Unlock the secrets of success in your life with Dr. Jamone Glenn. As your personal leadership coach, he'll propel you beyond limits, guiding you to pursue greatness. Gain access to the kingdom keys and insights to ignite wisdom in your life. each week on Wisdom Wednesday. >> Just like that, we're back. Babe, >> we never left >> what we was talking about. So, so most of us, most people have a picture of the relationship they want, right? >> But rarely do they stop to ask where did they get that picture from? >> Yes. Did it come from your parents? Did it come from >> grandparents? >> Your grandparents? Did it come from your previous relationships? >> Did it come from social media? Did it come from a book that you read? >> It did. >> Or a movie or culture or music or >> Yeah. All those things, >> right? triggers >> sometimes like or disappointments. Yeah. >> Sometimes the picture of the relationship that you want comes from so many places other than God's original plan and his original blueprint. So tonight we about to talk about that, right? because we've been discussing that and we've discovered >> that a lot of people >> um don't intentionally choose >> the type of relationship >> that they desire, right? They just unconsciously >> it's magical >> repeat the one they inherited or the one they came out of or move from one to the next one and go back to the next one and they keep having new relationships, new people, same relationship. Huh? >> So, tonight we're going to deal with the wisdom of the blueprint. That's what we going to deal with. And how to get God's blueprint on your relationship relationships, right? And that's so important because we're asking one question. What are you building? >> Cuz we got to be building, y'all. We can't be just >> building >> willy-nilly through life, >> man. So, if you know somebody that that's going to touch, why don't you tag them right now? Let them know we in here. All right, let them know that tonight that's what Wisdom Wednesday is about. Welcome, welcome, welcome to Wisdom Wednesday from all over the world. We're so glad that you're here tonight. So glad that you're rocking with us and that you showed up. And my wife is back as you can see. You glad to be back? >> Hey y'all. >> You like being here? >> I do like being here. It's a little weird, but >> what's a little weird about >> just because I'm not used to, you know, being here on Wednesday? >> Well, I'm glad you're here. We're going to continue this conversation in the series, the wisdom for every relationship. And of course, we can't cover every relationship, but whether you're single, dating, engaged, married, tonight is for you. You better come on in. >> Cover the whole spectrum and getting it in. So, if you're new to Wisdom Wednesday, we say welcome, welcome, welcome. Thank you for being with us tonight. If you're watching on Instagram, you see half my face, half her face, >> or show, >> right? Go to YouTube. It's better there, right? Uh we're building this community of wisdom seekers and Lisa helps us moderate. You can follow her and see her on there. She's typing all the things. >> Thank you so much, Lisa. >> That's right. So, we don't just seek information here. We actually seek wisdom through God's word. So, tonight you will not be disappointed. I'm excited to get it in. We're going to help you examine God's blueprint. We had to learn this. We didn't necessarily, and I don't want to get ahead of the >> Okay, let's not let's not do that. >> But we didn't necessarily learn this. >> We did not have all of the answers. >> That's right. We still don't have them all right now. We still learning right now. But whether you're using a a old blueprint, uh, you're actually capable of producing a new one based on the relationship that you desire. So, all right, we're not going to give it to you all now, but by the time we finish, you're gonna be able to answer. >> You're going to be good. >> What am I building? Why don't y'all just put that in the chat just so we all on the same page? What am I building? >> Building. How about this one? Where did my blueprint come from? >> Okay, that's a reflection right now, >> right? You might want to pause for a second before you keep on going and ask yourself, >> right? But is God's wisdom literally trying to help shape the paradigm of our relationships because that's that's what's so significant and so important. So, like we said, share share share. Let somebody know that we here here. And uh if you want to find where this lives, it lives where on our YouTube channel. Okay, that's where you could go. >> And then hit subscribe, right? So that when it comes up, ding ding ding, you're already there. >> Speaking of subscribe, go to our website, my website, and subscribe and you can get her newsletter, my newsletter. We send you information, keep you encouraged, right? Don't keep all this good wisdom to yourself. Don't share with somebody. Hey, tell me in the comments, what season are you in right now? Are you single? Are you dating? Are you engaged? We want to know who is here. Are you married? Are you single? You engaged? You married? You single? You ga You engaged? You're dating? You married? Uh, you building? You waiting? You healing? Right. Come on. I want to know. I want to know. Let's see who's in the room and let's make sure that we are connected. We got a lot of great great people here from all across >> the world. And so, we about to get into it. I always do that for at least five minutes to get everybody here. Now we here proverbs 4 and7. Thank you for letting us know where you coming from. 4 and 7 is where we build the foundation of scripture. And James 1 and5. 4 and 7 says wisdom is the principal thing. Therefore get wisdom and in all your getting >> get an understanding. >> Get an understanding. Then James 1 and5 says it like this. If any of you meet us lack wisdom, all we got to do is ask God and he will give it to us. >> Hallelujah. Thank you. That's why we pray the simple prayer every time before we teach and that is God give us wisdom. Can you drop it in the chat so I know we all hear and say it out loud. Yeah, I know that's right. >> Okay, say it. God give us wisdom. Give me wisdom. We need wisdom. We need wisdom. We need >> wisdom. All right. So, God's going to give us wisdom. And here it is. Quick series recap. If this the first time you've been here, first week become. We go back and watch it. >> Who are you? It was good. Y'all been watching it. >> Who are you becoming? Right. So before it's a wei, it's a me. >> Me turning a wee. But before it's a wee, it's a me. So who are you becoming? Before you consumed became consumed with finding the right person, before you want to get into, you know, who you want to boo with, who are you? >> Week two, choose. You got to choose, right? We ask, who are you building with? Right? Who's your purpose partner? Who is your builder? >> Who is your builder? Who's helping you build and what you're building? >> Okay. >> Because what you're building should determine >> determine who you going to build it with >> with. So when you're looking, you're not just looking for legs and thighs and hips >> or muscles. >> Yeah. All that you looking for