn't have blood. No, no one would have believed me. I was ashamed." >> Well, women are supposed to take that, right? Men are supposed >> But but you know what? men, women or not. I was I was being sarcastic when I said as to the audience right now. Listen, don't put up with it. >> Well, and that's my message. Look at me right now. You would never think that happened to me and people see me and I'm happy. I am always joking. But I'm not this person. I mean, the person that was before, >> right? The broken person. >> The broken one. So, why am I doing this? Because my hope for 50% of me really because it's 50/50 >> is validation when I was writing the story which it was extremely painful to write the story not because uh it's still affecting me that was over 20 years ago but because as an a heal you know person now someone who is healed >> yeah a healer you're a healer yes >> but to look back I said how did I put myself in those situations is negotiated did it's like I don't believe I did and there is something very um important in my story when I started writing the story I start in third person I talk about me in she she she Lucy this Lucy that she did this she did that she was crying and then kind of by the middle of the book I transition between she to I and that's not grammar device that's not marketing that was I could not write the story because I was like on honestly I feel like I was dissociation from that identity and then when I almost overdose and I wake up because in the middle of that almost unintentional overdose overdosish I prayed and I asked God to let me leave to tell the story and to do it differently for my child and I could cut the traditions I woke up and I felt a new woman. >> So, do you think you had an NDE, >> a near-death experience? >> Do you feel like when you prayed cuz you said you almost overdosed? >> Yes. >> And when I asked people this question, they had that transformational >> rebirth. >> Most of the people once we kind of work with them, they they're like, "Oh my gosh, I may have had a near-death experience where you said you prayed." >> I did. And so so explain that to us. >> Okay. Because the reason why I say straight away no is because I never saw the light. I never saw the angels coming. And you know >> the angels are coming. >> Everything is different. >> But my heart was slowing down. My breathing was slowing down. I knew that was something was wrong with my body. All what I was doing was after I been in with this doctor, right? And I detox my body from the sleeping tablets. I decided one more time to take one more time the same dosage I was taking at the time just to not for one more night not to feel the pain. I just want to sleep. My ex-husband had had left me. He left me. He was working in Libya at the time, North Africa. And uh I just didn't want to feel pain anymore. So I took all these um anti-anxieties. It was a clonapan. And the dosage I took was so high that it could have really I wouldn't be sitting here. But I back in the day I was Catholic. I have this our lady from Mexico and Venezuelan. But I just love this um dark lady, darkkinned lady called Guadalupe. And I prayed >> to the statue >> to the statue and a candle that please ask your son Jesus to speak to the father to not let me die because whatever the mother asked the son >> Mhm. >> the son will listen to his mother. >> I love that. So I did pray hard at night and I fell asleep in my pray and I promised that if I would wake up alive I would talk about Jesus and Heavenly Father for the rest of my life every day. And guess what? Even today I speak about them with customers. >> Yeah. >> Because even though I'm at work, I'm having a spiritual experience. >> I love that. And I woke up alive and it was like Christmas carol. >> Yeah. >> That was when I started writing in with I >> Yeah. >> It was an integration of identity. Now I could see now this is me. Now I'm doing the work. I went to 12 steps. You talk about um um Ed Miller having a alcoholic father and only for one more you know one >> one more one more >> Ed more >> the power of one more >> adlet >> that's the power of one more hour so I started embolding the one day at a time from the 12 steps because I went to the 12 steps funny story though this is a funny story >> so she tells me I need to go to a alcoholic anonymous >> and I like well yeah yeah yeah and then I Oh, try to save my ex-husband. Right. >> Right. >> So, the alcoholics, they share and um this is funny. So, uh everyone was sharing. I was, "Oh, I feel like that. I feel like that." Wow. It's interesting how everyone feels the same, right? Like different house but different same dynamic. >> The same. Yeah. >> And then at the end of the meeting, they asked in the circle if anyone >> wants to declare themselves alcoholic. And I raised my hand and they were like, "Wait, do you drink like no I don't >> but then you are not an alcoholic but I feel like that >> I want to I love that." >> And then that's when I learned that there was another group >> Alanon. Alanon >> and in Alanon I arrived there but then you