foreign we are going to look at how emotional intelligence can be cultivated like we have studied many researchers believe that emotional intelligence is not predetermined or genetically inherited like IQ they believe that we can actually cultivate emotional intelligence in this short lecture we are going to look at the ways emotional intelligence gets cultivated research has shown that emotional intelligence is associated with a secure style of attachment it was bolby who first put forth the concept of attachment styles these are patterns of relationships between parents and children these patterns are formed because of the typical and repetitive ways in which parents respond to their children's needs and bolby talked about four such patterns the secure attachment style is the healthiest attachment style where children feel safe and are easily comforted by their parents presence such parents are well attuned to the needs of their child they provide the safe base that children need in order to explore the world the second attachment style is the anxious attachment style where children seek their parents after separation but they are not soothed or comforted even when they are with the parent the third attachment style is the avoidant attachment style wherein children avoid contact with the parent after separation and also sulk when they are with the parent finally the disorganized style of attachment is one where the child might be subjected to neglect or abuse or may have experienced early parental absence or loss such children may show alternate clinging and sulking our early attachment styles are reflected in our later relationships with our spouses partners and Families securely attached children are the most emotionally intelligent this is because in their interactions with their own parents they have seen models of attuned behavior and have learned how to be empathic they have developed an internal working model of empathic responding which they replicate in their own relationships let us now see some ways in which we can improve our own ability to work with our own emotions the first is self-monitoring self-monitoring means to maintain an awareness of our own changing moods and emotions it must be helpful to maintain a diary in which we write down how we are feeling at different points during the day the diary should have a record of what the activating event was that led to that change in mood it should have a column about what were the thoughts or beliefs that we were entertaining when that event happened which caused the mood or emotion finally it should have a record of how much our mode changed on a scale of 1 to 10 where one indicates very little change and 10 indicates a huge change such self-monitoring will make us more effective at Discerning our own emotions and realizing the consequences of our own thoughts the second is self-regulation to manage distressing emotions you might be experiencing distressing emotions like anxiety or anger from time to time once you become aware of what situations cause you to be most distressed you can try and avoid these situations if that is not possible you can try and focus on the non-distressing aspects of the situation for example if you are anxious about an upcoming examination you can take stock of all that you have learned well and reduce the threatening self-talk which increases your anxiety alternatively you might plan your studies and congratulate yourself at the end of each day of study about what you have accomplished for Anger Management also you can identify situations that make you angry and avoid them if it is not possible to avoid them every time you feel anger Rising within you can take a step back and allow yourself to relax take some time out from that situation listen to soothing music if possible until you calm down once your mind is calm it can help you look at the situation in a better manner it might help you to empathize with the person who did something that made you angry and once you understand their Viewpoint your anger might reduce if this does not happen you might want to try assertiveness skills like telling the person specifically what makes you angry in a non-blaming forthright manner while not losing your temper thirdly communication learning to communicate in an assertive open and authentic manner being ready to listen to the other person's Viewpoint calmly and being willing to repeat yourself in order to get your point across are also helpful skills to improve emotional intelligence problem solving when interpersonal problems arise it is important to set aside a time to talk about the problem clearly and openly breaking down the problem into smaller specific problems is the first step Define these problems in solvable rather than unsolvable terms generate solutions to these problems and try to agree on modifying behaviors that are contributing to the problem while discussing about the problem convey to the person that it is those specific behaviors that you are angry with and not with the person after modifying the behavior meet again to discuss if the situation has changed and acknowledge your success if it has by using the above strategies we can enhance our own emotional intelligence it also helps us to build more productive and mutually satisfying relationships and with this we come to the end of our topic on cultivating emotional intelligence hope you find these little tips and suggestions useful thank you take my