somebody >> dark and handsome >> that can build with you, right? And you want to make sure that you're building. So tonight we're going to take it another step. Like we said, we're going to deal with the blueprint because you can become the right person, >> but then you can choose >> the wrong >> the wrong person >> or the wrong person for you. >> Yeah, that person >> because if you still don't know what you're building or what you're trying to build, then >> you don't even know where you're going. >> So formula become choose and then the blueprint. All right, y'all ready to get to it? So you can have the right blueprint and still not have the right person to build with. That's a lot of people. the right blueprint. Oh, I know what I want. I know what I want to build. But then pick the wrong person because you didn't pick according to that. You can have the right person and still build the wrong relationship. >> That's good. >> Because choosing the right builder doesn't automatically mean you have the right blueprint or the right person. Right? >> So, so it's important when you're picking when you're in relationship in these relationship streets, you first identify what am I trying to build? What am I trying to build? What kind of relationship do I want? Right? You say you want to be married. What kind? Because there's all kind of marriages. You say you want a family. >> What kind of family? >> Right? >> What does that look like? >> Right. >> Versus just I just want a family. That's just extremely general. >> That's true. You say you want intimacy. What is that? >> What does that look like? >> Right? Because there's all type of intimacy. Emotional intimacy. >> Hard intimacy. >> You say you want peace. What does peace look like in your house? Because peace sometimes means something different. Sometimes some people mean leave me alone. You say you want >> financial stability, >> but can you steward the what gives you, >> right? You say you want partnership, you got to pick the right person. So, >> you know, when you think about relationships, why don't y'all drop it in the chat? What kind of relationship do you want? You know what I'm saying? What is it that you're looking for? What is it that you want to build? Because you start with the you start with that desire, then you pick the blueprint that you're going to model after. So you can intentionally >> build a healthy relationship that you haven't first defined, >> right? >> Define. Now, we gonna get into that later because my wife pressed me for it. What is this? But I'm going to tell you about that. Proverbs 29 and 18 is our anchor scripture. Y'all ready to get to it? Where there is >> no vision, >> people perish. Y'all got that? Proverbs 29:18 >> where there is no vision people >> perish or they start making it up. >> What are we doing? Where are we going? What are we doing right now? Because because we have to understand this correctly in scripture. Let me just lay it down a little bit. Solomon is teaching us not to not to make a vision board. Although those are great. Uh but the idea is about revelation right God's instruction God's direction like what is it that God wants for my life what is it that I see >> happening for my life for my family because where God's direction is a absent people cast off restraint where there's no widespread re revelation people cast off restraint so we're not asking God will you just bless my blueprint or bless whatever I'm doing we're asking God what is your blueprint what is it >> bringing God into it so that he can be your partner in regards to your blueprint so that you're not out here in these streets just doing you. And and and I you know how we talk about there's too many people that's try to too many of us >> try to make our version of relationship shove into God's version instead of saying God this is your version of relationship. This is what love mean. This is what marriage means. This is what faithfulness means. This is your design. This is your desire. and then let us try to live up to that instead of keep trying to pull our version into God's version >> because we make it really hard like you know what I'm saying like if you really just ask God what is the blueprint what do you want me to do it kind of I won't say totally takes the pressure off of you but it takes the pressure off of trying to frame it right >> you go back to what God said what you asked him and then what he said and then you live your life accordingly >> because wisdom seekers don't just build what they want to build. They build according to God's wisdom. Got that? >> Wisdom seekers don't just build what they want to build. They build according to God's wisdom. God, what is your wisdom? What is your how how teach me how to be a man? Teach me about how to be a husband. Teach me how to be >> a woman, how to be a wife, how to be a mother, all of those things, >> right? So, this isn't just for married people. And I know we're laying a long foundation, but I got to make sure y'all got that. It's not just for married people. This is for single people. This is Especially if you single. >> Exactly. >> You need a blueprint before somebody shows up. >> So you know if they match >> so if you know if it makes sense. So if you know that it's somebody you can build with. >> And also as a single person what are you waking up to do? Like you need to know what the blueprint is because your oh woe is me. I don't have no partner. That would just get you. But if when you know your blueprint as an unmarried person you get up with energy. You get up with intentionality. you get up with purpose. So, it's like you got to know >> right >> what your blueprint is. >> So, if you're dating, if you're engaged, we saw a lot like no matter what, you want to make sure you're spending your time not just planning a wedding, but preparing for a marriage, getting ready for who and what you're going to build your life to. So, and with so let's get to it. All right. So, number one, number one, wisdom seekers. When we talk about vision, wisdom seekers have vision. Wisdom seekers have vision. So, the question is, what do you see? Everybody write down what do you see? Okay. So you got to start with vision. >> Before anybody builds something, >> they have to see something. Right. >> Right. And they have to see something sometime that doesn't exist yet. >> Okay. That part go that back. >> I'm just saying because you got to start with vision and vision isn't always tangible. What's right here? Sometimes it's like what's not here yet, right? And so, so asking yourself, what do you see? What does a healthy relationship look like to you? What does marriage look like to you? When you knew, when I knew that I wanted you to be my wife and we were going to do ministry together, I asked you, "What type of wife do you want to be? What type of first lady do you want to be? What type of uh >> mother do you want to be?" And it was my responsibility to get a hold of your vision so I could protect it. Did I Did I jump into your notes? I'm sorry. So that I could protect it. So I could protect it as your husband as people start to give you and set their expectations on who they want you to be. And I had to protect and