know I felt like I was made a fool >> because you're because you're you're aa now. So now it's like >> Yeah. So I felt I made a fool of myself and um when they asked the same question I was like I'm not going to say I am this Alanon. Plus one thing that really got me Jerry was that they keep saying detach detach from and I thought how can you love someone and detach >> right >> you know how don't you want to save your husband or a mother who has an alcoholic son and she has to detach from him like that's not love. Mhm. >> You see, I saw that love was erasing yourself, shrinking, you know, almost an elation of yourself, >> right? >> And then there was a lady that this is kind of godsend because there was another lady in that meeting, she was Alanon, and she said, "Listen, Lucy, this group is for you definitely, but there is another group I want you to visit. I want to take you there." Well, she took me to this other group called Koda Codependent Anonymous. >> Codependence Anonymous. Okay. >> 12 steps. And when I arrived in that group, I thought, okay, that kind of got me more >> and I saw fe people from different walk of life, doctors. That's when I said codependency is a condition that attacks anyone in our society. you can be the best football player and suffer a codependency. >> So expand on codependency. >> Codependency is a condition. >> It's a kind of a programmation that you have in in in your brain in in your paradigm that says that you have to forget yourself in order to take care of someone else. >> Oh wow. >> What we were talking about. >> Yeah. Lose yourself. >> Lose yourself to save someone. >> Relationship. Yeah. I will. My mask goes first to the child in the brain that before I do it to myself. Yeah. >> Which, you know, I get it. But you have to take care of yourself first. >> Got to put the life jacket on yourself first before someone else. And realize if they're trying to take your jacket off, >> that that's probably not the person you want to be with, >> right? And that's the thing with codependency. Codependence is not only I take uh I I stop taking care of myself to take care of someone, but I take care of someone that hurts me. >> Right? That's the difference because I want to be dependent of God. I want sometimes to forget myself like the scripture says and live God's life. Right. >> Right. >> So of course the work of dependency was like but I don't do any drugs like denial completely even though I was doing the sleeping tablets. Right. >> Right. >> And um eventually I accepted that I was codependent. It took me like a month. Well the funny part of this lady who took me there no one knew who she was. she disappeared. >> Isn't that so amazing when Yeah, I've had a few of those. >> So, when I think about that, those moments when you, you know, I'm 58 >> and I look back of moments like that that are impactful in your life and if you take them like the butterfly effect, if you take them out of the story, what where would you be right now? >> Right? the lady, the first lady, Anna, >> the the holistic therapist, this lady who took me to Kod, if she hadn't been in that meeting in Alanon, I wouldn't have ended up in Koda. >> Yeah. >> And then Koda, that's when I start doing the whole hard work. The 12 steps. Are you familiar with the 12 steps? >> Yeah, I am. The AA actually has a 12step program, too. And I don't know if they're exactly the same. >> They are exactly the same. It's the difference is we change >> um the word alcohol for codependency relationships >> and um it's powerful when you work the four step. I work the fourth step is when I like oh it's when you start taking accountability that the other one is not so bad maybe I have a part in the story too right so you you stop doing this >> and then you have three fingers like >> back to yourself >> when what is the part I play in the story because I do have a part >> isn't that so beautiful >> it gives you freedom when you can be vulnerable and understand that part of that is your own creation. >> Yeah. With your light, you light someone else's light. With your knowledge, you pass on something to say, "Hey, you're on this show." Besides the fact that I really like you and I love your energy and it's so addictive. >> Thank you. But with your light, you're sharing it with all the people that are willing to watch this and go, how do we how do we share our stories with people to understand everybody's going through something? And you you you've watched the shows. I bring people from all different walks of life. I'm not targeting one specific. I'm showing people that are billionaires to to the people that don't even have, you know, but everybody's story is still the same, you know, and so I so I was like because I kept hearing it, you know, I would I was been been working in this working at this being a being an advocate, being a um crisis counselor, working with families, working with things. Everybody's like, "You're so good at it." And I'm like, "No, I've just lived it." You know what I mean? It's like, you can't tell a story unless you've been