introduce you sometime to our church and ministering congregation to this maybe the kind of first lady that you had or this maybe the kind that was at your old church but this is who my wife says she wants to be. This is our vision. >> Especially as as uh especially as church planters that was so essential. And on top of that, you like for for me, you asking me that question gave me clarity and it really kind of took a little bit of a stress off of me because it was I'd never been a wife before, never been a quote unquote first lady, never been, you know, a mom. So, it was like me saying vision casting this with you. Yeah. >> Allowed you to even remind me. So sometimes having the vision and you telling it to another person, are you writing it down? That vision is there and they're going to say, "Hey, this is what you said you want. This is the vision. Are you upholding the vision?" >> And I mean, and even when it came to marriage, we talked we we talked a lot about marriage and we talked a lot about our deficit in the area, how we didn't necessarily see it growing up, but we both knew the type of relationship that we wanted. We both set rules and boundaries in place. We're both firstborns, so we both know that we're strong. Our birthdays are two weeks apart. We both know, you know, that we can be stubborn. We both know that um when we uh come into a conflict, we can be silent, right? We can be silent ourselves by ourselves >> or just hold it in or or shut down, right? So, we would make rules like, "Hey, no shutting down, no saying forget it or nothing." Right? So we would we would we would we would we would always discuss the vision that we saw for our relationship. So then we can hold each other accountable anytime we behaved outside of those parameters that we agreed to. So you have to know what do you see? Everybody put it down. What do you see? What does marriage look like for you? Right? What does partnership look like for you? What does friendship? What does finances look like? What does your family look like? Like see it before you see it. see it before you see it. So when somebody asks you, you can say what you see. And I don't want to get it get that far ahead, but you got to see it before you see it. Uh so you can know what does your home feel like? Cuz man, we had different >> opinions. We still have different opinions of what a home look like. My wife says that our home is a museum for me, right? Everything is like this, right? And her home is a very >> it looks lived in. It looks like people actually live there. lived in and so it's very lived in and it's very chill. So we have to have compromise. We have to have spaces that are structured >> museum spaces that are lived in junkie. Uh so uh I think understanding how you see it before you see it and communicating that so then you don't argue over it when you get there. Right? What type of marriage do you want to produce? What type of husband do you want to be? What kind of children you want to have? What does your future look like together? Because you gotta see it. But here's the deeper question than seeing it before you see it. >> Y'all ready? Where did you get that picture from? >> Right? >> Because sometimes you see it before you see it, but all you see is what you saw. >> And you're not necessarily seeing what you supposed to see or even what you want to see or even what was healthy to see. your parents, your grandparents, uh your family, uh how did y'all solve problems? Was it argumentative? Was it toxic, dysfunctional? Was it loud? Was it quiet? You know, was it pain? Was it fear? Was it trauma? Like, where did you get the picture from? So, I think seeing it before you see it is important, but also filtering what you see through God's word to make sure that you can see clearly now and that you're not just seeing something that you already thought that you swore that you don't >> okay that you would never re you would never reproduce, >> man. Babe, because you know when we talk to single people, it's not that sometimes single people don't want a relationship. It's just that they be telling us they never saw a healthy one >> and so they like I don't want it. >> I don't want that. Yeah. I don't want that. I don't want that. And so it's like purging your perspective. >> Yeah. P purging your perspective to make sure that you got the vision from God and not got the vision from your >> circumstances. Circumstances. Yeah. All of the things. Right. So if you don't intentionally choose your blueprint, you'll unconsciously repeat what you inherited. Hear me and hear me again. If you don't intentionally choose your blueprint, you can pick what you want. You can decide what you want. If you don't intentionally pick, choose your blueprint. You will unconsciously repeat the one you inherited. Got that? Yeah. >> So, make sure you understand that. All right, babe. It's it's it's your turn. So, >> it's my turn. >> Yeah. So, so, so after you have a vision, >> okay, >> uh, after you have a vision, what do you do? >> Then now you need to be a seeker of values. >> Values. And values is who are you in what you're building. >> And for me, >> your what you mean? >> Is that what you mean? >> Yeah, that's what I mean. And it's like when you're thinking about your values, you're like, you know, vision tells us what I want, but the values, they determine who I must be in order to create the vision that I have for my life. >> Oo, that's good. >> Who I must be. Yeah. Who who who am I becoming that this great vision that I have, am I going to be able to sustain it the way that I am right now or do I need some major healing or do I need some major growth to be able to be in the blueprint and the vision that I have for my life? And I look at >> Are you saying that sometimes people want what they're not? >> Yes. Because I I I wanted some things that I was not. But I but but that burning desire I was trying to get rid of what I wanted, what I thought I wanted. What you know up in prayer, up in worship, you see God gives you all this all this stuff and then you have to come down and like actually be the very thing that he's pulling you to be. So no, some of the things that I am today is not what I was. I I knew I had a vision and I knew what I wanted and it kind of goes one by one. So it's like the the becoming is actually the process to go to the place that you believe God has called you to and your value what you who are you becoming for me it was the women of virtue. So, it was when I was 25 years old and I found we found this group of women and we had grandma and sister uh Virginia and they were teaching us about our character and how to be a woman of God and what does that look like? And so, my character was being pressed, my value, upping my value, upping my worth because I had a vision of what I wanted my life to be. But I had to do some work in that and I had to do some deep healing >> because we don't talk about that when you're like building your character. There might be some things that you have to heal from. I can't go ahead and be that because I can't think. I can't. My mind is not in the right place. My heart is not in the right place. My spirit is not in the right place. So, I need to be healed so I can be the very thing that I have a vision to be. And it's not that I can't be it. I just have to know that there's a process and there are some things that I'm have to let go. There are some things that I have to gravitate to. But all of this is upping my value. Right? Okay. >> Because you can have a vision, but your vision got to match your values. Or else you'll never you'll never you'll never fulfill it. You won't be able to live your vision if your values don't match. So people could say, "Oh, I have a vision of having like a lot of money." But but if you don't if you don't steward and if you don't get education about money and how to steward it or whatever, you just got to you just got a wish. It ain't even a holy vision. >> A healthy family, but then you don't live >> you don't live that way. You're not you're not pushing in that way. You're not moving in that way. And it's like for you know, so going with your with the uh with what you said in regards to a healthy family, if you didn't come out of it, that doesn't mean that that that's not something that you can't have. It's just that you got to start becoming. You become the foundation of the very thing that you have a vision for. It starts with me. That's how that's the reason why we started all of this in becoming. It starts with you because once you understand the vision and you know that's what you want. And then you know you come out of that high and you're like but I'm none of that. But God is like he was like but I'm God and I'm with you and I'll be with you and I will process with you and I will heal you. I will do all of these things. in it. There becomes a deeper relationship with him when you are trying to up your values. >> Yeah. And and and when you are single and all the way through dating, engaging and married, you do things that increase your value. Exactly. And and not diminish it. And you make decisions based upon your value. Not diminish your value. And you do that by protecting your values. Protecting your values increases your values. That's good, >> right? So like who am I in this relationship? So these are some of the questions that you're asking. So as I'm like upping my value and and and uh becoming what I need to become asking yourself in the relationship, am I the very thing that I'm valuing? And then am I expecting that from somebody else? So the question is am I a safe space? >> My value am I a safe space? Am I a place where somebody can trust in me? Somebody can uh lean upon me. somebody can tell me something that I'm not getting ready to tell the world. Um, another thing you might ask yourself, am I an honest person? I'm seeking honesty, but am I the honest person? Right? Do I have secrets? Right? Um, am I faithful? Do I do what I say? Am I consistent in what I say and what I'm doing? Am I consistent with that? Am I faithful in that? Am I teachable? I say this so much because you can do a whole lot of things, but if you're not teachable, it's it's it's a wrap. >> You teachable. >> Don't do that. >> Am I emotionally mature? Not listening right now. Am I emotionally mature in relationships? You have to ask yourself, am I emotionally mature in this relationship? Am I adding value to this relationship? Right? Because wisdom seekers don't just demand something from a relationship. They also refu they must be they must be developers of those very things that they're asking somebody to be. They cannot refuse that. They have to be developers in that. So if I'm asking you to be trustworthy, then I need to make sure that I'm giving you the very thing that I'm asking for. >> That's such a good line. Put that Say that again. >> Okay. So wisdom seekers don't demand from relationships what they refuse to develop within themselves. You need to ask yourself, am I willing to give the very thing that I'm asking about? >> Yeah. >> Am I asking for? Because some relationships people are frustrated in their relationships because they are asking for something that they're not even willing to give. And you think that the person that you're asking it from that they don't know that you don't do that. They looking at you like, "You asking me to do that? You don't even do that. You don't do that for yourself." >> Exactly. You don't do that for yourself. You don't do that for nobody. So why are you asking it from me? And most of the time it's because we desire that. But we first in the kingdom of God, we have to give right what we want to receive. >> And that's guys and girls. I mean, guys be asking for stuff that they're not. And ladies be asking for things that they're not. >> So, so number one, wisdom seekers have vision, right? So you can't create what you never had the courage to define. So what do you see? Vision gives you definition unless you see. You want to make sure that the picture you're seeing is not just from your experiences, but from God's will and from God's word. And then wisdom seekers, you said, live by values. Have a set of values that they're connected to. Have a set of values because because we always say you date visionary values. What do you say you're gonna do? And when people come into conflict in their marriage or in their relationship, it's usually a value issue, not a vision issue. Yes, we want to go somewhere, but what time do we want to go there? What time do we want to get there? And are you a person that show up on time or say you going to do something and you do what you say you're going to do? Because the tension point ends up being the contradiction of values that we don't share. So, you want to find a a healthy match in your relationship. Don't just find a healthy match based on vision. Have a have a healthy match based on values. Because if you value the same stuff, you'll go further faster. I'm not saying vision isn't important. It's an important ingredient, but it's not the only ingredient. >> That's so good because it's so true. And there's so many couples that uh I feel engaged couples that when they are like, "Oh, you know, I'mma speak from a woman's perspective. You a man, okay?" But you sitting across the table and he like, "Yep." And then I'mma do this and then I'mma do that and then I'm gonna do this and then I'm doing that and this, this, this, this. And I'm looking at you like, you say you going to buy a house, but what is your credit score? Are you doing anything for that? Are you doing anything to increase your value of the very thing that you say that you want to do? That vision isn't matching. >> Yeah. I want a house. I want to I want to make my I want to make a house a home. You buy me a house, I'm gonna make it a home. But your room dirty. But your car is a mess. You ain't gonna make no home. >> You got stuff everywhere in your car. What are you talking about? You I ain't seen you I ain't seen you cook a meal >> at all. You You like It's like you can say what you want vision, but it doesn't match your values. And we had to learn this like in our own personal blueprint. We have vision, but most of our vision didn't come from what we saw. We created a blueprint. We pulled it from God's word. We pulled it from mentors and people that we we pick pick a little bit of this. We want this