there. >> Exactly. >> How did you get out? >> How did I get out? >> How did you get out? >> Because of the four pillars, God. >> Yeah. >> And when you do the 12 steps, 12 out of the 12 10 mention um superior, a higher being, >> right? whatever you want to call God, you know, >> Holy Spirit advocate, you could call him energy. >> I have my new community, the 12 steps. >> I have a the a therapist. I changed therapist. And then I started going out into, you know, drinking more water, >> getting in the outdoors, walking, exercising, >> exercising, which right now I work wake up at 4:30 in the morning to go to the gym. >> And doesn't it feel amazing? It feels like I conquered the world. >> Yeah. So Jake was the first on our show started me. >> Oh yes, I remember that show. >> Yeah. And he is very great. >> He made me cry quite a few times when I was listening to his story. Very >> right. Here's a here's a monster of a man that and his father his story about his dad. I I know I'm going to bring him back on because we didn't even go the where the road that we truly wanted to what I wanted to go was him to talk about his relationship with what his father >> I love to bring the show the three of us because I can talk about that and I feel like he has a very beautiful healing >> relationship in the end you know and that's my point look at him >> he is a gigantor right >> from the exterior and internally he was >> broken >> and that's you know It doesn't matter. Codependency, toxicity, doesn't discriminate. >> Jake and I had the same experience that you and I had. >> Really? >> Yeah. We we we hadn't known each other very long when we did the interview, but we had that experience. And we were up to my um Safe Haven private vaults. We have a private vault up at the Lamborghini Bentley dealership. And Jake was in there putting some things in his his uh box. And uh I kept seeing him. He wore dark glasses. he would come in, you know what I mean? And like, oh my gosh, he looks like the rock. And he was just right in, right out, you know what I mean? And um, man, I just kept feeling like I I want to I I got to talk to him. So, I did. We had this most amazing the experience. And it was cuz I was curious and I was prompted to talk to him. And all of a sudden, he he called me because we exchanged, you know, pleasantries in the lob and some things. and he called me afterwards and he's like okay that was that that was weird and he goes I I want to I let's meet. So we met later and we had this huge conversation he and I and I was >> and then I started to understand like his father had um developed a lot of the uh um curriculum for the jails and the prison systems and super super amazing man. And Jake Jake's watching all this as a from a from a young child watching his dad like um um just being on the forefront of his father's work and we're working on some things right now to actually start putting him back into that space where pick it up where his father left. >> That's beautiful. >> So then so but but the flip side is I said okay I I'll be a part of that but you got to train me. He goes let me just tell you something. >> I will train you as long as you commit. Mhm. >> And so he checks on me like sometimes we lift together my son Evan and I and stuff and he's always progress like okay what's your body density? What are you doing right now? We're down 22 lbs. >> Oh wow. >> And is but but I have a great a great my my girlfriend right now. She's a a a personal trainer. She's training for a body support. >> Oh yeah. We just hang out like I said the five people you hang out with. So it's like you know five days a week at the gym nutrition. I'm always coming out with cookies and cakes and they're all like, "No, you know, we're calling Jake." Everybody always >> Have you read the book Atomic Habits? >> No. >> You need to read that book. It talks about that a lot. We all have um motivation. >> Motivation is I'll do it. I'll go. I'll go. That's why everyone goes to the gym on January 1st, right? But it's discipline, >> right? >> And for the discipline is the process behind the discipline. So, if I know that I will I will wake up at 5:00 in the morning to go to the gym, but on the way to the gym, I stop in this counter full of cookies, I will probably grab a cookie. >> So, the process is move your route to another one so you don't get the cookie. It's just a the process, a system that you create. >> So, uh is one of our one of the the people I she's a she's getting ready for a competition. She's like super fit. Gabby, she's super fit. Um, one thing that was interesting when I started to understand like how do you get and Jake also like how do you get super lean? I mean because on these competitions they are flat out >> Yes. Um what they said was is be be um deliberate in your choices like you were saying that like >> make a mental thing like I am going to do this >> and um there's a group of them that's like a it's a culture and they all like you're accountable everybody is like where are you at like they trade um they trade their um body fat like um like you would