like this. We want that like that. We want that like that. And we start picking different things or different elements out of certain relationship so we could try to bring that to ourselves. I think one of the key things about about you when we were well not really dating for him but for me we were dating is that you know one day I was at his house and he was at his computer and um I was being nosy but you know he invited me there and I was looking at his some a note on his computer and it had five year vision 10 year vision 15ear vision and in those bullet points I was looking and I was like I thought I was the only person who thought about that. I thought I was the only person who wanted that. And he saw he I saw vision. I saw a vision for myself. He didn't even articulate it to me. I saw this was his personal vision for himself. But I saw myself with the same want, the same wants in regards to that vision. So I knew that if I married him, got with him or whatever, I wouldn't be losing or diminishing myself because the our visions were very much alike. I can see myself inside of his vision. >> Right? So, don't think we had this all figured out before we got married. We had to learn this. We had to build it. We had to create it. We still developing it. We still defining what our blueprint is for our next for this phase of our life, for this story, uh this stage of our life, this part of our relationship where where we have uh older and adult kids. what does it look like to raise them and to now be responsible for their gifts and their talents? And so we had to sort this out. So we grew into it. Now there was a part inside of our courting phase where my wife uh where I wouldn't define the nature of the relationship. I wouldn't tell her what we doing, right? I wouldn't articulate it because I honestly wasn't running game. I was just trying to figure it out myself. I was like, I like you. I'm attracted to you. I hear some things that sound like, you know, you somebody I could want to be with, I would want to be with and build with, but I'm not sure yet. Right. Uh and so she uh having been in an elongated relationship before that did not um produce what she thought. It did produce something. It didn't it didn't produce her desired result. Thank God for me. Um, she was trying to get some clarity about if she was wasting her time, how she was spending her time, and what is this that >> what are we doing? What are we doing, sir? Like I it was a I felt like it was a very legitimate >> question because I felt like based upon whatever he said was going to let me know what was the next move. >> I wouldn't I she wanted clarity and I wouldn't define it. But tell me why was definition so important to you? Definition. Why? Why? Why? Why for girls do we go together? Are you my man? Are you my woman? Like, >> because I DON'T WANT TO BE OUT IN THESE STREETS looking like a thirsty chick. >> Yeah. But when you talk to your your kids. Interesting. Hearing you from that perspective. Uhhuh. Look at you. Hearing you from that perspective when I was on the side of of doing it and you were asking me to define it. Then watching you be a boy mom to your two boys and go, "Y'all don't got to define it. Just hang out. just be friends. >> It is true. But the and the only reason why >> no and the reason why I say that is because in my understanding so in my understanding about men now I understand why it was unnecessary to ha to have it defined it. I was I wanted it to be defined because of my own personal unhealed spaces and relationships. I think a lot of women I love that maturity. I think a lot of women are looking for definition mostly also because of what you said to me. You didn't want to feel like somebody was running game >> game game on me. I was because I felt like I I had been in a relationship for seven years and I was like he was running game but it I mean emotional intelligence and looking back over it all it wasn't that it really really really truly I'm about to give y'all gym women. It truly is. You cannot make a man do anything. You cannot not not not you can't give him no ultimatum. Even even if he falls for the ultimatum, even if he falls for it, even if he does what you want him to do, he's gonna resent you for that. So men have to come to a place because first of all, they're kings. So they have to come to a place that this is what they want to do. And then they move from that space. So yes, as a boy mom, I tell my sons, yes, enjoy a female's company, be friends, but you need to just say that to her, okay? So she knows. >> So she knows. And women when he say it, believe him. Okay. He not He not It's no hidden It's no hidden code. >> Yeah. He can say what he mean. >> He He can say what he mean and he mean what he say. >> Yeah. So So So >> sorry, we went on a rapid trail. >> No, it's good though. So the definition was important to you because you wanted me to define it. You were thinking that What were you thinking? You were feeling like you was >> You was feeling >> You was feeling like you liked me too much. I didn't know if I liked you as much. >> Exactly. And I didn't know if you liked me as much as I liked you. And And this is bad. I can't even believe I'm going to say this. And because he is older than me. So then And it's the first young person younger guy that I >> You're older than me. You mean >> that's what I'm Yes. I'm I'm older than you. And so with him being younger than me, I was like, "Ain't no young boy about to be trying to have my nose all wide open. Uhuh. You better tell me what this is." >> So it probably wasn't It probably wasn't good. >> Did my reluctance to uh define it? Did it affect you? >> It it almost affected me. And in that moment, I had to I probably went back to seeing your vision >> and knowing that you was not about games. You were about trying to get things done. You hadn't really given me a reason to not believe that you weren't leading me on. You You never gave me that reason. You never did anything to disrespect me. And you reminded me of that. And I just knew in that moment when I asked you that and you were like, "Well, what if you know a poetic? Well, what if this is just, you know, such and such? >> No, don't such and such. My words. I said >> being and me being with you is is is it adding value? >> I said that whatever this becomes, I promise that I will add value to your life and not take anything from your life. You did. >> I promise that I will leave you better than I found you. >> And so, if you trust that and you trust me, then I'm not taking anything from you by not defining it. And I was being honest because honestly in that same space I wasn't sure. I knew that I had a vision to be married, to be in a relationship, but I knew that that didn't work. So vision didn't mean nothing. So I was like, I got a vision. Do I let go of my vision? Do I let go of my God-given desire to want to be married because my marriage didn't work? Or is this somebody that I could trust my heart with? Is this somebody that wants what I want? and I'm just I I like you. I spending time with you. I'm trying to figure it out, but I'm just not certain and I'm not sure. If I slap a label on it too fast and I'm