ask how what color car do you drive like they talk about all the time and it's like I'm at you know 8% % right, you know, my moisture or something. I'm like, "Oh my gosh." Like I I It took me a long time and I said, "What? What is that?" >> Your V2 max, all of that. Yes. >> Oh, yeah. They're just >> So when Yes. When you were in that that group, you talk about V2 max, body fat percentage, >> and they ask me stuff and I'm like, I don't know. Mine's a seven. >> Seven? Wow. >> No. No. I had just come over the number and they're like, "No, you're not. You're more like a 35." And I'm like, "Oh, yeah. Yeah. Is that good?" and they're like, "No, >> no, >> no." >> I want to say thank you for taking the time out of your life to share your story. I know we've kind of touched on the book. >> That's okay. It's what it came out. >> I I I hope that people see this and go, we've got to check out Lucy's book. >> I hope my hope I was telling you 50% of me was the validation to myself that I wasn't crazy because I heard it so many. You're crazy. You're crazy. you're crazy. He told me I was crazy >> and you told yourself you're crazy. >> I believed it, right? >> He told me and I believed it. I gave him that power. But 50% of me is also to be the bridge for those women or men so they can recognize and me being the bridge to recognize themsel and take action. My book is not about self-help. My book is not how to get out of any toxic relationship. My book doesn't advocate about that. is just a mirror recognition. So they kind of like a four steps um the fourth step and doing the fifth step uh in the 12 steps. So um just talking about my inventory to for them to recognize and then be the bridge for them to take action and look for whatever help they need whether it's safety space or a professional expertise. Do you believe that anywhere you anywhere somebody is is always an opportunity to grow? >> Absolutely. It's all depending on what what Yes. To me, >> I'm grateful to my ex-husband, you know, because he was the catalyst for my transformation. >> Your ex-husband was a catalyst for your >> and I love him for being in that moment in my life and and and go through that because if he that hadn't happened, >> I wouldn't be here today. Yeah. >> So that was the catalyst and it was I thank him for being my teacher. The mirror I needed that holding up the mirror. >> Hold the mirror up. >> Mhm. >> Yep. I so love that. Some of the things when I work with crisis people um everybody, not everyone. That's not the word I want to use. The word I want to use is um there's a bigger percentage of them says you don't understand. >> Mhm. you it's easy for you to be where you are, but you don't understand where I am. And I'm and I'm I'm like, "Okay, explain it to me." >> And they'll say, you know, financial and everything. And I and I and I say this, I'm like, every story that we have that I have done so far up to this point, I've had everybody from I've had all different things, all different people, all where they come from, where they live, Venezuela, you know, and it's all say the same thing. The story is still the same. >> It's universal. >> It's the universal one. So >> fear stopped them from taking action. That's why they say you don't understand. >> Fear stops them from taking action. So that's one thing and and the minute that you conquers that fear and you face it face to face and say you know what I I I I'm so broke that I have nothing left. >> Y >> that's when you take action. Y >> and one thing I want to say in this interview I think it's really important is >> you can create safety to get out of a bad relationship and get out but if you don't work on yourself that you me you will repeat the story yep >> and you will end up again in another toxic relationship so you need to go and do the work >> or alcoholism or smoking or overeating whatever it is whatever your vice is >> yes in my case I was addicted to relationship bad relationships dependency right if I didn't hadn't done the work I would have picked in China America Venezuela the same person again with a different name different nationality different color different but essentially the same person >> and uh so yes that's what I will say do the work and embody the work because when sometimes when I say embody the work is when you are in that limiter space between intellectual and heart. You know it but you don't embody. You might know you are codependent but you are not acting against you know in pro to leave codependency. >> You might know you are an alcoholic but unless you say one day at a time and stop the bottle >> Yeah. >> nothing will change. >> So as we come to a close >> Mhm. >> if there's one conversation that we can have in the world that's that's not being being had right now, what would that conversation be? >> Love. Love. >> Love yourself first. >> Love comes from inside. >> Right. >> Fill yourself with love. >> Yep. >> Just forgive. >> Mhm. >> Be empathetic. >> How about curious? How about be curious? >> Very curious. Yes. Ask people. >> Yep. I I I spoke um last week. Um we were we were recording um couple podcasts. Had some super amazing guests. Super excited about it. after we were wrapping up um there was a group of of children young young adults having a fireside LDS church where they come up I believe it was a fireside or something that was going on and they came and saw us sitting here and they started they were very curative they were where's Waldo or something and we had an opportunity to have the conversation like us and I talked to them about um um taking yourself out taking yourself out of the equation leaving this world and I tried to say outlast the temporary because this too is temporary and every situation is overcomeable. >> Mhm. >> And but you have to want to do it. >> Mhm. >> And recognize where you are and also be like be okay to ask for help. 2018, Mother's Day of 2018 was when I had my my life changing. Um, I decided that I wasn't going to be here on this planet and um, I was very successful financially. Um, I had more than abundance in my life, but I had this big hole in the middle of me from the things I had done. I went to a a place that I loved in Spanish for cut by the cross. There's a cross. and uh decided that this was where I would take my last breath. And I remember that I had that feeling of the angels came. They came to me and I just had this warmth of sensation. And one thing that stands out in that whole thing was when the angels were like, "You will do something so great if you stay to impact the world and you would make a difference." And I'm like, you know, the things I've done. How can I ever look at myself in the mirror, the terrible human being I have been, people I've hurt, and it was like this too shall pass. if you're willing to do the work and go for it. Fast forward now, um, eight years later, I'm I'm I'm interviewing some of the most amazing people on the planet and I get to meet beautiful people like yourselves and get to hear these stories about how you can make a difference in this world. And I feel so blessed that you would take the time out of your life to be vulnerable. And I hope that someone in the world gets this. >> Thank you, J. >> I wish people were sitting here feeling this energy that is that is here. We create sacred space and we talk about our brother and people like why do you do this? >> You know why? Because you are holding space for people. You are giving them permission to be vulnerable. And by sharing their experiences, they give permission to others to come forward. >> You are a beacon of light, Jerry. >> Thank you. >> You are an amazing light for other people. You're illuminating the darkness in their path. >> Thank you. That's all I ever like people ask me and it's like, does this show feed your ego? And I'm like, I never wanted to do this show. I didn't. I asked everybody else to do it. And I kept getting they said, you are the one that has to do it. It's you. They can't be you. >> I don't see this is feeding your ego. I don't think I don't >> I don't think ego is in this. I think honestly is is you're holding a candle for people. You are giving them a platform, a permission to share their powerful stories so others can recognize and you give them permission to come forward. That's what you're doing. It's not ego, it's love. >> I love you and thank you for being on this show. So, we'll get to it. >> Well, it's time to come to a close. Um, I want to say thank you to Lucy coming on the show. Thank you for my team, my family. I want to thank our sponsors, RES Western Wear, Western Outfitter out of Spanish Fork, Utah. They have a a hat for you to wear to keep the when you're out training, they give you a little um a gift card. I would like to thank my sponsors for their continual support for the show. I would like to personally thank RES Western Outfitters. I would like to thank Supercloud Energy, Transcend Energy. I would like to thank Highark Insurance, Safe Haven Private Vaults. I cannot tell you how impactful your help has been to the show. And most of all, two things. My guests, the show wouldn't be anything without the with beautiful without beautiful people like you willing to be vulnerable on camera because it's it's it can be a little bit much. I would also truly say to to all of you, thank you for liking and subscribing. It's because of you that we're able to keep this going. And one person I have not said thank you to, but I want to say thank you to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. >> Amen. >> Um, where does the power come? Where does the strength come from? Him. I would never if you would asked me 30 years ago that I would have the the relationship with him, I would have been like that dude doesn't even exist. >> But I can tell you he does for me and and that is the most amazing relationship that I have is is hanging is is being with him, hanging out with him, asking him questions and guidance. So, I just want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart for you taking the time to watch this and supporting our channel. And thank you from the bottom of my heart. We'll see you on the next one.