uncertain and I can't live up to it, >> then I'm about to break your heart. >> Then I'm going to break your heart. I'm disappoint you. You're gonna be mad at me. I'mma lose my job. Like there's a whole bunch of stuff going on. So I wanted to be patient and I wanted to be patient in the process to make sure that if I made you a promise, I could keep it. So the promise I couldn't make you at that time was that I want to be your man. I couldn't make that promise. But I could make the promise that I wouldn't do anything that would hurt you, that would diminish you, or that would decrease your value. I could make the promise that in my honesty, if you could give me time and not force me to define this relationship that I'm still trying to figure out, you are already ready. I'm not sure I'm already ready. I think I'm already ready. I think I want you. I think this is what I want. I think this is what I'm pursuing you. But I'm not sleeping with you. I'm not cussing you out. I'm not putting my hands on you. I'm not disrespecting you. I'm not dishonoring you. I'm only spending time with you. And if spending time with you is too expensive and you no longer want to do that, I can respect that. But I'm just not sure what I want to do yet. So I I could only promise you that I could add value. And that became our blueprint. >> Exactly. >> As a result of that, we learned both how to be patient with each other and promise that even in marriage, we will not do anything that will not add value to each other and to what we're trying to pay. >> Exactly. And that goes with conversation. That goes with handling each other. That goes with commitment. that I'm I'm I'm I mean there are certain there are certain things that come up in my head that I just want to say to my husband and I'll be like that ain't going to add value to him. That's going to make him that's out of your emotions. You're just angry. You're upset. But are you going to be able to heal the very thing that you just spew out of your mouth? So when you have that as a blueprint or you have that as a mantra, then you handle >> the gift that God has given you differently because in that moment when he was talking about, >> you know, I'm joking about it or whatever, but when he was talking about why do I need to define this? And the Lord said to me, you need to answer this differently than you've done before because this ain't that. It's not. And in that moment, I made a decision and I said, you know what? If nothing comes of this and we have spent this time together, I am definitely a better person because I met you and I am definitely a better person because we have spent time together. So, I had to be honest with myself and not be uh emotional immature and be like, "Nah. Uh-uh. You ain't going to do no. Uh-uh. I didn't do that. I didn't do I wanted to, but I didn't do that because it had more value for the future than in that moment of getting an answer that was only going to suffice my feelings." we start we start discovering in our conversation in that space that we really wanted the same thing. We just was trying to figure out how to get it right and how to get there. And so while we were learning that's when once we decided we wanted to be together and I did define it, right? Uh and that's why she he didn't date me. Well, but I married you. Okay. >> All right. And so once we once we decided that's what we wanted, then we start intentionally looking for models and reading books >> that you can see my relationship. She had books. I had books. This was before podcast and stuff like that. >> I still don't care. I'm still reading the book. >> We were reading. We start spending time with our grandparents who have been married for 40 plus years. >> Spending time with people that we that we love their marriage and we watch them and we watch their daytoday. You know, that was very important. >> Yeah. intentionally as adults and grown peoples, we went to go look for and go after uh people that we can model our marriage after that. People like the Williams and and we love we looked at their life and how they raised their children. It doesn't mean that we were we were acknowledging that anybody was perfect, but we could find purposeful relationships so that we could shift our blueprint. Because if if if she came out of a a divorced family, I came out of a divorced family. My grandparents was divorced on this side. My grandparents was divorced on this side. I'm like, I'm a curse breaker. And then I go in with a vision that that ain't going to be me. And then here I am landed in the same situation because I picked the person that didn't had the same value that I had. They had the same vision that I had. And now I find her and I'm in this space and she looking at me and I'm looking at her like, "We don't want what we had. We want what we what we want. We want what God wants." And then we start building from that space and finding an intentional model and an intentional blueprint. So I'm telling you that when you're building a blueprint, just because you don't see it around you don't mean you can't find it. What does a healthy relationship look like? Who do you want? Right? Who are who is your mentors? Who's your marriage mentors? Who's your relationship mentors? Who do you listen to? Who influenced you? Who do you get to ask questions? >> Because I think, you know, one of the things in regards to our relationship and our marriage, like when we got married, we were prophesied what exactly our marriage would be. And we had no idea that it would come out to be this. So, we know that we are examples, but we're only we're we're examples because that's the blueprint that God had for us all the way to the point where we had to my husband said, "Babe, we got to protect how we do this." Like early on before we before we had children, we had Josiah, but before we had children, he was like, you know, we can't sleep together because we going to have to look at our child and tell them the truth and we we going to have to get up in front of young people and we don't want to be lying and all this other kind of stuff because he had a vision, a blueprint in his head, and his mind of how he wanted our marriage to be. And here we are 21 years later and we don't think that we're examples but we are examples and we record all of these things on YouTube and do create a marriage because we want people to be a we want people who have a desire in their heart to be married and to believe in marriage and to just have have we're not perfect. We are not perfect, but we are very purposeful and very intentional and people receive that from us. And we pray that God will allow people to believe in marriage because of the example that we're trying to to to shed to the world. So it was and that's from God's blueprint because that's what God said marriage should be. It should be an example to other people. >> It's an example of how he feels about the church. >> That's right. Somebody asked and I just glanced at it. What book should we read about while we're single? I'm glad you asked. I mean, we read we wrote some books. We wrote Kingdom Relationships. Um, G-rated Sex, >> G-rated Sex is a good Soul Sessions is a good one. >> Soul Sessions is an absolute must. >> And and there's a there's others besides that, but one particularly that covers all these categories that I love from uh Dr. Miles Monroe. One is waiting or dating. Yeah. Right. It's so good. And then he has another one that has all the categories single, uh, and married, divorced, and what it's like got four titles to it, but it's all of them. All the stages that people go to. It's a great book because this is where you're becoming and developing your blueprint of who you are and who you want to be. Come on, we got to get out of here. Number three is number three is that you have to have a voice. >> All right, you know, it's gonna be essential a V, right? You got to have a voice. You have to be able to communicate the blueprint. >> So many of us didn't don't didn't don't don't didn't learn how to communicate. >> Shut up. Sit down. Go downstairs. don't like all of those things that kind of shut your voice down and makes it almost makes it I won't say impossible but it makes there's a disconnect with how you really feel and how to articulate what you feel and not feel that you're going to be I won't say judged but that you're not going to be heard. So your voice is very very important in regards to your expectations and then also with your voice and knowing your expectations you have to sit with yourself and know what that is. That's right. >> By yourself. Not with your husband, not with your wife. By yourself. >> Because when somebody asks you who you are, what you want, where you're going, you got you >> I don't know. >> You can't just sit there. You can't just be handsome, whatever you like. >> You can't just be beautiful. Well, I mean, I like a little whatever you like. >> I know, but that can't be your only answer. >> But, uh, having a voice, right? Can you articulate it? Eventually, you got to talk. You got to be able to speak. Right? You cannot hold someone accountable for a blueprint that you never communicated. >> Come on, run that back. >> You cannot hold someone accountable for a blueprint you never communicated. Do you want say I assumed? You should know. My father always, >> always, my mama always. My last relationship, this is what happened. >> No, no, no. No, you got to be able to communicate and you have to be able to articulate, >> especially in marriages. Stop that. Stop that. This is not Disneyland. Your husband is or your wife is just not going to automatically know what you want or what you expect. >> And even if you're dating, talk about something real. Even if you're single and not dating, know what you feel. Know know what affection means to you. Uh know what quality time means to you. know what's important to you. Uh my daughter was having a conversation with us uh just the other day and she was talking about how she discovered what really is important to her and and what she really values and what really means something to her. And to hear her be able to articulate it and voice it. And it wasn't based on a person of the opposite sex. It was just based on her knowing her was so healthy. It was so refreshing. >> What was what does partnership mean? What does success mean? Right? What does uh support look like? I want you to support me. What does that mean? Right? Because if you don't know, >> you mad. You mad because they not supporting you, but you never told them how they're how they can support you, >> right? Wisdom seekers don't don't assume that we have agreement. They create conversation. Use your voice. Everybody Everybody put it in the chat. I will use >> I will use my voice. You got it? >> Not only put it in the chat, say it out loud. >> Exactly. >> Say it out loud and so that it can become your mantra in your head when you are sitting and somebody is talking to you and you feel yourself diminishing in the conversation because you will not use your voice. Declare to yourself, I will use my voice. I don't have to yell. I don't have to dis I don't have to diminish people. I don't have to make them belittle. I don't have to cuss you out. I'm just going to simply use my voice. >> Voice matters. >> It matters. >> Your voice matters. >> So tonight, remember the three components of your blueprint is vision. What are you building? Values. Who >> who are you becoming >> in order to build? And voice. How do we communicate it? How do we say it? Your voice matters. Matters. >> It's so significant. is so important because vision without values is just a dream. It's just a fantasy. And values without a voice will create assumptions. And people have so many assumptions and so many frustrations because of their assumptions. >> I want to ask you real quick, we get ready to go tonight. Where did you get your blueprint from? Huh? What when you think about relationships and what you see and what you want, who taught you? What who taught you? Where did where did it come from? Right? What did uh what did you experience? Right? Where did it come from? Where do you get where do you think you got it from? Because you gotta check it. >> Yeah. >> You gota you got to be like >> Yeah. >> Is this blueprint actually producing what I actually want >> or is this just what I got? >> Yeah. Because some things are are having are paying no rent to be in your life or your mind. >> That's good. >> It's just it's just it's rent free. You know, you you see that meme that says that this is just living in my head rent free. Don't do that. Don't don't do that about your values and your voice and your vision. It not don't just let it just be whatever whatever it is. just living happen stance by the seat of your pants because you'll look up and the very vision that you did not create is the vision that you did not want. >> All right, listen up. You answering this question? I love it. All right, here you go. If you're single, if you're single this week, I want you to ask yourself this question. What kind of relationship am I preparing to create? If you're single, I want you to type it in the chat if you're single. What type of relationship am I preparing to create? Okay, if you're single, Lisa, you don't got to capture these. I want them to to put it. If you're dating somebody, ask yourself this question in the chat. Are we actually building towards the same future? >> Oh, Jesus. >> Put it in the chat. >> Come on. >> Are we I don't want you to answer. I want you to ask yourself the question. Are we actually building towards the same future? If you engaged, if you engaged, I want you to put this one in the chat. Have we planned our marriage as intentionally as we planned our wedding? >> Come on. Cuz that that'll cause you to take some things off of the budget. >> Have we planned our marriage or planned for our marriage as intentionally as we planned for this wedding? for this wedding cuz we are talking about colors and cake and seat and charts and all kind of stuff and don't know where we going to live. >> Don't know don't >> don't know what kind of house or family we're going to build. >> Don't know if we having a family or not. >> If you're married, if you're married, ask yourself this question in the chat. If we could intentionally create the next season of our marriage, what would we create? Y'all gotta pause and go back to that. If we could intentionally create the next season, that's what we that's what we talking about. If we can intentionally create the next version, the next reiterate of our marriage, what would we create? And then we talk about it. We don't argue. We don't defend. We don't fuss. We listen. >> We don't correct. >> We learn. We talk. All right. That's good. Y'all good? Y'all got that? Everybody drop it in the chat. Week one, we said I'm becoming. Week two, we said, "I'm choosing wisely." Tonight, we saying, "I'm building with intention." >> Intentionality. >> I'm building with intention. I'm building with intention. I'm building with intention. I'm building with intention. All right, that's good. We got to go. Next week, we gonna finish it up. We gonna finish the series. Next week, we're going to talk about how to build for legacy. M >> yeah what the ingredients that you need. >> Mhm. >> That's what we're going to talk about. The ingredients that you need >> if you're building for legacy. Come on everybody put it in the chat. I'm building with intention. >> I'm building with intent. >> I'm building with intention. That's why we do create a marriage. >> Come on. >> To build with intention. >> Y'all, we almost there. And we and seriously like Sharon is Karen, you know, I know we keep saying it all the time, but we just we get people coming in all the time. And create a marriage is an opportunity. It's building with intentionality. It's time away. It's time spent to focus on your marriage and to focus on your spouse. And it's a it's a good it's a good time. It's a good thing. So, hey, Sharon is Karen. May you maybe you're not married, but maybe you know some married people. Hey, send it over to them so that they can do it. It's It happens next weekend in Oak Brook in Chicago. We got people flying in from all over to be with us and to to uh engage with us. We also have an opportunity I don't I think we have maybe one or two spots left for a VIP experience and it's a great experience >> building with intentionality. So, I don't care how long you've been married. We've had couples there that have been married 25 years, 30 years, two years, engaged, all of it. And the people that have been married for over 20 years or whatever, they're like, "Hey, this was good for us." Because it's alive. >> It's a living organism. It's alive. It goes through different seasons and you just don't put it on autopilot. You're always learning. So, I hope that I see some of y'all at Create a Marriage >> Build with Intention and the And the single folks be like, "I can't wait till I get married cuz we coming." >> Single single people, we working. We got something for >> We got something coming for y'all. Like, seriously, we heard y'all. >> We heard y'all. Y'all ain't playing. >> Okay. Y'all ain't playing with us. >> Ain't pulling teeth. >> Okay. >> All right. Listen, was this good for you? So, you grow. We give you the opportunity. We always say everything gives from where it receives. Single, married, engaged. You hear, you watch, you listen. Some of y'all been sewing already while we were teaching and we say thank you. Thank you for >> for sewing into the word, sewing into the moment. Tonight, I want you to sew into vision. All right. Simple. I want you to sew into your vision. Our scripture was Proverbs 29:18. You can give whatever you want. We give on the word because we activate that word with a gift. And the Bible says that when you give, not if you give, it comes back to you. Good measure. pressed out. Shaking together. >> So everything gives from where it receives. So if you received here, give here. Give whatever you want. Just don't take don't eat and run. Don't take the message. Take the information. It's so funny because when we start talking about the sewing portion after we talk for a whole hour, you see the numbers start to trickle down. People be like, "All right, then I'm out." They check out because they got what they want. But the law in the kingdom is, >> okay, I was just about to say, >> you can't use what you >> can't use what you you can't use what you ain't sew into. >> You've got to make sure and and and it's not about paying for the word of God. It's not a it's a principle, right? It's a principle. >> You buy something, they give you a receipt. >> It's a remembrance. So, it's an opportunity. That's all it is. If it blessed you in a manner and you get, you do. And if you not sew and share the word by sharing it with somebody, say a prayer for us and for our marriage and for our family. But if you receive something from from this, do something with what you receive. Say a prayer, share the word, share the message, uh like it, send it to a couple that it will bless. Um or give something to it, whatever you want. 29:18 is your vision seed. That's what we say. We say where the scripture said where there's no vision, people perish. Cast off restraint. We want you to have a blueprint for whatever season you are in. A blueprint for dating, a blueprint for being single, a blueprint for being engaged, a blueprint for being married, right? So do something with what you heard so we know it's not in vain. Activate this word in some way. Share it, send it, like it. If you watching it and you're watching it again, you still sew cuz that's so amazing. >> You watch it live or you watching >> or you're watching later on to see that once people sew a as they have watched later on. >> Yeah. So, I hope it was good for you. I hope you got something out of it. We do this out of a passion. That's why we don't charge you before we start, right? We This ain't charging you. This just giving you Well, I hope I'm charging you, but not like in a way like charging. I hope you charge >> charge to do empowered I hope you feel empowered. I hope you feel, you know, inspired. I hope you think about the the word of God differently. And hopefully we start to try to get our ideas from God instead of try to give God our ideas >> and tell him to bless it, >> right? Hope he does something with them, right? Let's gain it and get it from God. I love y'all. We're praying for y'all. We got one more week of doing it like this. Oh, Monday we went crazy live on all of Sudden. Whoa. >> At 9:00 at night and talked about a couple social media things and like 300 people showed up. Crazy. If you didn't watch it, go watch that on YouTube. But we love y'all. We praying for you. We want you to have a healthy relationship. All right. Help you have a healthy relationship. So, Father, we pray. We thank you for wisdom in the area of our relationships. We thank you for favor that rest upon us. Teach us how to live in every season and have a model and a blueprint that comes from you. Thank you for everyone that swed, that shared, that that said something in the chat. Let this word activate in their heart and in their life and let it come alive in them. Those that are watching live or those that are watching later, we thank you for every wisdom seeker that's connected to this moment. Be glorified and magnified in Jesus name we pray. Amen. We love y'all. We praying for y'all and we believe in you and want the best for you. Hope to see y'all later. Peace and God bless.